33
title: viva la vida
characters: fernando torres/sergio ramos, xavi hernández, jose “pepe” reina, álvaro arbeloa, xabi alonso, andrés iniesta, íker casillas, cesc fàbregas
prompt: from lalawrites: Fernando and Sergio run into each other at the park, walking their dogs. (yay, doggies!) Sergio doesn't notice at first, but very quickly learns Fernando is blind. (Fernando is blind both physically and mentally in some way [you choose: about himself, about love, etc.].) Sergio teaches Fernando to "see".
word count: 7,126
rating: m; swearing, adult themes.
disclaimer: keratoplasty is a real operation regarding cornea transplants and sergio does own an rat of a dog called oddee that his older brother réne got for him, but last time i checked, fernando torres had 20/20 vision (and doesn’t own a pair of ray bans), and sergio didn’t work in marketing. it’s all lies, people.
author’s notes: first off, huge thanks to greeniebach, rhetoricwords and crusader_charly for the betas. thanks to everyone who left me prompts, and i shall do a few during my semester break. all comments appreciated. i'm not 100% sure whether someone in fernando's position could actually qualify for a keratoplasty, but in this fic, he can. :P and if you’re going to give concrit, keep it constructive.
there are moments in people’s lives when things change. someone dies, someone is born. an argument occurs or is mended. events in the world or events in our house. every decision we make affects us. a simple walk in the park can end up in a life changing surgery and the chance to see those who love us.
*
it had rained the night before, and sergio had fallen asleep at his desk, drooling all over his reports. he was awoken with a start as oddee began yelping and scratching at the door, one only mission in mind: the outside world and all its wonders. sergio groaned, his neck and back aching from having been hunched over all night.
“alright, alright,” he muttered, standing up slowly and stretching himself. yawning, he changed shirts and clipped oddee’s leash to him, stumbling out his apartment and down the stairs. it was barely seven am and sergio was amazed to see how busy madrid was. he stopped for a coffee and let oddee amble into the local park, sniffing viciously at whatever he could find.
“c’mon dog, hurry up. i’ve got to get back and shower before work,” sergio said, taking another sip of his coffee.
oddee barked and pulled forward, sniffing at a bulldog held back by a striking young man, his blonde hair shining in the morning sunlight. “hola!” sergio chirped, and the young man inclined his head.
“hola,” he said, his voice soft.
at closer range, sergio could see spattering of freckles all over his face, his eyes hidden behind dark ray bans, a black hooded sweatshirt, jeans and converse finishing off his slightly punk look.
“my name’s sergio,” sergio continued, offering out his hand. the young man kept staring at his dog.
“my name’s fernando. sorry if you have your hand offered, i can’t see it. i’m blind,” he said, in a matter-of-fact tone. sergio flushed a deep red, and stuck his hand in his pocket.
“oh, uh…sorry. i-i didn’t know…” sergio began to stammer, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when nervous. the boy shrugged.
“no biggie. usually the guide dog gives it away, but i don’t like labradors. i picked out caesar and they trained him for me. he usually doesn’t like other dogs, but yours must be quite attractive.” fernando said, a hint of laughter in his voice.
sergio laughed for him. “oddee’s a rat of a dog. my brother réne got him for me, and i didn’t want to offend him so…yeah. he broke his hip a month or so back, and this is the first time he’s been out.” sergio explained, and fernando nodded.
“i don’t usually do this with people i meet in the park, but…would you like to go for a coffee or something? caesar doesn’t usually like anyone, but my closest friends have come from people i’ve met and he’s liked.” fernando asked, his cheeks flushing as he looked in sergio’s general direction.
sergio smiled. “i’ve got to go to work this morning, but i’d love to. when else are you free?” fernando shrugged.
“i have all the time in the world.”
*
“what’re you smiling about?” andrés groused as sergio sauntered into the office, a huge smile across his face.
“oh, nothing. just met someone this morning and am meeting them for coffee after work,” he said, patting the secretary on the head as he picked up his mail.
“oh, really? and does this someone fit your usual m.o.? tall, blonde and over six inches?” andrés called after him as he walked to his office.
“what’s andrés yelling about?” xavi asked, poking his head out his office.
sergio shrugged. “jealous i met someone, i suppose.” xavi raised an eyebrow.
“you met someone? as in someone you’re planning on fucking tonight? or someone that you’re going to attempt to be friends with?”
sergio shrugged again, his smile blossoming. “this isn’t your usual person, xavi. he’s blind.”
xavi’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “he’s blind?! wow. you’ll do just about anyone, won’t you sergio?” sergio glared, and kept walking.
“he seemed like a nice guy and we’re going out for coffee. who says i’m going to fuck him?” xavi’s laughter followed him down the corridor.
by his lunchbreak, the news of sergio courting a blind man had spread across the office like wildfire. íker, michel and raúl had all been in, asking what the hell he thought he was doing hitting on a disabled person, and exasperation was beginning to set in.
“we’re just having coffee! there is no ‘hitting on’ going on!” sergio exclaimed as cesc walked past, a grin on his face.
~
across town, fernando was experiencing a similar situation. álvaro, xabi and pepe were seated in his lounge room, watching with amused expressions on their faces as fernando’s cheeks began to heat up at their questions.
“it’s just coffee!” he kept repeating. pepe rolled his eyes.
“nando, you never do ‘just coffee’ with anyone. you either get put off him from the beginning with something stupid he says, or you pick him apart until he can’t stand you anymore and leaves,” pepe replied.
“or caesar tries to take a chunk out of them!” álvaro chimed in. fernando glared at them.
“it’s not going to be like that, and i don’t pick anyone apart- you’re all mad.” he sniffed, crossing his arms.
*
at exactly four, sergio walked into café de roja, nervously looking around for fernando. he spotted him almost immediately, sitting at a window seat, the sunlight streaming through and hitting him. his hair was almost white in the afternoon rays, and he looked content as he talked to a waitress. sergio walked over, stopping in front of the chair.
“hi, fernando.” he said shyly, watching as fernando’s cheeks stain pink as he said hello in return.
“what’re you after, love?” the waitress asked.
“uhh, a moccachino please. fernando?” sergio asked. fernando smiled.
“i’ll have the same, thanks.” the girl smiled and whirled off to the counter, and sergio sat down.
“no caesar?” he asked, looking under the table. fernando laughed.
“no, not now. my friends are off seeing some movie, so they’ll be back when it’s finished. i hope you don’t mind?” he asked. sergio shook his head, and mentally berated himself.
“no, no, that’s fine. i like meeting new people,” he said. fernando’s mouth finally twisted into a smile, and sergio smiled back.
the coffee arrived, and fernando thanked the waitress politely as she set it down in front of him.
“can i get a straw, please?” he asked. she nodded, and grabbed one off the counter, holding it out to him. fernando stirred sugar into his drink, and the girl raised an eyebrow. taking the straw off her, sergio thanked her and she blinked.
“uh, no problem.” she said, and walked off. faced with a dilemma, he wondered how he’d give the straw to fernando without embarrassing him or embarrassing himself.
“i have your straw…” he finally said, and fernando flushed.
“oh, thanks. uhm…” he started, as sergio leant over and placed the straw between his fingers, feeling the smooth skin of his hands. fernando’s fingers enclosed slowly around it and he thanked him softly, placing it in the warm drink and blowing down it. sergio smiled again, and relaxed.
the next hour passed far too quickly for sergio’s liking, three young men walking in soon after five and making a beeline for fernando’s table.
“ah, so you must be sergio. fernando told us all about your meeting in the park this morning. caesar never likes anyone- you must be special. i’m pepe,” said the bald one, a cheeky grin on his face. sergio flushed, and shook his head.
“nice to meet you,” he replied, looking at the other two.
“i’m xabi,” said the one to pepe’s left, with soft brown hair and a chiselled jaw.
“and i’m álvaro. i used to go to school with nando,” explained the one to pepe’s right, with black hair and an equally as cheeky grin as on pepe’s face. sergio smiled, and shook their hands.
“well, i’d better be going…” sergio started, but pepe cut in.
“oh, no way! come back to fernando’s. i’m cooking a huge dinner for his birthday, and i’m sure he’d love it if you came.” he said, clapping a hand on sergio’s shoulder.
“it’s your birthday?” he asked, incredulous. fernando had turned bright pink and was staring very hard at the table.
“he turned 23 today. we were all sure he’d wish for a boyfriend, and then you appear! what good luck.” pepe said, laughing. sergio blushed and fernando growled, frowning in their direction, crossing his arms.
“oh, don’t be such a baby. c’mon, let’s go!” pepe said, taking his arm and leading him outside.
“don’t mind pepe. he’s one of the few people that makes fernando laugh when he gets into one of his moods,” xabi whispered as they followed them out.
“moods?” sergio asked, and álvaro nodded.
“he gets really depressed from time to time, misses being able to see. he hasn’t always been blind, y’know. i’m guessing he hasn’t told you the story yet?” he said. xabi glared at álvaro, but sergio shook his head.
