this is an endless sky...
i am still rolling around in anxiety and stress and amazement and bliss.
is it like this for everyone? am i crazy? why is everything always so intense? i suppose its just my lot in life. i say that all the time but that doesnt mean that deep down i dont wish some things would change. they are part of life though. really, i am talking about work. there are just so many things on a regular basis that can be so stupid. really though today my major pissed-off-ness came from a supervisor that disrespected me for the third time in front of a crowd. it really ate me up and ruined my night. i did go to my manager and talk to her about it but i dont like doing that. i dont like being a complainer. i dont actually like bitching when it is something i feel that seriously about. i do like bitching when its small trivial who cares stuff, because in that case, a lot of the time i really dont care either i am just super sarcastic and jaded. but when it comes to respect i cant tolerate it. i could have killed someone. its also june now, and i was told at one point that i would be getting my raise in june. i dont really want to bring it up but i am doing as much as the senior photographers on day shift, and have been since i moved to night shift, all without the pay. i hope it wont be much longer.
my friendship with travis has rekindled easily as usual. hes been around for a bit but i hadnt seen hardly any of him until here recently ive made some time for him. he is still sober and doing really well. sat night, after a REALLY stupid day (company picnic, hailing thunderstorms & losing my keys added to not enough sleep) i went to hang out with him. it was particularly fun for me because he is going through all his things, which means many things i am familiar with and have been there for and were also parts of my life i had forgotten about. we went through his cd collection to see what worked and what was too scratched. ran into the superface album from about 6 years ago. i was on a vacation here in ky and was staying at the studio when chris, the singer of the band came over and we all hung out. they played the album for me in the studio really loud and were having such a good time. well i told chris how great i thought his album was, and the next day before my flight, he came back to the studio and gave me a copy. i have always loved it to death and listened to it so much when i lived in hollywood. it was pretty much all i listened to for months, and times were hard out there. i spent hours in my car with that album on. now it is all scratched up and i can barely listen to it. trav ran into about 4 copies of 5 of the tracks and we laughed at the bon jovi reference in the "daddy" song. it was great to laugh about it and he gave me one of his copies so i could at least have those 5 songs. tonight i sent a message to chris, who i havent talked to in years, on myspace asking if he could help me get another copy of the entire album.
after that we just talked a whole lot. laughed at eachother and went through some of his fan mail and other mail. he had an unopened letter from me, which i apparently sent to him from when i lived in hollywood, but it was about some time that we had spent at a studio in new york and some shit that went down there. it was REALLY weird reading it. i had pretty much completely forgotten about that place. but it was when he was recording the red album the first time around. he laughed at me, and i laughed at me, and how i am so "me being me" in the letter. its cool that hes saved lots of stuff like that.
he filmed the follow up of the intervention show last weekend. it sounded so stressful, and ironically hilarious because of all the stupid shit that apparently happened while they were trying to record, but it also seemed insulting. because they wanted to make him do all kinds of shit to show how amazing his life is now that he is sober, and it seemed to lose sight of the fact that his actual sobriety itself IS the amazing thing going on, not his room or whatever else. and he felt like if it wasnt a miracle enough that he wasnt high and hasent been in a year and a half, that they could fuck off. plus he started to feel even more of a disconnection from his best friend. and ive been distant from my best friend here lately too. so we talked that out. and i admitted to my own stubborn ways but it didnt really make me feel better. but i sucked it up and wrote to her the other day anyway. shes just really busy i just missed her a lot in my whole reconnecting on old times run. i wanted to include her and tell her how funny shit was and she was there for the whole superface album story and i thought it would make her smile.... and it bummed me out that it seemed like she didnt care no matter if i knew she cared deep down or not. i didnt get any reaction out of her and it hurt my feelings. things will get better eventually. when she gets less busy i will be here. i just need to back off and let her do what she needs to do. travis will probably only be here a few more weeks anyway. so hopefully i will see him one or two more times before he heads out. hes been starting to write again recently since hes been more in touch with me. i guess i bring out the crazy goofball in him, but he knows i am serious about our friendship and that it is very strong above all.
morbid is the same. works too much and is too crazy, but he is still great. finally shaved his face all smooth. i had a dream the other night that he was leaving me because he found me boring. luckily he trusts me and knows my friendship with travis, no matter what our past has involved, isnt going anywhere. travis wants to meet morbid and it would be nice too if that could happen before he leaves town again. he just wants to show him that he isnt a threat and is simply my humble grateful little old friend.
our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks. i have no idea where the last year has gone. i took that night off of work and i think we might go get tattoos that weekend. its been years since we have gotten any and we talk about it too much to not do something! i want to add to my shoulders. i want to add flowers and vines but i am not sure how. i am going to contact scott winskey about it though because hes the shit when it comes to tattoos.
my gary might be touring through here in august. i am going to try to hook him up with a show somehow. didnt make it to kimmet & dougs cd release party, ive got to see them soon and get a few albums to support them!
saw pirates - loved it
thats plenty for now........... i am too tired to keep going.
