Goblet of Fire
So nuntia, B, and I enter the theater. There’s all of five people there, including us, because we’re twenty minutes early. After spending that time deciding whose initials would make the best radio station (mine) and having a footwar, which consists of us kicking at each other, the movie finally started, and fifteen minutes of previews,* the movie finally started. This is based off of my notes from the film, and will probably be very disjointed and rambly and long. Some of the jokes are stolen from nuntia.
I like what they’ve done with the theme music, where they’ve kept the basic motif, but have changed enough of it in other ways, like the instruments used, to make it creepier and more fitting to the tone of the movie.
My first thought when we saw the inside of the Riddle house was that the caretaker doesn’t do his job very well. The place is disgusting. Would it kill him to dust?
Hermione wakes Harry and Ron up, being a total shrew in the process. Lighten up Hermione.
The Wesleys plus Harry and Herm meet up with Amos and Cedric. Cedric appears by jumping out of a tree and Hermione and Ginny exchange Whoa, he’s kind of hott looks, echoing many of the people in the audience, I’m sure.
Portkey looks like an absolutely terrible way to travel. Spinning through the air around an old boot? No thank you, I will stick to taking the bus. After they land, Cedric helps Harry up, because this movie is all about the slash.
The Quidditch World Cup Stadium is way impressive. Visually, I really like this movie, because wow it’s pretty, although some of the special effects could have been less obviously CGI. I’m looking at you, Nangini.
Krum does not look like the sharpest pencil in the box, the brightest bulb in the bunch, so on and so forth.
The all of a sudden, it’s after the Quidditch game, even though we only saw the opening with the Irish and Bulgarians trying to out do each other in showoffiness. Now we’re in the Wesley tent, where Ron is being made of for his mad crush on Krum. This movie, especially in the beginning, had some of the most abrupt scene switches ever. We’re watching the World Cup! We’re in the tent! We’re on the train! We’re at Hogwarts and the Durmstrang and Beubaxtons students are arriving! A lot of the scenes didn’t feel developed, just bam! this is happening! Now bam! something else is happening!
Anyway, we’re in the tent. And then Bam! The Lord of the Rings fans attack! Or maybe it’s the Death Eaters, in their silly pointy hats. I like that they changed the Death Eater’s attack so that they attacked the all wizards camped out for the World Cup instead of just traumatizing some Muggles by making them float. It makes them more threatening and less high school. (Don’t we see James doing pretty much the same thing to Snape in the fifth book, with making him float around? The DE’s must be desperate if they’re stealing their terror techniques from a fifteen year old.) In the aftermath of this scene, we see that Dan Radcliffe still can’t act.
Now we’re on the train! Where we first see Cho, who is adorable. Harry writes a letter to Siruis and sends Hedwig winging off across the body of water they’re passing. Suddenly an alligator leaps up and eats her. I lie, but wouldn’t that have been awesome?
All of a sudden everyone is off the train and at Hogwarts, watching the students from the other schools arrive. Then we’re at the opening feast! See what I mean about the scene switches? Beaubaxtons does this weird sighing dance thing with butterflies and Drumstrang does this thing that involves shouting, acrobatics and banging staffs on the ground so they give off sparks. I’m glad the movie is breaking new ground when it comes to gender roles and how females and males should be introduced.
Karkaroff tries to flirt with Snape and is shut down. This happens a lot during the movie.
Moody is really goofy looking. Isn’t he supposed to be badass in his crazy way? Also, I think they decided when he should drink the polyjuice potion based on whenever the actor forgot his next line.
Neville gets great sympathy when Moody makes him watch the spider get Crucioed. Neville pretty rocked this whole movie and was extremely adorable the entire time. The movie should’ve been about him.
Choosing of the Triwizard champions. Ron totally has a crush on Cedric. I’m starting to wonder if they’re setting him up to be gay in later movies when they break completely from the books in later movies and have Hermione and Harry hook up. We also see the twins being comic relief. I think they could have cut some of the stuff with Fred and George, because they don’t really do anything and it seems like they got almost as much screen time as Ron.
Dumbledore does this thing where he lowers the lighting in the hall by waving hand. This is notable only because it makes me fear getting Dymphna apps with students who can perform wandless magic.
I don’t remember exactly what happens here, but my notes say that Harry <3s Cedric and they tell Dumbledore to shut up. Dumbledore talks way too much. The TriWizard Cup is big, shiny and glowy. It’d fit right in in Vegas. Harry’s name gets spit out of the Goblet of Fire, which is a surprise to no one, because anyone’s who’s watching this has read the book.