“when we were 18, fernando was bleaching his hair. being the idiot he is, he was attempting to do it himself and he got peroxide in his eyes and didn’t wash it out quick enough and his corneas were scarred. he’s on the waiting list for a keratoplasty, corneal transplants, and has been since it happened, but y’know- the spanish medical system isn’t something you’d write home about.” álvaro said.
sergio was at a loss for words. “yeah, it’s pretty fucked up. he constantly blames himself, which is perfectly acceptable, but if we don’t watch him…he tries stupid stuff. he’s got a lot of friends, but he trusts us the most. he gets reclusive a lot of the time, so it was a huge surprise when we heard he’d been out walking caesar.” álvaro continued, xabi silent next to him.
they stopped at a red light, and pepe called for sergio. “if he tries something stupid, i’m going to punch him in the head,” xabi said, as they joined pepe and fernando.
“here, my arm’s hurting. you take him for a while.” he said, offering fernando’s hand to him.
fernando’s jaw dropped, and sergio blushed. “uhh…” he started, but the green light went and pepe shoved him forward.
“pepe, you really are a bitch,” álvaro laughed as sergio took his hand and began to lead him forward.
“i’m really, really sorry about this…” fernando began to apologize, his jaw twitching.
“no, it’s fine. really. if i didn’t want to be here, i would’ve told you i needed to wash my hair or something,” sergio laughed, and fernando shook his head.
“honestly, it is. you’re an interesting guy and i like being here.” sergio said as they stopped at the other side and waited for pepe and the others to overtake them and lead them home.
sergio watched the sunlight in the distance, catching himself before he asked fernando what he thought of it. some young children came rushing over the intersection, jostling fernando and sending him flying into sergio’s chest.
“shit,” fernando gasped, sergio’s arms snapping around him to steady him.
“i’m so sorry,” he said, but sergio shook his head.
“it’s fine,” he said, dazed at being this close to fernando. he smelled absolutely divine, and sergio’s eyes were going wild at the sight of fernando so close to him. fernando smiled and looked down, and sergio let go, pepe and álvaro sniggering as they walked past, xabi sighing exasperatedly.
“c’mon,” sergio said, taking his hand again and leading fernando on.
after recovering from the flustered encounter, they slipped into easy conversation, sergio describing the surroundings to fernando as they walked.
“oh my god fernando, you’re so lucky you can’t see this guy. he’s got a pair of purple snakeskin leather pants on! purple snakeskin!” sergio gasped, trying his best not to giggle as the unfortunate man passed them by. fernando’s mouth had stretched into a grin, and his fingers were clutching tightly at sergio’s.
“and there’s a pair of lovers kissing at the fountain. i think she might be pregnant. it’s a beautiful thing,” sergio continued, his voice falling to a whisper, it brushing the blonde curls next to fernando’s ear.
“and there’s a vendor giving a bread roll to a little boy. i think he might be homeless, he looks a bit ragged.” they reached fernando’s apartment shortly after, pepe plucking the keys from fernando’s outstretched hands and opening the door. caesar’s barks followed the older man into the apartment, and fernando hung back shyly, waiting for sergio to go in.
“i think the place might be a bit of a mess, the cleaner’s on holiday…” he started, but sergio merely smiled.
“i’m sure it can’t be as bad as my place,” he said, stepping over caesar and inspecting the apartment.
it was simple, airy and filled with sunlight. there was a long hallway with two doors on the left, and picture frames up on the walls of fernando during various stages in his life, with various people. there was a huge open area, with a glass dinner table and four chairs off to the left, and on the right was a kitchen and a lounge room off to the left of that. there were two guitars and a keyboard lying on the floor, and a pair of bongo drums he had a feeling belonged to pepe, along with a large stereo and a huge bookcase, stacked with cds, books and movies to accompany the large tv. “like it?” fernando asked nervously from behind him. he smiled.
“of course. very tasteful and very…you. from what i can see, anyway. you seem like a very cool guy.” sergio said, laughing. álvaro’s head popped out from around the corner to the kitchen.
“get nando to give you a tour,” he said, winking and disappearing again.
fernando sighed, but beckoned for sergio to follow him. he opened the first door in the hallway, which revealed a bedroom. “this is my room,” he said simply. sergio stuck his head in, and looked around. there was a large queen sized bed in the middle of the room, and huge bay windows to the side, framed with white curtains. a large stereo stood next to the bed, and a desk with papers and various books was against the wall, and a large wardrobe on the left finished the room.
“i kind of pretty much just live in jeans and whatever t-shirt i pick up in the morning. that way i have no chance of a fashion faux pas, as pepe calls them.” fernando said, standing against the other wall, his hands behind his back. sergio laughed, and fernando’s smile appeared again. they made their way slowly around the apartment, fernando stopping to explain various things about his place, until xabi finally appeared, rubbing his hands.
“everything’s finished. has fernando shown you around?” xabi asked, watching sergio intently. he nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets.
“fernando has a really nice place. much better than mine,” he said, and xabi grinned.
“álvaro and another of my friends, dani, share the place with me. their rooms are off down the other end of the apartment.” fernando explained.
xabi led them to the table, another chair appearing out of nowhere for sergio, who was promptly placed right next to fernando, pepe on the other side. as pepe served out the lunch and álvaro chatted about the movie, sergio’s eyes trailed around the room until they landed on fernando.
he seemed calm and happy, but there was an air to him that suggested otherwise. his shoulders would begin to sag, and then he’d seem to catch himself and straighten up, as if he were putting on a face for the world. sergio found himself hoping he’d be around long enough to learn about this other fernando.
“so, a toast! happy birthday, fernando. you’ve aged beautifully!” pepe said, raising his wine glass. fernando smiled and raised his own, pulling it back down quickly and draining it.
~
“oh god, i’m stuffed,” sergio groaned, patting his swollen stomach. pepe nodded, and xabi moved around, álvaro moaning loudly and undoing his jeans.
fernando had pushed his ray bans up onto his head, his blonde hair falling around the lenses, the comparison between the two stark. sergio had snuck looks at him when he thought the others weren’t looking, trying to see his eyes. they looked like normal brown eyes as far as he could see, but they had a thick haze covering them.
pepe got up and xabi stood too, taking sergio’s plate from him. “i’ll do it-” he started, but xabi batted at his hand.
“don’t be ridiculous. fernando’s got a dishwasher and you’re a guest. just sit and relax while pepe gets the cake.” he said.
“oh no, you didn’t!” fernando moaned, rubbing his face. álvaro laughed, and wrapped his arms around fernando’s neck, pressing a kiss into his hair.
“of course we did! it’s your birthday, stupid. you can’t have a birthday without cake. we already did presents this morning. oh man, you should see what i got him. they released the da vinci code in braille, so once he hurries up and reads it, we can finally talk about it!” álvaro said, massaging fernando’s shoulders.
sergio laughed, and looked over as pepe bought a cheesecake in. “aha! your favourite cheesecake, nando!” xabi announced, lighting the candles as pepe set it down in front of him.
a round of “happy birthday” and some very good candle blowing later, caesar appeared from the kitchen. he waddled in and walked under the table, and sergio gasped. fernando’s face snapped to him, and his fingers reached out for sergio’s arm.
“what’s wrong?” he asked.
“oh, sorry! caesar just…did something to my leg. i don’t even know what he’s doing.” sergio said, looking under the table.
pepe, xabi and álvaro followed, their eyes wide. caesar was rubbing against sergio’s leg, squashing his fat body in between his feet and settling down.
“holy shit nando,” pepe murmured, looking up and at sergio.
“w-what? what’s he doing? tell me!” fernando exclaimed.
“he just…i don’t know, he just nuzzled sergio’s legs and is sitting in between his feet. hot damn, boy! what are you, some sort of dog whisperer?” álvaro said.
sergio blinked. “caesar really hates other people that much?” sergio asked, looking down at the dog. pepe nodded.
“he let me be near fernando, but he almost took my face off the first time i tried to touch him,” he said. sergio laughed nervously, the air broken by his phone ringing.
“excuse me,” he said, getting up and flipping it open.
“hello?” he asked, rolling his eyes to hear xavi and andrés laughing in the background.
“fucked him yet?” they chorused, and sergio sighed, kneading his temples.
“i have no plans for that. we’re eating cake and i’m getting humped by his dog. i found out it’s his birthday,” sergio whispered as he shut the front door.
“oooh, pressure. what’re you gonna do, casanova?” xavi yelled.
“nothing, you moron. i’ve only just met the guy…and you have a filthy mind!” he hissed, looking up and watching as the sun began to set in the distance.
“well, don’t forget that you’re coming out with us tonight. we’ll come pick you up, shall we?” andrés asked, scuffling with xavi on the other end.
“er, sure. i don’t actually know where i am, though.” andrés began to laugh, and sergio growled.
“oh my god, you really are a prize catch, ramos. thankfully for you, your phone has gps and we’re linked to it. looks like you’re in a pretty posh part of town.” sergio raised an eyebrow.
“really? there’s just a lot of apartments…i can’t see any mansions or anything anywhere,” he said. xavi coughed, and andrés continued.
