Apr 09, 2007 15:34
Excuse me. There's something I need to do real quick
***places face in pillow, screams repeatedly***
Ahem, thank you for waiting. I was so revved for today. I was psyched. I was going to get my passport with my brand spankin' new visa, go ask for my Alien Residency Card (ARC) and national health care insurance card, and then go open a bank account at the post office (you can do that here) so my work can start direct depositing my paycheck, as they've requested me to do.
So I pick up my passport no problem, and head to the immigration office so I can wait 30 minutes to be called, and then be told I don't have the right stuff (I wasn't told what to bring to begin with.) I need a copy of my lease (even though it's not in my name but in my roommate's) a copy of my passport main page, one of my visa (didn't they give me the visa themselves? wouldn't they already have it on record?), a work certificate, my work permit and a copy of the same (again, didn't they already a) issue it themselves and b) take a copy and see the original when I applied for my residency visa? isn't the fact that I have a residency visa fucking proof that I have the damn permit?), plus 1000 kuai (30 bucks), and two passport size photos (they're quite strict about the photos. They have to be exactly the right size.... I know because I've given them photos in Thailand and at the visa office. Why do they need more???) Fine, I'll come back tomorrow.
Next stop, post office. Another long wait. Then, then, then, children, comes the most unusual and unique Taiwanese experience of them all. It's when a Taiwanese person who clearly doesn't speak English /refuses/ to accept that I speak Chinese, and instead insists upon using their back English to confuse me. The woman at the post office really panicked when she saw me. It was crazy. First she said I need a "residency certification," to which I replied in Chinese, "You mean like a contract for my apartment where I live?" She then freaked and went running around trying to find someone to tell her how to say what she wanted to say in English. And I'm like, "Just explain it to me in Chinese, I'll understand." But no, I got more bad English amongst a smattering of Chinese, which really didn't help. Finally, at the end, when I thought I understood everything I needed, I repeated it to her in Chinese, and I think it then dawned on her that a-real-live-foreigner-with-big-eyes-and-a-big-nose-might-ACTUALLY-speak-Chinese....
Though she probably later realized she was just mistaken. I probably was speaking English words that just sounded like Chinese. Obviously.
The same thing happened when I went to the doctor about my sprained ankle two years ago. He knew a lot of English words, but had NO grammar or sentence structure whatsoever. So he sounded like this, "you...ankle....no exercise.... like Michael Jordan... you know Michael Jordan?" Me: "Michael Jordan?" Him: "Yes! similar... like the Michael Jordan... is no throw **here makes a basketball shooting action*** cannot... must... is resting!"
He even called in his nurses to watch the exchange. I guess they were really impressed their boss was talking to a waiguoren (foreigner) in English. I wasn't quite as impressed. And then I clarified in Chinese, asked about a cast or wrapping my ankle, and he responded in Chinese.... to my Taiwanese friend who had come with me. "Tell her she'll have to blah blah blah, we'll give her acupuncture blah blah blah, have her come back blah blah blah...."
Me: "I'll have to blah blah blah? *Ahem*"
Doctor to me: "Must is resting, like the Michael Jordan!"
So now I will teach you all a new phrase: TIT, translation "this is Taiwan." As in: Today was so TIT. That doctor was so TIT. And why is it my boss insists I open an account at the post office for my direct deposit instead of using my pre-existing account at a Taiwanese bank? He won't say. They'll never say. They'll always have pointless rules that THEY KNOW are pointless and stick to them like they were scripture and never explain or change them. It's so TIT.
Ahh, I feel better.