The House Is...
First of all i should've seen this coming and not have done that meme anyway :P. Second, i don't like explaining my fics, i think everyone should make their own idea on it, but i do love talking about my shit so... eh
In other words, since miserablefaith took the opportunity and i managed to confuse 30+ people... here's an attempt at explaining The House...
I don't remember how i got to writing it in the first place, i think it started as some sort of wingfic for mumblemutter back in the day the long Xmas exchange ficathon took place. Only typically for me it got lost on the way as i was trying to find a wingstory to write and started thinking about angels and winged creatures and whatifs.
First whatif was what if there's a place, like some sort of purgatory only not in the biblical sense where people go after they die. What if people who had no choice go there. And most of all what if there was a place people would go because surviving one can't accept their loss.
So enter Mikey who wakes up in this world and doesn't know where he is can't remember his existance and pretty much doesn't understand what the hell happens all the time. The story seen from the eyes of such a ghost. There's a hint, at the end, tho it is hinted at many times in the story that things aren't right, that something terrible happened before (in a before no one remember except Gerard) that there was an accident (the red and blue lights Mikey sees before he dies in a dream, the thing he has to remember, etc. ), a bus crash to be precise. The only person who never dies in the fic and is always, constantly alone is Gerard.
Well the fic is about acceptance and specifically not accepting, which is precisely what Gerard does after the accident. The world, with the house and the grass and the pond is a place outside reality where Gerard is constanly reviving his best friends and brothers, literaly. It is here that they are all trapped and live because Gerard wants them to. Of course things don't happen as planned since nobody really remembers anything from before, including their names, relationships and so on. They all start bonding, as we can see with Mikey and Bob, but it is... The only relationship that is the same as before the accident, regarding the feelings that are still there are with Gerard and Mikey and Gerard and Frank. Or rather on Gerard's part because Mikey doesn't remember being Gerard's brother nor does he understand the term brother at all. It is hinted that Frank has some sort of relationship with Gerard here too, but it is also hinted (very little) that Frank is somehow in love with Ray.
They all grow very connected to one another and yet distant. It's what Gerard means when he says it's not you. It's what drives Frank insane, it's what Gerard keepsw screaming over and over again, that Frank is not the same and they are not the same. The problem is that they can't really grow feelings except over time and Gerard is sick of time. They can't cry because they are not fully develloped because they're projections of what Gerard remembers them to be, and in the mean time they are their own persons. Mikey falls for Bob out of admiration and because Bob is different.
Bob leaves because he feels that something is wrong, that a lot is missing and because he needs to understand. It's something they all feel and they react differently to it. Ray hangs himself because Bob leaves. In fact Bob's leaving breaks the balance and they all spiral downwards from there. Frank drowns (it is not clear whether by accident or suicide, but it is hinted that Frank starts to remember things (the dreams are mostly memories) and can't really handle the situation with Gerard. It drives him insane. It's also possible that he understands the whole thing in the end and wants to escape.
It's hinted many times over that things are repetitive and that Gerard hates that. Everything happens over and over again as Gerard recreates them in his inabillity to accept their deaths. He brings them back over and over again only to see them die in front of him again and again and this time by their own hand. They want to rest and can't. They live in a simulacre world they don't understand and want to get out of when they do. The whole unnaturality of it all is omnipresent (there are no seasons, the field stretches on infinitely, everything is the same. They are unable to live or feel fully. they are connected but don't know by what. Even love is absent, relationships happening as simple need to have someone. The only one who feels, really feels fullscale is Gerard. and he suffers because he lost them, his whole life before that and everything, because he can't stop it or reverse it. It's just simulacre. That's why he kills Mikey in the end, because Mikey is not Mikey really and because he can make him again in another recreation. Because this Mikey does not conform to the one he knew in his real life. Because the others have already died and Gerard can't live without them, he needs to recreate them again.
There is no time, no day and night, only a long long time. Mikey leaves after Bob but also because he needs to comprehend what happens. Because, till the very end, he can't understand. And when he does it's too late.