“whatever. we’re already on the road, so we’ll be there in ten minutes. be waiting downstairs otherwise we’re leaving you stranded there!” he said, xavi laughing and hanging up.
sergio sighed and opened the door, pepe and álvaro almost falling on top of him.
“i told them not to eavesdrop but nobody listens to me,” fernando called from behind them, and sergio smiled as pepe and álvaro smiled sheepishly.
“that was just my friends. they’re coming around to pick me up…” sergio explained, squeezing past the two and walking into the kitchen.
“oh, okay.” fernando said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. sergio felt his stomach twist at the sound, and he flipped open his phone again, scanning through his planner.
“i’m free on friday afternoon, if you want to have coffee again?” he said. xabi beamed at him, and pepe nudged fernando, ducking a well-aimed blow from the latter.
“that sounds excellent,” he said, smiling up at sergio.
“great,” sergio replied, unable to stop smiling himself.
*
and so began a routine between them. twice a week they’d meet up for coffee, and it kept up for the next four months. fernando began to relax around sergio, and sergio began to see glimpses of this other persona, the one that weighed down his shoulders and his smile. as a result of spending extended periods of time around fernando, sergio found his personality changing, adapting, and becoming more aware. he began to donate money to blind charities and sponsored guide dogs. all he wanted to do was spend time with fernando, desperate to learn more about this enigma of a man he had stumbled across ridiculously early one morning. he also found himself learning a lot about his own personality and ideals through fernando, and what he saw.
“your friends treat you as if you’re this walking whore, but i don’t see that. your voice is too kind for you to be that fucked over by life,” fernando announced one evening as sergio finished a conversation with xavi.
“i slept around a bit because i was looking for someone. i don’t exactly make the smartest life choices. i mean, i’m working at a multinational company as a marketing manager. i don’t even like marketing. i’d rather be…i don’t know, playing football all day or modelling or doing something interesting.” sergio sighed, playing with the salt shaker.
“why don’t you do it?” fernando asked. he was wearing a dark green shirt today, and it bought out the brown in his eyes. that is, when he removed his sunglasses and happened to look sergio’s way. sergio shrugged.
“i went to university because it was the right thing to do. i was good at football but school came first. that was the deal and here i am.” he said.
“you’re not too old to break into the professional circuit,” fernando responded, his eyes focused on sergio. sergio felt his knees weaken considerably, and privately thanked god he was sitting down.
“it’s a stupid thought, nando. i guess i’m happy where i am. besides, if i hadn’t have been there, i wouldn’t have fallen asleep over my desk and would’ve walked oddee the night before…and we wouldn’t have met each other! so it’s good i’m where i am, ey?” he joked, nudging fernando gently, and watching the older man blush.
~
“so, are we ever going to meet the new love of your life?” xavi drawled one afternoon as he hunched over the photocopier, his presentation copying. sergio rolled his eyes.
“he’s not the love of my life, for starters. he’s a good friend. and you’ll meet him when you stop being such a bastard and i can trust you not to do something stupid,” sergio replied, and xavi rolled his eyes.
“what, you think i’m going to make fun of him or freak out at him because he can’t see? jesus sergio, how long have we known each other?” andrés flounced in, íker following him.
“andrés informs me you’re still wining and dining the blind guy,” íker said, picking up a page of the presentation from the photocopy tray and inspecting it, his eyes occasionally flicking over to gauge sergio’s reaction.
“i am not wining and dining, for fuck’s sake! we’re just friends. why is that so hard for you to understand?!” he snapped, banging a fist down on the table. xavi blinked and andrés rolled his eyes.
“because you don’t do shit like that, sergio.” he said.
“i’ve fucked around because there’s been nobody worth to commit to, and i’m not saying fernando is anything in that sort of area, but…why do i even bother? you three have got this idea in your head and you’re not going to let it go. fuck you all,” he snapped, storming out of the room.
“he must really like this kid. how horrible- trying to hit on a blind guy. what’s he gonna know? and how’s he gonna give you any sort of sexual favour if he can’t see what he’s doing?” xavi said, íker whacking him on the head.
“he still has hands, asshole.”
~
later that evening, sergio knocked on fernando’s door, waiting for the sound of caesar’s barking and fernando’s berating of his beloved dog. nothing. he knocked again, worry beginning to set in. he opened the door slowly, calling out as he went.
“nando? it’s sergio. anyone home?” he called, met with silence.
“fuck,” he whispered, closing the door and walking in, peering around the corner and into the lounge room. plates were on the coffee table, half eaten food pushed away, a glass knocked over onto the floor. sergio felt the cold worm of fear began to eat its way through his stomach, and he turned around, ready to run, when the sound of sobbing greeted his ears. he followed it to fernando’s bedroom, and opened the door. inside, fernando was curled up on his bed, hugging his pillow to him, crying hopelessly.
“oh no…” sergio said softly, fernando’s crying stopping long enough to raise his head.
“xabi?” he sniffled.
“no, it’s sergio. i knocked but nobody answered, and your door was open, so i got worried. i can go if you’re…having a moment or something,” he said, inwardly cringing.
fernando stopped and shook his head, lowering it back down on his bed and curling up further. sergio closed the door and made his way over, sitting on the edge of the bed. “what happened?” he asked, and fernando’s tears started up again.
“caesar,” was all fernando could manage to say through his tears. the fear returned to sergio, and he placed a hand on fernando’s shoulder.
“i was g-going to take him for a w-walk…b-but the stupid dog w-wouldn’t wait, and i opened the d-door by accident…he raced out and i c-couldn’t see and i can n-never fucking see and he…a car…oh god,” fernando’s body shook.
“i’m so sorry, nando,” he whispered, his voice breaking. fernando reached out and wrapped his arms around sergio’s neck, burying his face into it.
“i’m so alone, sergio. my d-dog is dead and my mother k-keeps calling to make sure i haven’t killed myself and it’s the anniversary today…i’ve been blind for five whole fucking years, sergio, five! what’s the point in living? i’m never going to see again and i couldn’t even keep my fucking dog from getting hit by a fucking car!” he wailed, pulling away from sergio and sitting up, wiping his face with his shirt.
sergio bit his lip. “there’s a lot to live for, nando. and you’re not alone. you have lots of friends, and i’m sure your mother is just worried about you. i’m perfectly fine and mine calls regularly to make sure i’m not dead or overdosing on drugs or whatever else she can think of,” he began, but fernando shook his head.
“i’m alone, sergio. i haven’t had anyone since i was twenty. i’m a burden on the others and i hate it, i hate being like this! it’s all my fucking fault, did you know that? it’s my own fucking stupidity that i’m like this! i was so fucking vain and i got peroxide in my eyes when i was eighteen. just thought ‘oh well, i’ll be fine’ when the chemicals were burning at my fucking corneas. had i just fucking waited for álvaro or got my mother to do it, or just been happy with being brunet! goddamnit,” fernando gasped, his fingers digging into his knees. sergio felt utterly helpless as he listened to the tirade coming from the older man.
“fernando, please listen to me. you really aren’t alone, and you’re not a burden. you’re an amazing person, and you’ve made the best from what you’ve been put in. we’re all stupid and make mistakes when we’re younger. so yours was a little more serious than mine were, so what? when you get your surgery, you’ll know what the darkness we can only fear of was like. you lived through it- you survived in it. caesar would’ve probably been hit by the car, whether you were blind or not. you can’t blame yourself for things that would happen regardless. you are an amazing person, and you have so much to live for.” sergio begged, waiting with baited breath as he studied fernando’s face.
“it just gets so hard sometimes, sergio. so fucking hard,” he replied in a small voice, sniffling. sergio let out a sigh of relief, nodding.
“i can’t even begin to imagine how hard, nando. you just need to know that we’re here because we l…love you.” sergio said, his voice catching slightly on the word. fernando froze for a split second, a strange look washing over his face, but he nodded again and offered up a watery smile.
“thank you, sergio.” he said softly, sitting up and letting his hands find sergio, hugging him tightly. sergio tried his best not to inhale, but failed. fernando’s scent was unbelievably amazing, and he felt light-headed after a split second. he managed to smell even better than he had when sergio met him, and it was becoming hard to avoid the troublesome feelings that had pulled at his insides ever since. he pulled away, fernando’s hands on his arms, sniffling as he looked down.
“where are the others?” he asked, and fernando shrugged.
“off making plans to get me a new dog and organizing…the funeral. i fucking hate labradors.” he said, almost pouting. sergio smiled.
“c’mon, let’s go have some cake and some champagne in caesar’s memory. i can’t imagine he’d want us moping about.” he said, patting fernando on the arm and standing up.
“he probably would, y’know. he was a sadistic dog,” fernando retorted, taking sergio’s hand and pulling himself up.
“really, sergio. thank you. i probably would’ve tried to do something stupid if you hadn’t have come over,” he said, his eyes darting all over what he assumed was sergio’s body. sergio smiled.
“i’m just glad i got here in time,” he replied, and led fernando out the room.