Why did Harry go to stand with the professors after his name was called when the other chosen champions went back to their seats?
Bam! Dumbledore’s office! McGonagall is loveable. Snape suggests they use Harry as bait.
Rita Skeeter is taking a picture of all the champions and hitting on them all in the process. I shouldn’t like her, but I do.
The owlry is just plain gross. I realize they fired all the house elves for this movie, but Jesus. I’m sure Snape’d be more than happy to assign some students cleaning it as detention. As a contrast, I really like the way the Gryffindor common room is decorated, with the reds and paintings and medieval tapestries. Although it does seem really small.
Now we’re at the ferret!Malfoy scene. The kid who plays Malfoy is not that good looking. I was going to go on about how turning Malfoy into a ferret isn’t actually all that funny and Moody should’ve been fired for it, but later on I decide that I heart Snape for his shady teacher ethics, so in the interest of not being a complete hypocrite, I won’t.
Something happened at this point in the movie that made me ask if Fleur had any lines. I think is right before the first challenge. It turns out that she does have lines. About three, total. They also cut out that she’s part Veela, which I’m very grateful for.
Harry is running away from the dragon as his part of the first task, accioes his broom, takes off and the dragon’s chain break. WTF? That is a cheap ass chain. Harry and the dragon then fly all around the school, which makes me go WTF, was this in the book? Nuntia assures me it wasn’t. Harry and the dragon both crash into something and fall to a watery grave. My notes here read “Maybe he’s dead? No. Damn.” Harry flies back to the stadium, triumphant, and grabs the golden egg. The dragon is god knows where. Supposedly it’s dead. I want to see fic now where the thing suddenly returns and eats everyone.
Everyone in Gryffindor has to learn to dance. All the girls have a swan inside waiting to gracefully make its way out. All the boys have a lion waiting to either prance or pounce. McGonagall actually says something along those lines, I cannot make this up.
Later, Neville practices by himself in the dorm. Neville is adorable.
Snape smacks Ron and Harry around for talking during study hall. Alan Rickman does not even need to speak to be funny.
The Patil twins are apparently both in Gryffindor now.
I really love the girls’ costumes for the dance, aside from Hermione’s, which is kind of ugly. I wish they’d been more creative with the boys’ and done something other than altered tuxes.
Filch dances with a purring Mrs. Norris. It is so very awww. I wish my cat would put up with things like that.
Hermione has glitter eye make up on. The hell? Al of a sudden we go from the happy ball to Hermione and Ron fighting and it’s one of the most abrupt scene switches in the entire movie. Especially since their conflict over Hermione going with Krum isn’t really built up.
Hey, a tombstone! This has to do with Voldemort! Look at that, part of the plot! Harry wakes up from his bad Voldemort killing people dream and I realize that the actor’s got really long eyelashes. Neville has just gotten back form the dance and is still disheveled and still adorable.
Cedric hits on Harry, suggesting they take a nice warm bubble bath together. Sadly, Harry finds Moaning Myrtle there instead and she’s kind of creepy in her sexual harassment.
Second Task! Are we done yet? Harry gets gillyweed from Neville. (I’m inclined to like this movie just because they cut out all of the house elves, thank god.) Harry looks like a badly CGIed fish-human-thing. A school of fish follows Harry as he swims down deep into the lake. Nuntia says this is because they think he’s sexy and are stalking him.
Harry saves people from the mermaids and then there’s another WTF, was that in the books moment when he does a spell that sends him flying up out of the water. I think he sad Acsendio, or something like that. This makes me fear that people will suddenly start flying without broomsticks in Dymphna’s.
Daddy crouch is dead! Whoo! I didn’t mind him, but I’m in favor of anything that ups the body count.
Someone explain to me why anyone would ever think that licorice that bites you is a good idea? Harry pokes around Dumbledore’s abandoned office, falls into the Pensieve, trail, blah, returns, Dumbledore explains all, but then says, “Every time I get close to an answer, it slips away.” This might be a sign it’s time for him to retire.
The scene where Voldemort kills the caretaker is shown for the third time. Once was enough, really.
Snape threatens Harry with the truth potion. This is the part where I decided that I <3ed his shady teaching ethics. I think really I just like when bad things happen to Harry.
Third task! Maze of Doom! It’s almost over! The Beaubaxtons students are apparently doing the Macarena. I wonder if a minotaur’s going to show up in the maze and hope that all the champions were given a ball of thread. Fleur is totally the pretty blonde girl who gets offed in every single horror movie in existence. How lame are the other girls from her school that she was the one who the best of all of them to compete in this?