There are a lot of other things hidden in there, but i'm bored and tired and bah so i'll stop here. Hopefully it makes sense now. Even a little bit.
http://cybelian-black.livejournal.com/4028.html
In other words, since miserablefaith took the opportunity and i managed to confuse 30+ people... here's an attempt at explaining The House...
I don't remember how i got to writing it in the first place, i think it started as some sort of wingfic for mumblemutter back in the day the long Xmas exchange ficathon took place. Only typically for me it got lost on the way as i was trying to find a wingstory to write and started thinking about angels and winged creatures and whatifs.
First whatif was what if there's a place, like some sort of purgatory only not in the biblical sense where people go after they die. What if people who had no choice go there. And most of all what if there was a place people would go because surviving one can't accept their loss.
So enter Mikey who wakes up in this world and doesn't know where he is can't remember his existance and pretty much doesn't understand what the hell happens all the time. The story seen from the eyes of such a ghost. There's a hint, at the end, tho it is hinted at many times in the story that things aren't right, that something terrible happened before (in a before no one remember except Gerard) that there was an accident (the red and blue lights Mikey sees before he dies in a dream, the thing he has to remember, etc. ), a bus crash to be precise. The only person who never dies in the fic and is always, constantly alone is Gerard.
Well the fic is about acceptance and specifically not accepting, which is precisely what Gerard does after the accident. The world, with the house and the grass and the pond is a place outside reality where Gerard is constanly reviving his best friends and brothers, literaly. It is here that they are all trapped and live because Gerard wants them to. Of course things don't happen as planned since nobody really remembers anything from before, including their names, relationships and so on. They all start bonding, as we can see with Mikey and Bob, but it is... The only relationship that is the same as before the accident, regarding the feelings that are still there are with Gerard and Mikey and Gerard and Frank. Or rather on Gerard's part because Mikey doesn't remember being Gerard's brother nor does he understand the term brother at all. It is hinted that Frank has some sort of relationship with Gerard here too, but it is also hinted (very little) that Frank is somehow in love with Ray.
They all grow very connected to one another and yet distant. It's what Gerard means when he says it's not you. It's what drives Frank insane, it's what Gerard keepsw screaming over and over again, that Frank is not the same and they are not the same. The problem is that they can't really grow feelings except over time and Gerard is sick of time. They can't cry because they are not fully develloped because they're projections of what Gerard remembers them to be, and in the mean time they are their own persons. Mikey falls for Bob out of admiration and because Bob is different.
Bob leaves because he feels that something is wrong, that a lot is missing and because he needs to understand. It's something they all feel and they react differently to it. Ray hangs himself because Bob leaves. In fact Bob's leaving breaks the balance and they all spiral downwards from there. Frank drowns (it is not clear whether by accident or suicide, but it is hinted that Frank starts to remember things (the dreams are mostly memories) and can't really handle the situation with Gerard. It drives him insane. It's also possible that he understands the whole thing in the end and wants to escape.
It's hinted many times over that things are repetitive and that Gerard hates that. Everything happens over and over again as Gerard recreates them in his inabillity to accept their deaths. He brings them back over and over again only to see them die in front of him again and again and this time by their own hand. They want to rest and can't. They live in a simulacre world they don't understand and want to get out of when they do. The whole unnaturality of it all is omnipresent (there are no seasons, the field stretches on infinitely, everything is the same. They are unable to live or feel fully. they are connected but don't know by what. Even love is absent, relationships happening as simple need to have someone. The only one who feels, really feels fullscale is Gerard. and he suffers because he lost them, his whole life before that and everything, because he can't stop it or reverse it. It's just simulacre. That's why he kills Mikey in the end, because Mikey is not Mikey really and because he can make him again in another recreation. Because this Mikey does not conform to the one he knew in his real life. Because the others have already died and Gerard can't live without them, he needs to recreate them again.
There is no time, no day and night, only a long long time. Mikey leaves after Bob but also because he needs to comprehend what happens. Because, till the very end, he can't understand. And when he does it's too late.
There are a lot of other things hidden in there, but i'm bored and tired and bah so i'll stop here. Hopefully it makes sense now. Even a little bit.
http://cybelian-black.livejournal.com/4028.html