~
later that evening, fernando had fallen asleep on the couch next to sergio, his head lolling over onto sergio’s shoulder. pepe was yawning and xabi kept looking at his watch as a classic game between liverpool and newcastle united played on the television.
“all right, let’s put fernando to bed and get going. you’ve got work tomorrow, don’t you?” pepe said to sergio, who nodded and sent a look at fernando.
“he’ll be fine. it’s best if we just keep up with the routine, don’t get him completely unsettled,” xabi said. sergio nodded, and slipped his hands under fernando’s back and legs, picking him up and taking him to his bedroom.
“god, he didn’t look very heavy,” sergio huffed as he slipped the older man into bed, xabi taking over and pulling off his shoes and undoing his belt.
“you should see how much he puts away each meal. it’s beyond me how he keeps all the weight off, considering he hardly ever goes out.” xabi said.
“why doesn’t he go out?” sergio asked. xabi shrugged.
“he’s very pissed off at himself for being blind, and he doesn’t like being outside. people stare, he thinks. he’s only temporarily blind, but the temporary has stretched longer and…i don’t know, maybe he got tired of saying temporary and acceptance started to seep into his mentality? he likes you a lot, y’know. he never touches anyone else but you,” xabi said.
sergio blanched, and pepe called for him.
“say bye to him for me,” was all he managed to force out before stumbling from the room and down to pepe’s car. he lay in bed that night, xabi’s words reverberating around his head, the past four months spinning around, every touch and every laugh playing across his mind. it was driving him insane.
~
álvaro got fernando a labrador, which landed him in deep water, and sergio laughed as he watched fernando berate álvaro on the key differences between labradors and every other dog ever to walk the planet.
“why do you hate them so much, nando?” sergio asked, stretching his legs.
“labradors are the typical blind man’s dog. i am not a typical blind man, therefore why should i bow to the stereotype? next you’ll be suggesting i get one of those fucking annoying tapping sticks and become ray charles!” álvaro rolled his eyes.
“god, you’re such a pedantic bitch sometimes. i’m sorry but that’s all they had on such short notice. you have to go pick another bulldog later in the week, but for now you’re stuck with this one. her name is silva and she’s five years old, and i made sure she was black because you have a thing against blondes. that i don’t understand, considering the fact you’re blonde…” álvaro said.
fernando waved a hand and felt around for the chair, almost sitting on sergio in the proceedings. sergio giggled and fernando frowned, and silva barked happily.
*
another month passed, and fernando begrudgingly accepted silva as his new dog. he’d pray for caesar’s spirit daily, and seemed more subdued than usual when they met up for coffee, but besides that he was still the same person sergio had gotten to know. he had also seemed more nervous around sergio, jumpy when he touched him and reluctant. sergio wondered if fernando equated caesar and him too much, and if he was really hurting fernando to be around him. after spending a week tossing and turning over the idea, he finally cancelled on a coffee date.
“uh, i don’t think i’m going to be able to make it this week nando. i’m really busy with work and I’m going to have to stay back late,” he called up from work one day, lying through his teeth.
“oh, okay. uhh, i guess i’ll see you next week, then.” fernando said, his voice flat. sergio nodded, smacking his palm against his forehead.
“sure. see you then,” he said, hanging up and swearing loudly.
“you, busy with work? what work? you delegate it all to that hot brunette with the legs up to here,” xavi said, leaning against the doorway.
“i think i remind fernando too much of his dead dog. he’s been acting really distant lately. maybe we just need some time apart,” sergio said, shrugging. xavi rolled his eyes and whirled around to his office.
~
later that night, sergio was lying in front of his tv, aimlessly flicking, when his phone went off. he let it ring a few times and picked it up.
“hello?” he said, stifling a yawn.
“i’ve known you for almost six months, and you’ve never cancelled on fernando, especially not using such a shit excuse as work! so what’s the deal, huh? you sick of him?” pepe demanded down the line. sergio almost groaned. pepe was the last thing he needed right now.
“of course i’m not fucking sick of him. i do have a lot of work and besides, i was getting vibes that he was sick of me. i remind him too much of caesar.” he said. there was a pause down the line.
“my god, you really are as stupid as i thought you were. fernando’s getting over the stupid dog, and you’re really helping! as for him being sick of you, it’s pretty much the opposite. he can’t get enough of you! if he had his way, he’d see you all day, every day- pun unintended. you should’ve seen the look on his face when he told us you wouldn’t be having coffee him this week. he lives for those days! you’re like his fucking knight in shining armour or something.” pepe spat. this time, sergio did groan.
“anyway, this is partly a ‘wake the fuck up’ call, but he’s decided to come over to your place and uhh…i don’t know. have an intervention before everything goes to the shit. so just warning you- irate blind man at your place in the next fifty seconds.” pepe said. sergio bolted upright.
“what?!” he gasped, met with a dial tone.
“shit, shit, shit!” he swore, racing around to his briefcase and grabbing stacks of paperwork out, shoving them onto his table and opening his laptop and turning it on.
“…what the fuck am i doing? he can’t fucking see!” he said, standing up and sighing. as if he was waiting on cue, a knock sounded on the door. sergio pulled at his shirt and tucked his hair behind his ears, all of a sudden completely and utterly nervous. fernando hadn’t ever been to his apartment before; it had always been at his place.
“fuck, i have to touch him…fuck, fuck, fuck!” he whispered, biting his lip and opening the door. true to pepe’s word, fernando was standing there, sunglasses pushed up on his forehead, in his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt, but with a khaki coloured jacket on and a black scarf finishing the look.
“i got pepe to bring me here- he remembered your address from when he dropped you home a few months ago. i hope you don’t mind, i just…i really wanted to see you, sergio.” he said. sergio blinked.
“i’m not sure how i’m supposed to respond to that,” he said, smiling and taking fernando’s hand, helping him inside.
he reached past fernando and closed the door, and fernando’s hands raised and began to trace the contours of sergio’s face.
“i’m sick and tired of not seeing you, sergio. i’ve wanted to find out who you are for so long. i’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he said, his breathing laboured as his fingers travelled over his cheeks and nose, eyelashes pressing against fingertips.
“come on, sit down,” sergio said, taking fernando’s hand, now tangled in his hair, and leading him into the living room. fernando stopped, and sergio turned around, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at the young man across from him. his eyes were darting around, and his mouth kept twitching as if he was trying to say something and didn’t know how.
“fernando, what’s wrong?” sergio asked, running a hand through his hair, nervous beyond belief. fernando stopped, and looked down at the floor.
“pepe said you thought i was sick of you. is that true?” he said. sergio sighed, but nodded.
“yeah, it’s true. i just wanted you to be happy,” he started, but fernando shook his head.
“not seeing you made me so unhappy. the thought of not seeing you. i don’t want to go back to life before you, sergio. never.” he said.
sergio blinked. “what…what’re you saying?” was all he could ask. fernando laughed helplessly, running his fingers through his hair.
“i’m saying…i’m saying i want to kiss you, sergio. i want to kiss you but i don’t…i don’t know where you are.” he finally said, his breath shuddering. sergio’s jaw dropped, and fernando’s head dropped.
“i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean for it to go like this. and i understand if you don’t feel like that for me- i mean, god knows i look like a mess and i’m fucking blind, why would you even begin to want to take on something like that, right? i made a huge mistake coming here, i’m sorry. it seemed like such a good idea at the time,” he started, his fingers outstretched to his side, trying to find a way out. sergio shook his head and rushed forwards, taking his fingers and kissing them.
“i’m here,” he said softly, closing the distance. fernando’s arms wrapped around him tightly, holding onto him for dear life.
“you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” sergio admitted when they pulled apart. fernando laughed and kissed him again and again, his fingers tangling back in sergio’s hair.
*
six months later.
“you ready?” sergio whispered. fernando nodded, biting his lip. sergio reached up and began to unbandage his eyes, slowly removing the gauze wrapped around his head. just over a month after they had gotten together, the hospital called and told him a donor had come out that matched his eye type. he was going to be receiving the keratoplasty. fernando had began to cry and sergio had to take the phone off him to get the details. after the initial check up, the doctors told him the procedure would be more complicated than usual, as he’d had such massive scarring from the peroxide and it had been allowed to degenerate for so long.
“that’s the medical system for you,” was all fernando had said in reply to the ophthalmologist, dr. gutiérrez.
the initial two operations had cleaned up his eyes and tried to fix the damage caused by time and chemicals, the last saved for the cornea transplant. fernando hadn’t taken the gauze off, and dr. gutiérrez had said for today to be the day. the final layer of gauze came off, and fernando’s eyes were squeezed shut.
“c’mon, open them.” sergio coaxed.
“i’m so scared. what if it didn’t work?” he whispered. sergio rolled his eyes.
“you got bits of your vision back from the first two. it’ll probably be really blurry for the first few days, but it’s worked. dr. gutiérrez said it had.” sergio reassured, holding his hand. fernando took a few breaths, and his eyes opened slowly. blinking a few times, sergio watched for his reaction. he watched as fernando blinked some more, and then as his eyes slowly began to rise, looking straight into sergio’s as they reached his face.
“i can see you.”
