Finally, an update and an apology
First, I want to sincerely apologize to those who are reading this and have been wondering what the hell has happened to me over the past *cringes* two to three years. I am very sorry for having not updated, not even a paragraph to let you know if I was still alive or not. Obviously, I'm still here; my hubby is not ghost writing for me.
Looking back at my previous post, this will seem somewhat similar, aside from the self-admit to the psych unit. No more in-patient psych treatment.
I have read every comment left on my previous post, and even if I didn't respond, I do appreciate every one of them. I know that psych illnesses really mess with brain chemistry, and that there's not much pure willpower or intellect can do to fight it, even though that's how I've fought every other major illness I've had (or have) in my life. But there's what one knows and then there's reality, which don't always mix well.
I'm not going to apologize for having an illness, but I am apologizing for worrying you, dear reader, for not having posted a sentence or two along the lines of "Not dead, still fighting my own brain chemistry. Try not to worry too much."
On the up side, I'm on a new antidepressant for Major Depressive Disorder, Viibryd, and it is the first one I've ever been on that is non-sedating, which makes all the difference in the world. I went off my old meds (like most psych patients do at some point, despite knowing better) and didn't notice any difference. So I mentally went "fuck it" and pretty much slept the past 2 years away. If you saw me at DragonCon, that was the longest I was out of bed and doing anything for the year.
I've started on the new regimen which includes therapy and the new med earlier this year and the difference has been amazing. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. I've started writing again, some fanfic and one original work, plus even painting when I have a few hours to spend in my studio undisturbed. Hopefully, some fanfic will start showing up here again. I've even started working on my epic SGA fic again (lvs2read, you know the one ;) ), despite having started it a truly sad number of years ago, like when SGA was still airing...At least I didn't delete it, or lose it when I transferred my files to the new computer.
I plan on being at DragonCon again this year. I tried to enter the art show but that was a bust, I think I may have waited too long. I still plan on bringing some of my paintings to show off, if anyone is interested, and to try to sell (hey, might as well try) to anyone interested, whether I know the person or not. I'd just like to get my artwork out of my house and in someone else's, if not a gallery.
On the up side, I've started modeling again in the art department at my Alma Mater. They could always use models who aren't "stick figures", which is apparently what many of the female models they had been using looked like. Now, I'm not trying to belittle anyone's body size or shape, but for art school, instructors and students prefer female models with curves (think nudes from the 1600 and 1700s, or from Ancient Greece). The last time I modeled, earlier this year, while I was changing after the drawing session I heard a couple of students talking through the door (I was in a closet off the classroom) saying that, to paraphrase, "She's an amazing model, I loved the poses she did. And she looks like a Greek statue. Beautiful." That made my year and gave my confidence the boost it needed for me to do the summer semester painting class I'll be starting in a couple of weeks. I may or may not post some pictures of the students' works, depending on if I get permission to take a photo of the painting and just how much of me I'm willing to show online, even if it is a painting and not a photograph of me.
That's enough rambling for now. Although I do have one request: since I am getting back into writing but am having problems with deciding what to write, if you wouldn't mind leaving a SGA or SGU prompt in the comments, I'd love it. I just need something to get the writing muscles in shape again. Also, any SGU prompts will be my first SGU fic (I watched both seasons over 3 days while I was ill a couple of months ago), but haven't written anything yet. I'll write anything: any pairing; any rating; any situation. No guarantee on the length, but it will be something.
Thank you for reading this and for your understanding.
Rhian
PS. Apparently LJ doesn't like Google Chrome, or else I just haven't updated my journal to be compatible. Ahh, good old Firefox to the rescue.