Sending up flares for help is pretty useless, since after they fade no one can tell where you are and they apparently piss off the maze and make it more dangerous.
Harry needs to get over his hero complex. It was him and Cedric being such upstanding, fair, and moral young men that got Cedric sent to the cemetery and killed. I’m not sure that’s quite the message they wanted to send.
Little baby Voldemort is kind of cute. Nuntia is very disappointed that clothes materialized on him after he became grown up Voldemort. He then goes to Wormtail, all gimme a hug! But not really, as he then magically re-inks the Dark Mark or something. This summons all the Death Eaters. Voldemort then talks and talks and talks. Then he remembers Harry’s there and he’s almost creepy for a minute but then he goes overdramatic and sarcastic and this is the part all of the Death Eaters should be going “Uhhh…out boss is kind of crazy.” It does come across very well that Voldemort is totally the kind of overdramatic idiot who would come up with an overly complicated plot to kill someone.
Power of love, Harry escapes, takes Cedric’s dead body with him, Amos Diggory breaks my heart mourning for his son. Not!Moody takes the chance to get Harry away from everyone else and kill him. Ididn’t take note son this part because I didn’t care, so we’ll skip ahead to Dumbledores’ speech about Cedric’s “really terrible” death. “Really terrible.” Well, gee, that was really eloquent of you, Dumbledore.
End of school, everyone leaves, did these guys go to any classes at all this year?
Hermione has what my newspaper called the best line in the movie: “Everything is going to change now, isn’t it?” Harry’s response boils down to: “Yeah. Duh.” And then he, she, and Ron walk away bickering to show that the more things change the more they stay the same.
Overall, I actually kind of liked the movie. I would have liked it better if the people making it had just given up completely with sticking to the books, because there’s only so good this thing can be considering the source material. Also, they need to get all of the male students haircuts. Like now. And the movie should’ve been all about Neville
* Monster House: Dumb
Cheaper by the Dozen 2: Eh, maybe.
King Kong: Why’re there dinosaurs? Were there dinosuars int he original? Are we sure this isn't King Kong vs. Jurassic Park?
Lady in the Water: We thought this was the fake film that would be interrupted by the ring of a cellphone to illustrate why people should turn off their goddamn phones. Imagine our surprise when we were wrong.
No Narnia trailer? I’m sad.
I like what they’ve done with the theme music, where they’ve kept the basic motif, but have changed enough of it in other ways, like the instruments used, to make it creepier and more fitting to the tone of the movie.
My first thought when we saw the inside of the Riddle house was that the caretaker doesn’t do his job very well. The place is disgusting. Would it kill him to dust?
Hermione wakes Harry and Ron up, being a total shrew in the process. Lighten up Hermione.
The Wesleys plus Harry and Herm meet up with Amos and Cedric. Cedric appears by jumping out of a tree and Hermione and Ginny exchange Whoa, he’s kind of hott looks, echoing many of the people in the audience, I’m sure.
Portkey looks like an absolutely terrible way to travel. Spinning through the air around an old boot? No thank you, I will stick to taking the bus. After they land, Cedric helps Harry up, because this movie is all about the slash.
The Quidditch World Cup Stadium is way impressive. Visually, I really like this movie, because wow it’s pretty, although some of the special effects could have been less obviously CGI. I’m looking at you, Nangini.
Krum does not look like the sharpest pencil in the box, the brightest bulb in the bunch, so on and so forth.
The all of a sudden, it’s after the Quidditch game, even though we only saw the opening with the Irish and Bulgarians trying to out do each other in showoffiness. Now we’re in the Wesley tent, where Ron is being made of for his mad crush on Krum. This movie, especially in the beginning, had some of the most abrupt scene switches ever. We’re watching the World Cup! We’re in the tent! We’re on the train! We’re at Hogwarts and the Durmstrang and Beubaxtons students are arriving! A lot of the scenes didn’t feel developed, just bam! this is happening! Now bam! something else is happening!
Anyway, we’re in the tent. And then Bam! The Lord of the Rings fans attack! Or maybe it’s the Death Eaters, in their silly pointy hats. I like that they changed the Death Eater’s attack so that they attacked the all wizards camped out for the World Cup instead of just traumatizing some Muggles by making them float. It makes them more threatening and less high school. (Don’t we see James doing pretty much the same thing to Snape in the fifth book, with making him float around? The DE’s must be desperate if they’re stealing their terror techniques from a fifteen year old.) In the aftermath of this scene, we see that Dan Radcliffe still can’t act.