~~~FIN.
characters: fernando torres/sergio ramos, xavi hernández, jose “pepe” reina, álvaro arbeloa, xabi alonso, andrés iniesta, íker casillas, cesc fàbregas
prompt: from lalawrites: Fernando and Sergio run into each other at the park, walking their dogs. (yay, doggies!) Sergio doesn't notice at first, but very quickly learns Fernando is blind. (Fernando is blind both physically and mentally in some way [you choose: about himself, about love, etc.].) Sergio teaches Fernando to "see".
word count: 7,126
rating: m; swearing, adult themes.
disclaimer: keratoplasty is a real operation regarding cornea transplants and sergio does own an rat of a dog called oddee that his older brother réne got for him, but last time i checked, fernando torres had 20/20 vision (and doesn’t own a pair of ray bans), and sergio didn’t work in marketing. it’s all lies, people.
author’s notes: first off, huge thanks to greeniebach, rhetoricwords and crusader_charly for the betas. thanks to everyone who left me prompts, and i shall do a few during my semester break. all comments appreciated. i'm not 100% sure whether someone in fernando's position could actually qualify for a keratoplasty, but in this fic, he can. :P and if you’re going to give concrit, keep it constructive.
there are moments in people’s lives when things change. someone dies, someone is born. an argument occurs or is mended. events in the world or events in our house. every decision we make affects us. a simple walk in the park can end up in a life changing surgery and the chance to see those who love us.
*
it had rained the night before, and sergio had fallen asleep at his desk, drooling all over his reports. he was awoken with a start as oddee began yelping and scratching at the door, one only mission in mind: the outside world and all its wonders. sergio groaned, his neck and back aching from having been hunched over all night.
“alright, alright,” he muttered, standing up slowly and stretching himself. yawning, he changed shirts and clipped oddee’s leash to him, stumbling out his apartment and down the stairs. it was barely seven am and sergio was amazed to see how busy madrid was. he stopped for a coffee and let oddee amble into the local park, sniffing viciously at whatever he could find.
“c’mon dog, hurry up. i’ve got to get back and shower before work,” sergio said, taking another sip of his coffee.
oddee barked and pulled forward, sniffing at a bulldog held back by a striking young man, his blonde hair shining in the morning sunlight. “hola!” sergio chirped, and the young man inclined his head.
“hola,” he said, his voice soft.
at closer range, sergio could see spattering of freckles all over his face, his eyes hidden behind dark ray bans, a black hooded sweatshirt, jeans and converse finishing off his slightly punk look.
“my name’s sergio,” sergio continued, offering out his hand. the young man kept staring at his dog.
“my name’s fernando. sorry if you have your hand offered, i can’t see it. i’m blind,” he said, in a matter-of-fact tone. sergio flushed a deep red, and stuck his hand in his pocket.
“oh, uh…sorry. i-i didn’t know…” sergio began to stammer, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when nervous. the boy shrugged.
“no biggie. usually the guide dog gives it away, but i don’t like labradors. i picked out caesar and they trained him for me. he usually doesn’t like other dogs, but yours must be quite attractive.” fernando said, a hint of laughter in his voice.
sergio laughed for him. “oddee’s a rat of a dog. my brother réne got him for me, and i didn’t want to offend him so…yeah. he broke his hip a month or so back, and this is the first time he’s been out.” sergio explained, and fernando nodded.
“i don’t usually do this with people i meet in the park, but…would you like to go for a coffee or something? caesar doesn’t usually like anyone, but my closest friends have come from people i’ve met and he’s liked.” fernando asked, his cheeks flushing as he looked in sergio’s general direction.
sergio smiled. “i’ve got to go to work this morning, but i’d love to. when else are you free?” fernando shrugged.
“i have all the time in the world.”
*
“what’re you smiling about?” andrés groused as sergio sauntered into the office, a huge smile across his face.
“oh, nothing. just met someone this morning and am meeting them for coffee after work,” he said, patting the secretary on the head as he picked up his mail.
“oh, really? and does this someone fit your usual m.o.? tall, blonde and over six inches?” andrés called after him as he walked to his office.
“what’s andrés yelling about?” xavi asked, poking his head out his office.
sergio shrugged. “jealous i met someone, i suppose.” xavi raised an eyebrow.
“you met someone? as in someone you’re planning on fucking tonight? or someone that you’re going to attempt to be friends with?”
sergio shrugged again, his smile blossoming. “this isn’t your usual person, xavi. he’s blind.”
xavi’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “he’s blind?! wow. you’ll do just about anyone, won’t you sergio?” sergio glared, and kept walking.
“he seemed like a nice guy and we’re going out for coffee. who says i’m going to fuck him?” xavi’s laughter followed him down the corridor.
by his lunchbreak, the news of sergio courting a blind man had spread across the office like wildfire. íker, michel and raúl had all been in, asking what the hell he thought he was doing hitting on a disabled person, and exasperation was beginning to set in.
“we’re just having coffee! there is no ‘hitting on’ going on!” sergio exclaimed as cesc walked past, a grin on his face.
~
across town, fernando was experiencing a similar situation. álvaro, xabi and pepe were seated in his lounge room, watching with amused expressions on their faces as fernando’s cheeks began to heat up at their questions.
“it’s just coffee!” he kept repeating. pepe rolled his eyes.
“nando, you never do ‘just coffee’ with anyone. you either get put off him from the beginning with something stupid he says, or you pick him apart until he can’t stand you anymore and leaves,” pepe replied.
“or caesar tries to take a chunk out of them!” álvaro chimed in. fernando glared at them.
“it’s not going to be like that, and i don’t pick anyone apart- you’re all mad.” he sniffed, crossing his arms.
*
at exactly four, sergio walked into café de roja, nervously looking around for fernando. he spotted him almost immediately, sitting at a window seat, the sunlight streaming through and hitting him. his hair was almost white in the afternoon rays, and he looked content as he talked to a waitress. sergio walked over, stopping in front of the chair.
“hi, fernando.” he said shyly, watching as fernando’s cheeks stain pink as he said hello in return.
“what’re you after, love?” the waitress asked.
“uhh, a moccachino please. fernando?” sergio asked. fernando smiled.
“i’ll have the same, thanks.” the girl smiled and whirled off to the counter, and sergio sat down.
“no caesar?” he asked, looking under the table. fernando laughed.
“no, not now. my friends are off seeing some movie, so they’ll be back when it’s finished. i hope you don’t mind?” he asked. sergio shook his head, and mentally berated himself.
“no, no, that’s fine. i like meeting new people,” he said. fernando’s mouth finally twisted into a smile, and sergio smiled back.
the coffee arrived, and fernando thanked the waitress politely as she set it down in front of him.
“can i get a straw, please?” he asked. she nodded, and grabbed one off the counter, holding it out to him. fernando stirred sugar into his drink, and the girl raised an eyebrow. taking the straw off her, sergio thanked her and she blinked.
“uh, no problem.” she said, and walked off. faced with a dilemma, he wondered how he’d give the straw to fernando without embarrassing him or embarrassing himself.
“i have your straw…” he finally said, and fernando flushed.
“oh, thanks. uhm…” he started, as sergio leant over and placed the straw between his fingers, feeling the smooth skin of his hands. fernando’s fingers enclosed slowly around it and he thanked him softly, placing it in the warm drink and blowing down it. sergio smiled again, and relaxed.
the next hour passed far too quickly for sergio’s liking, three young men walking in soon after five and making a beeline for fernando’s table.
“ah, so you must be sergio. fernando told us all about your meeting in the park this morning. caesar never likes anyone- you must be special. i’m pepe,” said the bald one, a cheeky grin on his face. sergio flushed, and shook his head.
“nice to meet you,” he replied, looking at the other two.
“i’m xabi,” said the one to pepe’s left, with soft brown hair and a chiselled jaw.
“and i’m álvaro. i used to go to school with nando,” explained the one to pepe’s right, with black hair and an equally as cheeky grin as on pepe’s face. sergio smiled, and shook their hands.
“well, i’d better be going…” sergio started, but pepe cut in.
“oh, no way! come back to fernando’s. i’m cooking a huge dinner for his birthday, and i’m sure he’d love it if you came.” he said, clapping a hand on sergio’s shoulder.
“it’s your birthday?” he asked, incredulous. fernando had turned bright pink and was staring very hard at the table.
“he turned 23 today. we were all sure he’d wish for a boyfriend, and then you appear! what good luck.” pepe said, laughing. sergio blushed and fernando growled, frowning in their direction, crossing his arms.
“oh, don’t be such a baby. c’mon, let’s go!” pepe said, taking his arm and leading him outside.
“don’t mind pepe. he’s one of the few people that makes fernando laugh when he gets into one of his moods,” xabi whispered as they followed them out.
“moods?” sergio asked, and álvaro nodded.
“he gets really depressed from time to time, misses being able to see. he hasn’t always been blind, y’know. i’m guessing he hasn’t told you the story yet?” he said. xabi glared at álvaro, but sergio shook his head.
