Apr 06, 2007 01:35
Hmm I never know how to start these things. It takes me forever to figure out what to write but once I get started then I keep going. I then think to too fast and I have tons of grammatical errors because of it. I usually never fix them because I get tried when I finish writing and I turn into a lazy ass. This will probably happen tonight. I was going to apologize in advance but I am not going to this time. I say sorry way too much. I use it so much that it has become just a word and it has lost its meaning. I apologize for everything even when it is not my fault. I do not want to do that anymore. I do not need to say sorry so much. It makes me look insecure and I am not an insecure person. I have a lot going for me and I do not need to apologize for that.
These last two weeks have be such an eye opener for me. For starters my boyfriend broke up with me. It hurts but I know it was for the best. I do not hate him. I am not mad at what he did. It was the right thing to do. We both were not ready for a commitment. We moved to fast he saw that before I did. He was not ready and did not want to take it any further. I on the other hand thought I was ready and at first did not understand why he would break up with me if he was happy with me. We had a really good relationship but (yes there is a "but") thats all it was other aspects of are lives were suffering. School and work were taking a toll and it was stressing both of us out. I was failing a class and he was having a hard time with his Program Director position at the radio station. He was always stressed. We looked good on paper but it in reality it was going no where. I am starting to realize liking a person is not enough. When the infatuation wears off if you still only like the person and it does not evolve into something deeper. If it does not then it is not worth it. I am not saying it has to evolve into love but I am saying like is not going to hold up. You have to take it to the next level and think about the future. If you do not see that person in your future you have to let him or her go. In this case he let me go. I am now glad he did. I thought I could see him in my future but I do not. We want different things at the moment we are not established in are careers to have commitment. There is still things we need to get done before we can get into a relationship with someone. I do miss him though but more I miss the Idea of having someone. I sometime wonder if he misses me. Not just he misses talking to me but if really misses all of me. Even though I miss the idea I miss all of him.... but I know it is for the best. I can not be his friend I still have feelings for him and that would be too painful I have to get over him.
On another note A friend of mine who I always felt guilty about not returning his feelings of affection. I always thought since we had the same belief system in spirituality and we get along well that maybe I should date him. However, I was not physically or mentally attracted to him. I only saw him as friend. I finally realized I do not feel guilty anymore. I am glad; we too have have different goals and God has different plans in our live. I also seen a different side of him that was not good. It really changed the way I think about him. I do not want to say this but he is weak too. He said to me everyone has a breaking point. I do not believe that I understand there is something you have to let go because they are not good. But then there are somethings that you invested to so much time into them that it would be wrong to quit even if the worst possible thing go happen. You have to finish and stay strong. There is also tragedies that happen but you can not give up. You have to pick yourself up and continue to move forward. You can hit a point where you want to give up but I think if you believe in faith and God whatever your religion maybe (religion is man made faith is real) there is no breaking point and you can not give up.
Ok I am done for now I edit tomorrow or sometime soon and also write a part 2 because there is more to these stories.