Now we’re on the train! Where we first see Cho, who is adorable. Harry writes a letter to Siruis and sends Hedwig winging off across the body of water they’re passing. Suddenly an alligator leaps up and eats her. I lie, but wouldn’t that have been awesome?
All of a sudden everyone is off the train and at Hogwarts, watching the students from the other schools arrive. Then we’re at the opening feast! See what I mean about the scene switches? Beaubaxtons does this weird sighing dance thing with butterflies and Drumstrang does this thing that involves shouting, acrobatics and banging staffs on the ground so they give off sparks. I’m glad the movie is breaking new ground when it comes to gender roles and how females and males should be introduced.
Karkaroff tries to flirt with Snape and is shut down. This happens a lot during the movie.
Moody is really goofy looking. Isn’t he supposed to be badass in his crazy way? Also, I think they decided when he should drink the polyjuice potion based on whenever the actor forgot his next line.
Neville gets great sympathy when Moody makes him watch the spider get Crucioed. Neville pretty rocked this whole movie and was extremely adorable the entire time. The movie should’ve been about him.
Choosing of the Triwizard champions. Ron totally has a crush on Cedric. I’m starting to wonder if they’re setting him up to be gay in later movies when they break completely from the books in later movies and have Hermione and Harry hook up. We also see the twins being comic relief. I think they could have cut some of the stuff with Fred and George, because they don’t really do anything and it seems like they got almost as much screen time as Ron.
Dumbledore does this thing where he lowers the lighting in the hall by waving hand. This is notable only because it makes me fear getting Dymphna apps with students who can perform wandless magic.
I don’t remember exactly what happens here, but my notes say that Harry <3s Cedric and they tell Dumbledore to shut up. Dumbledore talks way too much. The TriWizard Cup is big, shiny and glowy. It’d fit right in in Vegas. Harry’s name gets spit out of the Goblet of Fire, which is a surprise to no one, because anyone’s who’s watching this has read the book.
Why did Harry go to stand with the professors after his name was called when the other chosen champions went back to their seats?
Bam! Dumbledore’s office! McGonagall is loveable. Snape suggests they use Harry as bait.
Rita Skeeter is taking a picture of all the champions and hitting on them all in the process. I shouldn’t like her, but I do.
The owlry is just plain gross. I realize they fired all the house elves for this movie, but Jesus. I’m sure Snape’d be more than happy to assign some students cleaning it as detention. As a contrast, I really like the way the Gryffindor common room is decorated, with the reds and paintings and medieval tapestries. Although it does seem really small.
Now we’re at the ferret!Malfoy scene. The kid who plays Malfoy is not that good looking. I was going to go on about how turning Malfoy into a ferret isn’t actually all that funny and Moody should’ve been fired for it, but later on I decide that I heart Snape for his shady teacher ethics, so in the interest of not being a complete hypocrite, I won’t.
Something happened at this point in the movie that made me ask if Fleur had any lines. I think is right before the first challenge. It turns out that she does have lines. About three, total. They also cut out that she’s part Veela, which I’m very grateful for.
Harry is running away from the dragon as his part of the first task, accioes his broom, takes off and the dragon’s chain break. WTF? That is a cheap ass chain. Harry and the dragon then fly all around the school, which makes me go WTF, was this in the book? Nuntia assures me it wasn’t. Harry and the dragon both crash into something and fall to a watery grave. My notes here read “Maybe he’s dead? No. Damn.” Harry flies back to the stadium, triumphant, and grabs the golden egg. The dragon is god knows where. Supposedly it’s dead. I want to see fic now where the thing suddenly returns and eats everyone.
Everyone in Gryffindor has to learn to dance. All the girls have a swan inside waiting to gracefully make its way out. All the boys have a lion waiting to either prance or pounce. McGonagall actually says something along those lines, I cannot make this up.
Later, Neville practices by himself in the dorm. Neville is adorable.
Snape smacks Ron and Harry around for talking during study hall. Alan Rickman does not even need to speak to be funny.
The Patil twins are apparently both in Gryffindor now.
I really love the girls’ costumes for the dance, aside from Hermione’s, which is kind of ugly. I wish they’d been more creative with the boys’ and done something other than altered tuxes.
Filch dances with a purring Mrs. Norris. It is so very awww. I wish my cat would put up with things like that.