“when we were 18, fernando was bleaching his hair. being the idiot he is, he was attempting to do it himself and he got peroxide in his eyes and didn’t wash it out quick enough and his corneas were scarred. he’s on the waiting list for a keratoplasty, corneal transplants, and has been since it happened, but y’know- the spanish medical system isn’t something you’d write home about.” álvaro said.
sergio was at a loss for words. “yeah, it’s pretty fucked up. he constantly blames himself, which is perfectly acceptable, but if we don’t watch him…he tries stupid stuff. he’s got a lot of friends, but he trusts us the most. he gets reclusive a lot of the time, so it was a huge surprise when we heard he’d been out walking caesar.” álvaro continued, xabi silent next to him.
they stopped at a red light, and pepe called for sergio. “if he tries something stupid, i’m going to punch him in the head,” xabi said, as they joined pepe and fernando.
“here, my arm’s hurting. you take him for a while.” he said, offering fernando’s hand to him.
fernando’s jaw dropped, and sergio blushed. “uhh…” he started, but the green light went and pepe shoved him forward.
“pepe, you really are a bitch,” álvaro laughed as sergio took his hand and began to lead him forward.
“i’m really, really sorry about this…” fernando began to apologize, his jaw twitching.
“no, it’s fine. really. if i didn’t want to be here, i would’ve told you i needed to wash my hair or something,” sergio laughed, and fernando shook his head.
“honestly, it is. you’re an interesting guy and i like being here.” sergio said as they stopped at the other side and waited for pepe and the others to overtake them and lead them home.
sergio watched the sunlight in the distance, catching himself before he asked fernando what he thought of it. some young children came rushing over the intersection, jostling fernando and sending him flying into sergio’s chest.
“shit,” fernando gasped, sergio’s arms snapping around him to steady him.
“i’m so sorry,” he said, but sergio shook his head.
“it’s fine,” he said, dazed at being this close to fernando. he smelled absolutely divine, and sergio’s eyes were going wild at the sight of fernando so close to him. fernando smiled and looked down, and sergio let go, pepe and álvaro sniggering as they walked past, xabi sighing exasperatedly.
“c’mon,” sergio said, taking his hand again and leading fernando on.
after recovering from the flustered encounter, they slipped into easy conversation, sergio describing the surroundings to fernando as they walked.
“oh my god fernando, you’re so lucky you can’t see this guy. he’s got a pair of purple snakeskin leather pants on! purple snakeskin!” sergio gasped, trying his best not to giggle as the unfortunate man passed them by. fernando’s mouth had stretched into a grin, and his fingers were clutching tightly at sergio’s.
“and there’s a pair of lovers kissing at the fountain. i think she might be pregnant. it’s a beautiful thing,” sergio continued, his voice falling to a whisper, it brushing the blonde curls next to fernando’s ear.
“and there’s a vendor giving a bread roll to a little boy. i think he might be homeless, he looks a bit ragged.” they reached fernando’s apartment shortly after, pepe plucking the keys from fernando’s outstretched hands and opening the door. caesar’s barks followed the older man into the apartment, and fernando hung back shyly, waiting for sergio to go in.
“i think the place might be a bit of a mess, the cleaner’s on holiday…” he started, but sergio merely smiled.
“i’m sure it can’t be as bad as my place,” he said, stepping over caesar and inspecting the apartment.
it was simple, airy and filled with sunlight. there was a long hallway with two doors on the left, and picture frames up on the walls of fernando during various stages in his life, with various people. there was a huge open area, with a glass dinner table and four chairs off to the left, and on the right was a kitchen and a lounge room off to the left of that. there were two guitars and a keyboard lying on the floor, and a pair of bongo drums he had a feeling belonged to pepe, along with a large stereo and a huge bookcase, stacked with cds, books and movies to accompany the large tv. “like it?” fernando asked nervously from behind him. he smiled.
“of course. very tasteful and very…you. from what i can see, anyway. you seem like a very cool guy.” sergio said, laughing. álvaro’s head popped out from around the corner to the kitchen.
“get nando to give you a tour,” he said, winking and disappearing again.
fernando sighed, but beckoned for sergio to follow him. he opened the first door in the hallway, which revealed a bedroom. “this is my room,” he said simply. sergio stuck his head in, and looked around. there was a large queen sized bed in the middle of the room, and huge bay windows to the side, framed with white curtains. a large stereo stood next to the bed, and a desk with papers and various books was against the wall, and a large wardrobe on the left finished the room.
“i kind of pretty much just live in jeans and whatever t-shirt i pick up in the morning. that way i have no chance of a fashion faux pas, as pepe calls them.” fernando said, standing against the other wall, his hands behind his back. sergio laughed, and fernando’s smile appeared again. they made their way slowly around the apartment, fernando stopping to explain various things about his place, until xabi finally appeared, rubbing his hands.
“everything’s finished. has fernando shown you around?” xabi asked, watching sergio intently. he nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets.
“fernando has a really nice place. much better than mine,” he said, and xabi grinned.
“álvaro and another of my friends, dani, share the place with me. their rooms are off down the other end of the apartment.” fernando explained.
xabi led them to the table, another chair appearing out of nowhere for sergio, who was promptly placed right next to fernando, pepe on the other side. as pepe served out the lunch and álvaro chatted about the movie, sergio’s eyes trailed around the room until they landed on fernando.
he seemed calm and happy, but there was an air to him that suggested otherwise. his shoulders would begin to sag, and then he’d seem to catch himself and straighten up, as if he were putting on a face for the world. sergio found himself hoping he’d be around long enough to learn about this other fernando.
“so, a toast! happy birthday, fernando. you’ve aged beautifully!” pepe said, raising his wine glass. fernando smiled and raised his own, pulling it back down quickly and draining it.
~
“oh god, i’m stuffed,” sergio groaned, patting his swollen stomach. pepe nodded, and xabi moved around, álvaro moaning loudly and undoing his jeans.
fernando had pushed his ray bans up onto his head, his blonde hair falling around the lenses, the comparison between the two stark. sergio had snuck looks at him when he thought the others weren’t looking, trying to see his eyes. they looked like normal brown eyes as far as he could see, but they had a thick haze covering them.
pepe got up and xabi stood too, taking sergio’s plate from him. “i’ll do it-” he started, but xabi batted at his hand.
“don’t be ridiculous. fernando’s got a dishwasher and you’re a guest. just sit and relax while pepe gets the cake.” he said.
“oh no, you didn’t!” fernando moaned, rubbing his face. álvaro laughed, and wrapped his arms around fernando’s neck, pressing a kiss into his hair.
“of course we did! it’s your birthday, stupid. you can’t have a birthday without cake. we already did presents this morning. oh man, you should see what i got him. they released the da vinci code in braille, so once he hurries up and reads it, we can finally talk about it!” álvaro said, massaging fernando’s shoulders.
sergio laughed, and looked over as pepe bought a cheesecake in. “aha! your favourite cheesecake, nando!” xabi announced, lighting the candles as pepe set it down in front of him.
a round of “happy birthday” and some very good candle blowing later, caesar appeared from the kitchen. he waddled in and walked under the table, and sergio gasped. fernando’s face snapped to him, and his fingers reached out for sergio’s arm.
“what’s wrong?” he asked.
“oh, sorry! caesar just…did something to my leg. i don’t even know what he’s doing.” sergio said, looking under the table.
pepe, xabi and álvaro followed, their eyes wide. caesar was rubbing against sergio’s leg, squashing his fat body in between his feet and settling down.
“holy shit nando,” pepe murmured, looking up and at sergio.
“w-what? what’s he doing? tell me!” fernando exclaimed.
“he just…i don’t know, he just nuzzled sergio’s legs and is sitting in between his feet. hot damn, boy! what are you, some sort of dog whisperer?” álvaro said.
sergio blinked. “caesar really hates other people that much?” sergio asked, looking down at the dog. pepe nodded.
“he let me be near fernando, but he almost took my face off the first time i tried to touch him,” he said. sergio laughed nervously, the air broken by his phone ringing.
“excuse me,” he said, getting up and flipping it open.
“hello?” he asked, rolling his eyes to hear xavi and andrés laughing in the background.
“fucked him yet?” they chorused, and sergio sighed, kneading his temples.
“i have no plans for that. we’re eating cake and i’m getting humped by his dog. i found out it’s his birthday,” sergio whispered as he shut the front door.
“oooh, pressure. what’re you gonna do, casanova?” xavi yelled.
“nothing, you moron. i’ve only just met the guy…and you have a filthy mind!” he hissed, looking up and watching as the sun began to set in the distance.
“well, don’t forget that you’re coming out with us tonight. we’ll come pick you up, shall we?” andrés asked, scuffling with xavi on the other end.
“er, sure. i don’t actually know where i am, though.” andrés began to laugh, and sergio growled.
“oh my god, you really are a prize catch, ramos. thankfully for you, your phone has gps and we’re linked to it. looks like you’re in a pretty posh part of town.” sergio raised an eyebrow.
“really? there’s just a lot of apartments…i can’t see any mansions or anything anywhere,” he said. xavi coughed, and andrés continued.
