Confessions of a broken heart
This is by far the most personal blog I’ve written. These things need to be said in hopes that it may help someone, including me.
It’s amazing at the lengths to which the mind will go to protect us. Even going so far as to create false memories in situations where it deems the outcome of knowing the truth would be too cataclysmic to a person. As we grow older though, truth can come out, no matter how that truth is revealed, and the pain is still as tough to take as when it became truth. I’m a believer that we need to fully accept and come to peace with the truth in our past in order to maintain a healthy existence in the future. This proves difficult at times. I’m honest, sometimes to the point that it’s painful…including pain in me. But the more we face the truth, the better off we will be. If you plant something in a pot, it outgrows it. If you don’t change the pot as it grows, the plant will die. Still, some truths are so painful to realize that it sends us reeling a bit. I’ve been to the inner cities and I know how much worse other people have it, and I also know how little everyone else cares about the problems we face. When it’s us, we expect the world to take notice, but to everyone else, it’s just a fact of life and we’ll get over it. That’s why we create masks to hide the pain. I feel guilty transforming so quickly from one face to another, but that’s just a survival technique. And it really doesn’t seem to matter when everyone else is just looking out for their own personal needs and wants anyway. I believe we are who we become based on nature and nurture. We learn through impressions. Not all impressions are good. Physical wounds heal, but the emotional scars and memory of words can never be erased. I’m a very analytical person, which is a good thing for diagnosis as a psychologist. However, this limits me severely too. Maybe one day I’ll finally know the truth in the memories I have and be able to relate more. I have a need to take care of everyone I love, which is directly proportional to the care I probably need in my own life. I think we look at movies and television to cope with pain and say “Look, it could happen to me too.” It’s so hard to keep up hope in the world when there is so much disappointment. There’s such a storm going on in me right now I just have no words. I’m going to end with the words of Dr. Phil. “Children would rather be FROM a broken home than live IN one.” I wish it wasn’t this way. Until next time, all.
It’s amazing at the lengths to which the mind will go to protect us. Even going so far as to create false memories in situations where it deems the outcome of knowing the truth would be too cataclysmic to a person. As we grow older though, truth can come out, no matter how that truth is revealed, and the pain is still as tough to take as when it became truth. I’m a believer that we need to fully accept and come to peace with the truth in our past in order to maintain a healthy existence in the future. This proves difficult at times. I’m honest, sometimes to the point that it’s painful…including pain in me. But the more we face the truth, the better off we will be. If you plant something in a pot, it outgrows it. If you don’t change the pot as it grows, the plant will die. Still, some truths are so painful to realize that it sends us reeling a bit. I’ve been to the inner cities and I know how much worse other people have it, and I also know how little everyone else cares about the problems we face. When it’s us, we expect the world to take notice, but to everyone else, it’s just a fact of life and we’ll get over it. That’s why we create masks to hide the pain. I feel guilty transforming so quickly from one face to another, but that’s just a survival technique. And it really doesn’t seem to matter when everyone else is just looking out for their own personal needs and wants anyway. I believe we are who we become based on nature and nurture. We learn through impressions. Not all impressions are good. Physical wounds heal, but the emotional scars and memory of words can never be erased. I’m a very analytical person, which is a good thing for diagnosis as a psychologist. However, this limits me severely too. Maybe one day I’ll finally know the truth in the memories I have and be able to relate more. I have a need to take care of everyone I love, which is directly proportional to the care I probably need in my own life. I think we look at movies and television to cope with pain and say “Look, it could happen to me too.” It’s so hard to keep up hope in the world when there is so much disappointment. There’s such a storm going on in me right now I just have no words. I’m going to end with the words of Dr. Phil. “Children would rather be FROM a broken home than live IN one.” I wish it wasn’t this way. Until next time, all.