Logline

[rhienelleth]

A resourceful space pilot with a troublesome telepathic gift is searching for the mother she lost fifteen years ago, when she is kidnapped by pirates outlawed by the government for their own psychic abilities; but when she discovers her kidnappers are also the family who once tried to kill her as a child, she realizes the mystery of her mother’s

Comments

[queenoftheskies]

I was fortunate to take a screenwriting class with the gentleman who wrote that book before he died. Good experience.

I hear that some literary agents like loglines and some don't, but you can generally learn the ones who don't fairly easily.

I think the second half of the logline needs to be clarified a bit.

[rhienelleth]

Wow, that is really awesome! I wouldn't hesitate to take a class with him, given the opportunity. (I understand he is no longer with us, and learning this made me very sad. He is so vibrant on the pages of his book.) I love his voice and pretty much everything he says in his books.

I'm not doing the logline as a pitch - I already have an agent, so hopefully that won't be necessary! :) Anyway, I'm doing it as an exercise. He really emphasizes that the ability to boil your book/script down to that one engaging line is a good indication of how awesome your story is (my words, not his).

I agree. It just doesn't read right to me, but this is the twentieth or so iteration, and I just reached a point where new versions sounded worse, not better. I thought it sharing it and getting feedback might give me a fresh perspective.

[rhienelleth]

Okay, I posted another version up top. I think it is more clear. What do you think?

[queenoftheskies]

If you were doing this for a screenplay, I'd say it was a little too long, but since you're not... :)

The one thing I still wonder is why she has to embrace her gifts if any of them are to survive.

Though I think this version gives a better idea of the story, definitely.

[rhienelleth]

Ok, cool. I'll tinker some more, see if I can make the last part more clear without adding yet more wordiness to it.