“whatever. we’re already on the road, so we’ll be there in ten minutes. be waiting downstairs otherwise we’re leaving you stranded there!” he said, xavi laughing and hanging up.
sergio sighed and opened the door, pepe and álvaro almost falling on top of him.
“i told them not to eavesdrop but nobody listens to me,” fernando called from behind them, and sergio smiled as pepe and álvaro smiled sheepishly.
“that was just my friends. they’re coming around to pick me up…” sergio explained, squeezing past the two and walking into the kitchen.
“oh, okay.” fernando said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. sergio felt his stomach twist at the sound, and he flipped open his phone again, scanning through his planner.
“i’m free on friday afternoon, if you want to have coffee again?” he said. xabi beamed at him, and pepe nudged fernando, ducking a well-aimed blow from the latter.
“that sounds excellent,” he said, smiling up at sergio.
“great,” sergio replied, unable to stop smiling himself.
*
and so began a routine between them. twice a week they’d meet up for coffee, and it kept up for the next four months. fernando began to relax around sergio, and sergio began to see glimpses of this other persona, the one that weighed down his shoulders and his smile. as a result of spending extended periods of time around fernando, sergio found his personality changing, adapting, and becoming more aware. he began to donate money to blind charities and sponsored guide dogs. all he wanted to do was spend time with fernando, desperate to learn more about this enigma of a man he had stumbled across ridiculously early one morning. he also found himself learning a lot about his own personality and ideals through fernando, and what he saw.
“your friends treat you as if you’re this walking whore, but i don’t see that. your voice is too kind for you to be that fucked over by life,” fernando announced one evening as sergio finished a conversation with xavi.
“i slept around a bit because i was looking for someone. i don’t exactly make the smartest life choices. i mean, i’m working at a multinational company as a marketing manager. i don’t even like marketing. i’d rather be…i don’t know, playing football all day or modelling or doing something interesting.” sergio sighed, playing with the salt shaker.
“why don’t you do it?” fernando asked. he was wearing a dark green shirt today, and it bought out the brown in his eyes. that is, when he removed his sunglasses and happened to look sergio’s way. sergio shrugged.
“i went to university because it was the right thing to do. i was good at football but school came first. that was the deal and here i am.” he said.
“you’re not too old to break into the professional circuit,” fernando responded, his eyes focused on sergio. sergio felt his knees weaken considerably, and privately thanked god he was sitting down.
“it’s a stupid thought, nando. i guess i’m happy where i am. besides, if i hadn’t have been there, i wouldn’t have fallen asleep over my desk and would’ve walked oddee the night before…and we wouldn’t have met each other! so it’s good i’m where i am, ey?” he joked, nudging fernando gently, and watching the older man blush.
~
“so, are we ever going to meet the new love of your life?” xavi drawled one afternoon as he hunched over the photocopier, his presentation copying. sergio rolled his eyes.
“he’s not the love of my life, for starters. he’s a good friend. and you’ll meet him when you stop being such a bastard and i can trust you not to do something stupid,” sergio replied, and xavi rolled his eyes.
“what, you think i’m going to make fun of him or freak out at him because he can’t see? jesus sergio, how long have we known each other?” andrés flounced in, íker following him.
“andrés informs me you’re still wining and dining the blind guy,” íker said, picking up a page of the presentation from the photocopy tray and inspecting it, his eyes occasionally flicking over to gauge sergio’s reaction.
“i am not wining and dining, for fuck’s sake! we’re just friends. why is that so hard for you to understand?!” he snapped, banging a fist down on the table. xavi blinked and andrés rolled his eyes.
“because you don’t do shit like that, sergio.” he said.
“i’ve fucked around because there’s been nobody worth to commit to, and i’m not saying fernando is anything in that sort of area, but…why do i even bother? you three have got this idea in your head and you’re not going to let it go. fuck you all,” he snapped, storming out of the room.
“he must really like this kid. how horrible- trying to hit on a blind guy. what’s he gonna know? and how’s he gonna give you any sort of sexual favour if he can’t see what he’s doing?” xavi said, íker whacking him on the head.
“he still has hands, asshole.”
~
later that evening, sergio knocked on fernando’s door, waiting for the sound of caesar’s barking and fernando’s berating of his beloved dog. nothing. he knocked again, worry beginning to set in. he opened the door slowly, calling out as he went.
“nando? it’s sergio. anyone home?” he called, met with silence.
“fuck,” he whispered, closing the door and walking in, peering around the corner and into the lounge room. plates were on the coffee table, half eaten food pushed away, a glass knocked over onto the floor. sergio felt the cold worm of fear began to eat its way through his stomach, and he turned around, ready to run, when the sound of sobbing greeted his ears. he followed it to fernando’s bedroom, and opened the door. inside, fernando was curled up on his bed, hugging his pillow to him, crying hopelessly.
“oh no…” sergio said softly, fernando’s crying stopping long enough to raise his head.
“xabi?” he sniffled.
“no, it’s sergio. i knocked but nobody answered, and your door was open, so i got worried. i can go if you’re…having a moment or something,” he said, inwardly cringing.
fernando stopped and shook his head, lowering it back down on his bed and curling up further. sergio closed the door and made his way over, sitting on the edge of the bed. “what happened?” he asked, and fernando’s tears started up again.
“caesar,” was all fernando could manage to say through his tears. the fear returned to sergio, and he placed a hand on fernando’s shoulder.
“i was g-going to take him for a w-walk…b-but the stupid dog w-wouldn’t wait, and i opened the d-door by accident…he raced out and i c-couldn’t see and i can n-never fucking see and he…a car…oh god,” fernando’s body shook.
“i’m so sorry, nando,” he whispered, his voice breaking. fernando reached out and wrapped his arms around sergio’s neck, burying his face into it.
“i’m so alone, sergio. my d-dog is dead and my mother k-keeps calling to make sure i haven’t killed myself and it’s the anniversary today…i’ve been blind for five whole fucking years, sergio, five! what’s the point in living? i’m never going to see again and i couldn’t even keep my fucking dog from getting hit by a fucking car!” he wailed, pulling away from sergio and sitting up, wiping his face with his shirt.
sergio bit his lip. “there’s a lot to live for, nando. and you’re not alone. you have lots of friends, and i’m sure your mother is just worried about you. i’m perfectly fine and mine calls regularly to make sure i’m not dead or overdosing on drugs or whatever else she can think of,” he began, but fernando shook his head.
“i’m alone, sergio. i haven’t had anyone since i was twenty. i’m a burden on the others and i hate it, i hate being like this! it’s all my fucking fault, did you know that? it’s my own fucking stupidity that i’m like this! i was so fucking vain and i got peroxide in my eyes when i was eighteen. just thought ‘oh well, i’ll be fine’ when the chemicals were burning at my fucking corneas. had i just fucking waited for álvaro or got my mother to do it, or just been happy with being brunet! goddamnit,” fernando gasped, his fingers digging into his knees. sergio felt utterly helpless as he listened to the tirade coming from the older man.
“fernando, please listen to me. you really aren’t alone, and you’re not a burden. you’re an amazing person, and you’ve made the best from what you’ve been put in. we’re all stupid and make mistakes when we’re younger. so yours was a little more serious than mine were, so what? when you get your surgery, you’ll know what the darkness we can only fear of was like. you lived through it- you survived in it. caesar would’ve probably been hit by the car, whether you were blind or not. you can’t blame yourself for things that would happen regardless. you are an amazing person, and you have so much to live for.” sergio begged, waiting with baited breath as he studied fernando’s face.
“it just gets so hard sometimes, sergio. so fucking hard,” he replied in a small voice, sniffling. sergio let out a sigh of relief, nodding.
“i can’t even begin to imagine how hard, nando. you just need to know that we’re here because we l…love you.” sergio said, his voice catching slightly on the word. fernando froze for a split second, a strange look washing over his face, but he nodded again and offered up a watery smile.
“thank you, sergio.” he said softly, sitting up and letting his hands find sergio, hugging him tightly. sergio tried his best not to inhale, but failed. fernando’s scent was unbelievably amazing, and he felt light-headed after a split second. he managed to smell even better than he had when sergio met him, and it was becoming hard to avoid the troublesome feelings that had pulled at his insides ever since. he pulled away, fernando’s hands on his arms, sniffling as he looked down.
“where are the others?” he asked, and fernando shrugged.
“off making plans to get me a new dog and organizing…the funeral. i fucking hate labradors.” he said, almost pouting. sergio smiled.
“c’mon, let’s go have some cake and some champagne in caesar’s memory. i can’t imagine he’d want us moping about.” he said, patting fernando on the arm and standing up.
“he probably would, y’know. he was a sadistic dog,” fernando retorted, taking sergio’s hand and pulling himself up.
“really, sergio. thank you. i probably would’ve tried to do something stupid if you hadn’t have come over,” he said, his eyes darting all over what he assumed was sergio’s body. sergio smiled.
“i’m just glad i got here in time,” he replied, and led fernando out the room.