Hermione has glitter eye make up on. The hell? Al of a sudden we go from the happy ball to Hermione and Ron fighting and it’s one of the most abrupt scene switches in the entire movie. Especially since their conflict over Hermione going with Krum isn’t really built up.
Hey, a tombstone! This has to do with Voldemort! Look at that, part of the plot! Harry wakes up from his bad Voldemort killing people dream and I realize that the actor’s got really long eyelashes. Neville has just gotten back form the dance and is still disheveled and still adorable.
Cedric hits on Harry, suggesting they take a nice warm bubble bath together. Sadly, Harry finds Moaning Myrtle there instead and she’s kind of creepy in her sexual harassment.
Second Task! Are we done yet? Harry gets gillyweed from Neville. (I’m inclined to like this movie just because they cut out all of the house elves, thank god.) Harry looks like a badly CGIed fish-human-thing. A school of fish follows Harry as he swims down deep into the lake. Nuntia says this is because they think he’s sexy and are stalking him.
Harry saves people from the mermaids and then there’s another WTF, was that in the books moment when he does a spell that sends him flying up out of the water. I think he sad Acsendio, or something like that. This makes me fear that people will suddenly start flying without broomsticks in Dymphna’s.
Daddy crouch is dead! Whoo! I didn’t mind him, but I’m in favor of anything that ups the body count.
Someone explain to me why anyone would ever think that licorice that bites you is a good idea? Harry pokes around Dumbledore’s abandoned office, falls into the Pensieve, trail, blah, returns, Dumbledore explains all, but then says, “Every time I get close to an answer, it slips away.” This might be a sign it’s time for him to retire.
The scene where Voldemort kills the caretaker is shown for the third time. Once was enough, really.
Snape threatens Harry with the truth potion. This is the part where I decided that I <3ed his shady teaching ethics. I think really I just like when bad things happen to Harry.
Third task! Maze of Doom! It’s almost over! The Beaubaxtons students are apparently doing the Macarena. I wonder if a minotaur’s going to show up in the maze and hope that all the champions were given a ball of thread. Fleur is totally the pretty blonde girl who gets offed in every single horror movie in existence. How lame are the other girls from her school that she was the one who the best of all of them to compete in this?
Sending up flares for help is pretty useless, since after they fade no one can tell where you are and they apparently piss off the maze and make it more dangerous.
Harry needs to get over his hero complex. It was him and Cedric being such upstanding, fair, and moral young men that got Cedric sent to the cemetery and killed. I’m not sure that’s quite the message they wanted to send.
Little baby Voldemort is kind of cute. Nuntia is very disappointed that clothes materialized on him after he became grown up Voldemort. He then goes to Wormtail, all gimme a hug! But not really, as he then magically re-inks the Dark Mark or something. This summons all the Death Eaters. Voldemort then talks and talks and talks. Then he remembers Harry’s there and he’s almost creepy for a minute but then he goes overdramatic and sarcastic and this is the part all of the Death Eaters should be going “Uhhh…out boss is kind of crazy.” It does come across very well that Voldemort is totally the kind of overdramatic idiot who would come up with an overly complicated plot to kill someone.
Power of love, Harry escapes, takes Cedric’s dead body with him, Amos Diggory breaks my heart mourning for his son. Not!Moody takes the chance to get Harry away from everyone else and kill him. Ididn’t take note son this part because I didn’t care, so we’ll skip ahead to Dumbledores’ speech about Cedric’s “really terrible” death. “Really terrible.” Well, gee, that was really eloquent of you, Dumbledore.
End of school, everyone leaves, did these guys go to any classes at all this year?
Hermione has what my newspaper called the best line in the movie: “Everything is going to change now, isn’t it?” Harry’s response boils down to: “Yeah. Duh.” And then he, she, and Ron walk away bickering to show that the more things change the more they stay the same.
Overall, I actually kind of liked the movie. I would have liked it better if the people making it had just given up completely with sticking to the books, because there’s only so good this thing can be considering the source material. Also, they need to get all of the male students haircuts. Like now. And the movie should’ve been all about Neville
* Monster House: Dumb
Cheaper by the Dozen 2: Eh, maybe.
King Kong: Why’re there dinosaurs? Were there dinosuars int he original? Are we sure this isn't King Kong vs. Jurassic Park?
Lady in the Water: We thought this was the fake film that would be interrupted by the ring of a cellphone to illustrate why people should turn off their goddamn phones. Imagine our surprise when we were wrong.
No Narnia trailer? I’m sad.