xoxo
is it like this for everyone? am i crazy? why is everything always so intense? i suppose its just my lot in life. i say that all the time but that doesnt mean that deep down i dont wish some things would change. they are part of life though. really, i am talking about work. there are just so many things on a regular basis that can be so stupid. really though today my major pissed-off-ness came from a supervisor that disrespected me for the third time in front of a crowd. it really ate me up and ruined my night. i did go to my manager and talk to her about it but i dont like doing that. i dont like being a complainer. i dont actually like bitching when it is something i feel that seriously about. i do like bitching when its small trivial who cares stuff, because in that case, a lot of the time i really dont care either i am just super sarcastic and jaded. but when it comes to respect i cant tolerate it. i could have killed someone. its also june now, and i was told at one point that i would be getting my raise in june. i dont really want to bring it up but i am doing as much as the senior photographers on day shift, and have been since i moved to night shift, all without the pay. i hope it wont be much longer.
my friendship with travis has rekindled easily as usual. hes been around for a bit but i hadnt seen hardly any of him until here recently ive made some time for him. he is still sober and doing really well. sat night, after a REALLY stupid day (company picnic, hailing thunderstorms & losing my keys added to not enough sleep) i went to hang out with him. it was particularly fun for me because he is going through all his things, which means many things i am familiar with and have been there for and were also parts of my life i had forgotten about. we went through his cd collection to see what worked and what was too scratched. ran into the superface album from about 6 years ago. i was on a vacation here in ky and was staying at the studio when chris, the singer of the band came over and we all hung out. they played the album for me in the studio really loud and were having such a good time. well i told chris how great i thought his album was, and the next day before my flight, he came back to the studio and gave me a copy. i have always loved it to death and listened to it so much when i lived in hollywood. it was pretty much all i listened to for months, and times were hard out there. i spent hours in my car with that album on. now it is all scratched up and i can barely listen to it. trav ran into about 4 copies of 5 of the tracks and we laughed at the bon jovi reference in the "daddy" song. it was great to laugh about it and he gave me one of his copies so i could at least have those 5 songs. tonight i sent a message to chris, who i havent talked to in years, on myspace asking if he could help me get another copy of the entire album.
after that we just talked a whole lot. laughed at eachother and went through some of his fan mail and other mail. he had an unopened letter from me, which i apparently sent to him from when i lived in hollywood, but it was about some time that we had spent at a studio in new york and some shit that went down there. it was REALLY weird reading it. i had pretty much completely forgotten about that place. but it was when he was recording the red album the first time around. he laughed at me, and i laughed at me, and how i am so "me being me" in the letter. its cool that hes saved lots of stuff like that.
he filmed the follow up of the intervention show last weekend. it sounded so stressful, and ironically hilarious because of all the stupid shit that apparently happened while they were trying to record, but it also seemed insulting. because they wanted to make him do all kinds of shit to show how amazing his life is now that he is sober, and it seemed to lose sight of the fact that his actual sobriety itself IS the amazing thing going on, not his room or whatever else. and he felt like if it wasnt a miracle enough that he wasnt high and hasent been in a year and a half, that they could fuck off. plus he started to feel even more of a disconnection from his best friend. and ive been distant from my best friend here lately too. so we talked that out. and i admitted to my own stubborn ways but it didnt really make me feel better. but i sucked it up and wrote to her the other day anyway. shes just really busy i just missed her a lot in my whole reconnecting on old times run. i wanted to include her and tell her how funny shit was and she was there for the whole superface album story and i thought it would make her smile.... and it bummed me out that it seemed like she didnt care no matter if i knew she cared deep down or not. i didnt get any reaction out of her and it hurt my feelings. things will get better eventually. when she gets less busy i will be here. i just need to back off and let her do what she needs to do. travis will probably only be here a few more weeks anyway. so hopefully i will see him one or two more times before he heads out. hes been starting to write again recently since hes been more in touch with me. i guess i bring out the crazy goofball in him, but he knows i am serious about our friendship and that it is very strong above all.
morbid is the same. works too much and is too crazy, but he is still great. finally shaved his face all smooth. i had a dream the other night that he was leaving me because he found me boring. luckily he trusts me and knows my friendship with travis, no matter what our past has involved, isnt going anywhere. travis wants to meet morbid and it would be nice too if that could happen before he leaves town again. he just wants to show him that he isnt a threat and is simply my humble grateful little old friend.
our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks. i have no idea where the last year has gone. i took that night off of work and i think we might go get tattoos that weekend. its been years since we have gotten any and we talk about it too much to not do something! i want to add to my shoulders. i want to add flowers and vines but i am not sure how. i am going to contact scott winskey about it though because hes the shit when it comes to tattoos.
my gary might be touring through here in august. i am going to try to hook him up with a show somehow. didnt make it to kimmet & dougs cd release party, ive got to see them soon and get a few albums to support them!
saw pirates - loved it
thats plenty for now........... i am too tired to keep going.
xoxo