(no subject)
Once again, I'm not sure how my previous post went, or what I said ...
but I remember it wasn't too good.
Well now it's all over. I am no longer living with Tony, Jimmy, or
Stephanie ... and the only reason I have to give is because Jimmy and
Stephanie are uncomfortable with me being there because they don't know
me.
The whole thing is actually much much messier than that. Tony said a
lot of mean things to Tanya that were apparently reasons why no one
wanted me there, and he said things like he didn't give a fuck if me and
Christin weren't his friends anymore after this whole spiel and that
Christin was the reason they wanted me out and all this very
emotionally-tying shit. So ... I spent the most of Tuesday crying and
being angry over everything. Christin took things quite badly too ...
And then I knew that I was going to have to go there and sit in front of
them and have them tell me all this stuff that I wasn't supposed to
know. But thank my lucky stars, Tony came and sat with me and he talked
to me alone. And he was whole-heartedly upset ... He cried. But he
never gave me any of those horrible reasons he had told Tanya, he only
put them in the midst of a bunch of bullshit examples ... but only I
knew he was doing that, I knew what fact was and what was fiction.
So we were fine after all of it, and I moved out my stuff yesterday. I
took the day off and moved ... and everything is so fucked up at this
moment that I don't even want to think about what's to come.
Tanya is angry with Tony for a lot of reasons that surround what has
happened at that house and what has happened between me and Tony ... and
I feel she has the right to be angry.
Tony is not doing his part in their relationship. Instead, he sits
around with the guys and smokes pot ... and I know this because I was
there, unaware at the time that he had blown Tanya off saying he needed
to build the wall in the garage, watching a movie with him and everyone
else.
Tony becomes a different person when he smokes all day. He loses all
ambition, he looks blank and desolate. Not the person that we all know
and love! But now that he's moved back in with Jimmy, this is who he is
(except for when he was talking to me - he was still sober at that
moment). And this person doesn't care about all the things that were
important to him just two weeks ago.
And he's hurt me, and Christin, and he's hurting Tanya.
But does he even know he's hurt Chris or Tanya?
I know that he knows Tanya's mad at him, and I know that he knows that
he made Chris cry ...
And I know that he knows that he hurt me, that one's very obvious.
But how much does he really know?
He has lost all ambition to fix things.
Our finely crafted world is crumbling. No more sushi dates and smoke
nights. No World of Warcraft get-togethers ... no more 'Hey guyyyys!'
or cowtales and documentaries. No more Lucky Buffett and Tanya only
eating crablegs and huge heaps of ice cream. No more double anything,
no more going over there and Tanya and I against Tony and Chris.
Everything is failing and nothing is right.
And all we can really do is watch while he loses everything that was
once such a big part of all of our lives.
He buckles under pressure ... I doubt this will get better.
but I remember it wasn't too good.
Well now it's all over. I am no longer living with Tony, Jimmy, or
Stephanie ... and the only reason I have to give is because Jimmy and
Stephanie are uncomfortable with me being there because they don't know
me.
The whole thing is actually much much messier than that. Tony said a
lot of mean things to Tanya that were apparently reasons why no one
wanted me there, and he said things like he didn't give a fuck if me and
Christin weren't his friends anymore after this whole spiel and that
Christin was the reason they wanted me out and all this very
emotionally-tying shit. So ... I spent the most of Tuesday crying and
being angry over everything. Christin took things quite badly too ...
And then I knew that I was going to have to go there and sit in front of
them and have them tell me all this stuff that I wasn't supposed to
know. But thank my lucky stars, Tony came and sat with me and he talked
to me alone. And he was whole-heartedly upset ... He cried. But he
never gave me any of those horrible reasons he had told Tanya, he only
put them in the midst of a bunch of bullshit examples ... but only I
knew he was doing that, I knew what fact was and what was fiction.
So we were fine after all of it, and I moved out my stuff yesterday. I
took the day off and moved ... and everything is so fucked up at this
moment that I don't even want to think about what's to come.
Tanya is angry with Tony for a lot of reasons that surround what has
happened at that house and what has happened between me and Tony ... and
I feel she has the right to be angry.
Tony is not doing his part in their relationship. Instead, he sits
around with the guys and smokes pot ... and I know this because I was
there, unaware at the time that he had blown Tanya off saying he needed
to build the wall in the garage, watching a movie with him and everyone
else.
Tony becomes a different person when he smokes all day. He loses all
ambition, he looks blank and desolate. Not the person that we all know
and love! But now that he's moved back in with Jimmy, this is who he is
(except for when he was talking to me - he was still sober at that
moment). And this person doesn't care about all the things that were
important to him just two weeks ago.
And he's hurt me, and Christin, and he's hurting Tanya.
But does he even know he's hurt Chris or Tanya?
I know that he knows Tanya's mad at him, and I know that he knows that
he made Chris cry ...
And I know that he knows that he hurt me, that one's very obvious.
But how much does he really know?
He has lost all ambition to fix things.
Our finely crafted world is crumbling. No more sushi dates and smoke
nights. No World of Warcraft get-togethers ... no more 'Hey guyyyys!'
or cowtales and documentaries. No more Lucky Buffett and Tanya only
eating crablegs and huge heaps of ice cream. No more double anything,
no more going over there and Tanya and I against Tony and Chris.
Everything is failing and nothing is right.
And all we can really do is watch while he loses everything that was
once such a big part of all of our lives.
He buckles under pressure ... I doubt this will get better.