~
later that evening, fernando had fallen asleep on the couch next to sergio, his head lolling over onto sergio’s shoulder. pepe was yawning and xabi kept looking at his watch as a classic game between liverpool and newcastle united played on the television.
“all right, let’s put fernando to bed and get going. you’ve got work tomorrow, don’t you?” pepe said to sergio, who nodded and sent a look at fernando.
“he’ll be fine. it’s best if we just keep up with the routine, don’t get him completely unsettled,” xabi said. sergio nodded, and slipped his hands under fernando’s back and legs, picking him up and taking him to his bedroom.
“god, he didn’t look very heavy,” sergio huffed as he slipped the older man into bed, xabi taking over and pulling off his shoes and undoing his belt.
“you should see how much he puts away each meal. it’s beyond me how he keeps all the weight off, considering he hardly ever goes out.” xabi said.
“why doesn’t he go out?” sergio asked. xabi shrugged.
“he’s very pissed off at himself for being blind, and he doesn’t like being outside. people stare, he thinks. he’s only temporarily blind, but the temporary has stretched longer and…i don’t know, maybe he got tired of saying temporary and acceptance started to seep into his mentality? he likes you a lot, y’know. he never touches anyone else but you,” xabi said.
sergio blanched, and pepe called for him.
“say bye to him for me,” was all he managed to force out before stumbling from the room and down to pepe’s car. he lay in bed that night, xabi’s words reverberating around his head, the past four months spinning around, every touch and every laugh playing across his mind. it was driving him insane.
~
álvaro got fernando a labrador, which landed him in deep water, and sergio laughed as he watched fernando berate álvaro on the key differences between labradors and every other dog ever to walk the planet.
“why do you hate them so much, nando?” sergio asked, stretching his legs.
“labradors are the typical blind man’s dog. i am not a typical blind man, therefore why should i bow to the stereotype? next you’ll be suggesting i get one of those fucking annoying tapping sticks and become ray charles!” álvaro rolled his eyes.
“god, you’re such a pedantic bitch sometimes. i’m sorry but that’s all they had on such short notice. you have to go pick another bulldog later in the week, but for now you’re stuck with this one. her name is silva and she’s five years old, and i made sure she was black because you have a thing against blondes. that i don’t understand, considering the fact you’re blonde…” álvaro said.
fernando waved a hand and felt around for the chair, almost sitting on sergio in the proceedings. sergio giggled and fernando frowned, and silva barked happily.
*
another month passed, and fernando begrudgingly accepted silva as his new dog. he’d pray for caesar’s spirit daily, and seemed more subdued than usual when they met up for coffee, but besides that he was still the same person sergio had gotten to know. he had also seemed more nervous around sergio, jumpy when he touched him and reluctant. sergio wondered if fernando equated caesar and him too much, and if he was really hurting fernando to be around him. after spending a week tossing and turning over the idea, he finally cancelled on a coffee date.
“uh, i don’t think i’m going to be able to make it this week nando. i’m really busy with work and I’m going to have to stay back late,” he called up from work one day, lying through his teeth.
“oh, okay. uhh, i guess i’ll see you next week, then.” fernando said, his voice flat. sergio nodded, smacking his palm against his forehead.
“sure. see you then,” he said, hanging up and swearing loudly.
“you, busy with work? what work? you delegate it all to that hot brunette with the legs up to here,” xavi said, leaning against the doorway.
“i think i remind fernando too much of his dead dog. he’s been acting really distant lately. maybe we just need some time apart,” sergio said, shrugging. xavi rolled his eyes and whirled around to his office.
~
later that night, sergio was lying in front of his tv, aimlessly flicking, when his phone went off. he let it ring a few times and picked it up.
“hello?” he said, stifling a yawn.
“i’ve known you for almost six months, and you’ve never cancelled on fernando, especially not using such a shit excuse as work! so what’s the deal, huh? you sick of him?” pepe demanded down the line. sergio almost groaned. pepe was the last thing he needed right now.
“of course i’m not fucking sick of him. i do have a lot of work and besides, i was getting vibes that he was sick of me. i remind him too much of caesar.” he said. there was a pause down the line.
“my god, you really are as stupid as i thought you were. fernando’s getting over the stupid dog, and you’re really helping! as for him being sick of you, it’s pretty much the opposite. he can’t get enough of you! if he had his way, he’d see you all day, every day- pun unintended. you should’ve seen the look on his face when he told us you wouldn’t be having coffee him this week. he lives for those days! you’re like his fucking knight in shining armour or something.” pepe spat. this time, sergio did groan.
“anyway, this is partly a ‘wake the fuck up’ call, but he’s decided to come over to your place and uhh…i don’t know. have an intervention before everything goes to the shit. so just warning you- irate blind man at your place in the next fifty seconds.” pepe said. sergio bolted upright.
“what?!” he gasped, met with a dial tone.
“shit, shit, shit!” he swore, racing around to his briefcase and grabbing stacks of paperwork out, shoving them onto his table and opening his laptop and turning it on.
“…what the fuck am i doing? he can’t fucking see!” he said, standing up and sighing. as if he was waiting on cue, a knock sounded on the door. sergio pulled at his shirt and tucked his hair behind his ears, all of a sudden completely and utterly nervous. fernando hadn’t ever been to his apartment before; it had always been at his place.
“fuck, i have to touch him…fuck, fuck, fuck!” he whispered, biting his lip and opening the door. true to pepe’s word, fernando was standing there, sunglasses pushed up on his forehead, in his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt, but with a khaki coloured jacket on and a black scarf finishing the look.
“i got pepe to bring me here- he remembered your address from when he dropped you home a few months ago. i hope you don’t mind, i just…i really wanted to see you, sergio.” he said. sergio blinked.
“i’m not sure how i’m supposed to respond to that,” he said, smiling and taking fernando’s hand, helping him inside.
he reached past fernando and closed the door, and fernando’s hands raised and began to trace the contours of sergio’s face.
“i’m sick and tired of not seeing you, sergio. i’ve wanted to find out who you are for so long. i’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he said, his breathing laboured as his fingers travelled over his cheeks and nose, eyelashes pressing against fingertips.
“come on, sit down,” sergio said, taking fernando’s hand, now tangled in his hair, and leading him into the living room. fernando stopped, and sergio turned around, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at the young man across from him. his eyes were darting around, and his mouth kept twitching as if he was trying to say something and didn’t know how.
“fernando, what’s wrong?” sergio asked, running a hand through his hair, nervous beyond belief. fernando stopped, and looked down at the floor.
“pepe said you thought i was sick of you. is that true?” he said. sergio sighed, but nodded.
“yeah, it’s true. i just wanted you to be happy,” he started, but fernando shook his head.
“not seeing you made me so unhappy. the thought of not seeing you. i don’t want to go back to life before you, sergio. never.” he said.
sergio blinked. “what…what’re you saying?” was all he could ask. fernando laughed helplessly, running his fingers through his hair.
“i’m saying…i’m saying i want to kiss you, sergio. i want to kiss you but i don’t…i don’t know where you are.” he finally said, his breath shuddering. sergio’s jaw dropped, and fernando’s head dropped.
“i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean for it to go like this. and i understand if you don’t feel like that for me- i mean, god knows i look like a mess and i’m fucking blind, why would you even begin to want to take on something like that, right? i made a huge mistake coming here, i’m sorry. it seemed like such a good idea at the time,” he started, his fingers outstretched to his side, trying to find a way out. sergio shook his head and rushed forwards, taking his fingers and kissing them.
“i’m here,” he said softly, closing the distance. fernando’s arms wrapped around him tightly, holding onto him for dear life.
“you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” sergio admitted when they pulled apart. fernando laughed and kissed him again and again, his fingers tangling back in sergio’s hair.
*
six months later.
“you ready?” sergio whispered. fernando nodded, biting his lip. sergio reached up and began to unbandage his eyes, slowly removing the gauze wrapped around his head. just over a month after they had gotten together, the hospital called and told him a donor had come out that matched his eye type. he was going to be receiving the keratoplasty. fernando had began to cry and sergio had to take the phone off him to get the details. after the initial check up, the doctors told him the procedure would be more complicated than usual, as he’d had such massive scarring from the peroxide and it had been allowed to degenerate for so long.
“that’s the medical system for you,” was all fernando had said in reply to the ophthalmologist, dr. gutiérrez.
the initial two operations had cleaned up his eyes and tried to fix the damage caused by time and chemicals, the last saved for the cornea transplant. fernando hadn’t taken the gauze off, and dr. gutiérrez had said for today to be the day. the final layer of gauze came off, and fernando’s eyes were squeezed shut.
“c’mon, open them.” sergio coaxed.
“i’m so scared. what if it didn’t work?” he whispered. sergio rolled his eyes.
“you got bits of your vision back from the first two. it’ll probably be really blurry for the first few days, but it’s worked. dr. gutiérrez said it had.” sergio reassured, holding his hand. fernando took a few breaths, and his eyes opened slowly. blinking a few times, sergio watched for his reaction. he watched as fernando blinked some more, and then as his eyes slowly began to rise, looking straight into sergio’s as they reached his face.
“i can see you.”
~~~FIN.