(no subject)
There's nowhere else to vent, except this little place lost in the internet world.
I find no interest in writing or painting anymore. I don't know what it's all about, but I hope I get around to doing those things once again.
I hate the place by Mattox Street. I hate every Border Patrol car parked there. I hate the arrogant security guards. I hate Mattox Street.
I saw my aunt today for the third time and she is doing much better. I only told a few people about her situation, and I'll explain for anyone who is interested. My aunt has been in the United States since 1986. She has, since then, filed for residency, citizenship, whatever the fuck you're supposed to do to stay in this stupid country. My aunt used to live with my family and I, but she left when I was thirteen or so. She left to Mexico, came back to the States and crossed over to Albuquerque, and lived a good life until a week ago. My aunt used my uncle's ex-wife's social security and was caught by the police, because they were looking for my uncle's ex-wife. This woman was dealing narcotics in the States and as they were tracking her down, they found my aunt instead. I don't know what exactly happened when the police showed up at her work, but I understand that she had the opportunity to call my other aunts and uncles. No one answered her calls, my aunt hesitated and lied to the police. I wish my aunt wasn't so stubborn and she is now being held in a detention center. They relocated her in El Paso, and she will be have a trial this Thursday. My aunt in Albuquerque hired a lawyer, who is supposedly very honored.
Nothing really matters to me these days. I don't care about my grades, or going to college, or ever living a good life. I don't care. It's easy for me to pull of a genuinely content personality but in all honestly, I don't know what's going on inside of me. It feels strange to be going to school, knowing that my aunt is in a detention center, where she sleeps in a barrack, where she eats disgusting food, where she wears a blue uniform, and only speaks to us from behind a thick glass and a telephone. It feels strange watching everyone at school saying the pledge of allegiance. What are they pledging? I don't understand. I wish my aunt had my freedom. I wish my aunt had the opportunity to freely work anywhere she wanted. I wish my aunt had the opportunity to go to school again, to see us without a glass in between.
If things work out, my aunt might be living with us again, or she might just go back to Albuquerque. I might be able to miss school on Thursday for her trial. I hope I finally get to see her in person. I hope I get the chance to hug her.
I don't understand why freedom is so exclusive. Aren't we all the same? Aren't we all living in the same world? I don't understand why it is so oblivious for everyone to see that she is innocent.
I wish my aunt were here with me. I wish she still wore those crazy shades of lipstick. I wish my aunt moussed her hair and tried to teach me as well. I wish my aunt were in the living room with my mother, watching novellas, eating popcorn, calling me over to watch a funny commercial. I wish she still picked me up from school and carried an umbrella in her hand. I wish she would take me to the Friday treats stand and help me choose an apple flavored blow pop or a cherry one. I wish she was in Albuquerque, in El Paso, whichever place she now calls home. I wish she were here instead of me.
My sister says that all of this is making me into a better person.
It's not. I know it's not.
My aunt smiled today. It was very much worth seeing.
I find no interest in writing or painting anymore. I don't know what it's all about, but I hope I get around to doing those things once again.
I hate the place by Mattox Street. I hate every Border Patrol car parked there. I hate the arrogant security guards. I hate Mattox Street.
I saw my aunt today for the third time and she is doing much better. I only told a few people about her situation, and I'll explain for anyone who is interested. My aunt has been in the United States since 1986. She has, since then, filed for residency, citizenship, whatever the fuck you're supposed to do to stay in this stupid country. My aunt used to live with my family and I, but she left when I was thirteen or so. She left to Mexico, came back to the States and crossed over to Albuquerque, and lived a good life until a week ago. My aunt used my uncle's ex-wife's social security and was caught by the police, because they were looking for my uncle's ex-wife. This woman was dealing narcotics in the States and as they were tracking her down, they found my aunt instead. I don't know what exactly happened when the police showed up at her work, but I understand that she had the opportunity to call my other aunts and uncles. No one answered her calls, my aunt hesitated and lied to the police. I wish my aunt wasn't so stubborn and she is now being held in a detention center. They relocated her in El Paso, and she will be have a trial this Thursday. My aunt in Albuquerque hired a lawyer, who is supposedly very honored.
Nothing really matters to me these days. I don't care about my grades, or going to college, or ever living a good life. I don't care. It's easy for me to pull of a genuinely content personality but in all honestly, I don't know what's going on inside of me. It feels strange to be going to school, knowing that my aunt is in a detention center, where she sleeps in a barrack, where she eats disgusting food, where she wears a blue uniform, and only speaks to us from behind a thick glass and a telephone. It feels strange watching everyone at school saying the pledge of allegiance. What are they pledging? I don't understand. I wish my aunt had my freedom. I wish my aunt had the opportunity to freely work anywhere she wanted. I wish my aunt had the opportunity to go to school again, to see us without a glass in between.
If things work out, my aunt might be living with us again, or she might just go back to Albuquerque. I might be able to miss school on Thursday for her trial. I hope I finally get to see her in person. I hope I get the chance to hug her.
I don't understand why freedom is so exclusive. Aren't we all the same? Aren't we all living in the same world? I don't understand why it is so oblivious for everyone to see that she is innocent.
I wish my aunt were here with me. I wish she still wore those crazy shades of lipstick. I wish my aunt moussed her hair and tried to teach me as well. I wish my aunt were in the living room with my mother, watching novellas, eating popcorn, calling me over to watch a funny commercial. I wish she still picked me up from school and carried an umbrella in her hand. I wish she would take me to the Friday treats stand and help me choose an apple flavored blow pop or a cherry one. I wish she was in Albuquerque, in El Paso, whichever place she now calls home. I wish she were here instead of me.
My sister says that all of this is making me into a better person.
It's not. I know it's not.
My aunt smiled today. It was very much worth seeing.