Aside from the obvious mental illness, this is all so meaningless...
I have ever-increasingly-horrid OCD. I mean, it is BAD. I'm not quite my mother, and I hope I do not ever get to that point, but I could see how it might plausibly happen. As Erica has taken to calling it, OCStacy...which, despite its negative connotations, I actually find quite adorable. I'm a big fan of nicknames.
I have the worst insomnia I may have ever had in my life right now. My sleep cycle this week has been completely backwards to nonexistent, meaning I've been sleeping during the middle of the day if at all, which as you might imagine, kind of interferes with life. A lot. It's annoying. See also: it's currently 6 a.m. and rap is playing in my living room (I can't believe I've never gotten a noise complaint in the 2 years that I've lived here...I have fantastic neighbors...mostly), last night I went grocery shopping at 2 a.m. just because, and this morning I was in full late-night TV-slouch mode when I realized that the morning news was on and they were discussing traffic and weather and such.
I am so behind in all school-related things, it's insane. My OCD keeps me on top of things like cleaning and laundry, but I've discovered that I will find ANY excuse to waste endless amounts of time and to keep from doing anything that remotely resembles homework. For instance, this week I have shaved my legs...twice. If you know me even semi-well, you probably know that, ordinarily, I shave my legs once a month at best, and I have been known to go without doing so for up to 3 months at a time...and I usually only shave for special occasions that require leg-bearing, like skirts, summer, or sex...none of which occur all that often. Anyway, I've taken to shaving my legs to avoid homework, it's really sad. Tonight I painted my toenails for probably the first time in 2 years to avoid doing homework...I'm very meticulous when painting toenails (see OCD), so it takes me a very long time. Upon finishing, I proceeded to stare at my toes for a good 20 minutes, and then I decided that I like my toes better naked (which would be why I haven't painted them in two years) and I removed said polish.
The large stack of books went untouched yet again.
I can't believe that I just wrote that much about leg-shaving and toenail-painting. If there were an award for wasting time, there would be no contest. If you've actually gotten this far in this god-forsaken entry, I sincerely apologize. I do recognize that it's completely ridiculous and trivial...but I'm just trying to make that very point about the state of myself and my life, so I suppose it works.
I really do feel like I'm going insane sometimes. I am crawling inside my own skin.
On the upside, perhaps more writing rants will follow? I could definitely use some of those to my benefit.
I feel that I should mention that I, all things aside, am super excited about upcoming festivities on March 23? I think it's the 23rd, whatever that Sunday is...there will most certainly be a pinata filled with something...I'm thinking shaving cream...maybe a kiddie pool, I haven't worked it all out yet. The photographer has been lined up, yay. I know it's "easter," but bitch, please. I always cook non-Easter dinner for my "family" that day anyway, so this year it is being combined into non-Easter/normal Sunday night/L Word season finale/we really wanted an excuse to purchase and beat the hell out of a pinata. So. If anybody wants to come participate, let me know. Jesus, pinatas, and hot lesbians, there's something for everyone. I promise to jump up and down. A lot.
I have the worst insomnia I may have ever had in my life right now. My sleep cycle this week has been completely backwards to nonexistent, meaning I've been sleeping during the middle of the day if at all, which as you might imagine, kind of interferes with life. A lot. It's annoying. See also: it's currently 6 a.m. and rap is playing in my living room (I can't believe I've never gotten a noise complaint in the 2 years that I've lived here...I have fantastic neighbors...mostly), last night I went grocery shopping at 2 a.m. just because, and this morning I was in full late-night TV-slouch mode when I realized that the morning news was on and they were discussing traffic and weather and such.
I am so behind in all school-related things, it's insane. My OCD keeps me on top of things like cleaning and laundry, but I've discovered that I will find ANY excuse to waste endless amounts of time and to keep from doing anything that remotely resembles homework. For instance, this week I have shaved my legs...twice. If you know me even semi-well, you probably know that, ordinarily, I shave my legs once a month at best, and I have been known to go without doing so for up to 3 months at a time...and I usually only shave for special occasions that require leg-bearing, like skirts, summer, or sex...none of which occur all that often. Anyway, I've taken to shaving my legs to avoid homework, it's really sad. Tonight I painted my toenails for probably the first time in 2 years to avoid doing homework...I'm very meticulous when painting toenails (see OCD), so it takes me a very long time. Upon finishing, I proceeded to stare at my toes for a good 20 minutes, and then I decided that I like my toes better naked (which would be why I haven't painted them in two years) and I removed said polish.
The large stack of books went untouched yet again.
I can't believe that I just wrote that much about leg-shaving and toenail-painting. If there were an award for wasting time, there would be no contest. If you've actually gotten this far in this god-forsaken entry, I sincerely apologize. I do recognize that it's completely ridiculous and trivial...but I'm just trying to make that very point about the state of myself and my life, so I suppose it works.
I really do feel like I'm going insane sometimes. I am crawling inside my own skin.
On the upside, perhaps more writing rants will follow? I could definitely use some of those to my benefit.
I feel that I should mention that I, all things aside, am super excited about upcoming festivities on March 23? I think it's the 23rd, whatever that Sunday is...there will most certainly be a pinata filled with something...I'm thinking shaving cream...maybe a kiddie pool, I haven't worked it all out yet. The photographer has been lined up, yay. I know it's "easter," but bitch, please. I always cook non-Easter dinner for my "family" that day anyway, so this year it is being combined into non-Easter/normal Sunday night/L Word season finale/we really wanted an excuse to purchase and beat the hell out of a pinata. So. If anybody wants to come participate, let me know. Jesus, pinatas, and hot lesbians, there's something for everyone. I promise to jump up and down. A lot.