(no subject)
there's been a tickling in the back of my mind which i've fervently tried to ignore. i would hate to be cliche and leave it simply as an identity crisis, or the question that everyone eventually asks themselves [who am i?]. i'm not trying to sound elitist or self important when i say, "i think my case is a little different."
let me enlighten you.
the person that i am is a mere puppet that is often controlled by some master puppeteer watching in a place of quietude and isolation. more often than not, however, this puppet becomes a robot and acts on its own accord [or in this case, does NOT act..at all.] i'm having a little trouble controlling my motions. when i eat, it's not my stomach that fills up. when i look around, it's not actually my point of view. when i drink, it's not my throat that is sated. when i see someone i'd like to get to know and all i can do is smile, i feel as if it's a machine malfunction. say something interesting, dammit! say something that'll prove you're not lacking in personality like every other smiling girl he walks by. say something that's evidence that you're as smart, witty, sarcastic and entertaining as your friends think you are! i know who i am. this bumbling idiot can't be me. i'm watching a movie about an ill-fated college student who is directionless and has a lot of trouble telling people what she wants. i'm not typing right now. i'm sitting somewhere in the back of my mind screaming at the image of me being pitiful.
have you ever seen the movie, "being john malkovich?" yea. well i feel like i'm in the same situation. this shouldn't be my life. this is actually quite perplexing.
sidenote: oh SURE, NOW the sun comes out and then recedes back into its clouds within 2 minutes so there is NO chance of me doing my usual monday, wednesday, friday routine out in front of the porter classrooms. FUCK the clouds.
to those who answered my question of what their plans would be if they were to live for just 2 hours more, i thank you. to those who read my livejournal, but did NOT answer my question, your ASSES are MINE. [like david jun. who succeeded in commenting, yet failed to answer my question.]
live. love. burn. die.
--e--
let me enlighten you.
the person that i am is a mere puppet that is often controlled by some master puppeteer watching in a place of quietude and isolation. more often than not, however, this puppet becomes a robot and acts on its own accord [or in this case, does NOT act..at all.] i'm having a little trouble controlling my motions. when i eat, it's not my stomach that fills up. when i look around, it's not actually my point of view. when i drink, it's not my throat that is sated. when i see someone i'd like to get to know and all i can do is smile, i feel as if it's a machine malfunction. say something interesting, dammit! say something that'll prove you're not lacking in personality like every other smiling girl he walks by. say something that's evidence that you're as smart, witty, sarcastic and entertaining as your friends think you are! i know who i am. this bumbling idiot can't be me. i'm watching a movie about an ill-fated college student who is directionless and has a lot of trouble telling people what she wants. i'm not typing right now. i'm sitting somewhere in the back of my mind screaming at the image of me being pitiful.
have you ever seen the movie, "being john malkovich?" yea. well i feel like i'm in the same situation. this shouldn't be my life. this is actually quite perplexing.
sidenote: oh SURE, NOW the sun comes out and then recedes back into its clouds within 2 minutes so there is NO chance of me doing my usual monday, wednesday, friday routine out in front of the porter classrooms. FUCK the clouds.
to those who answered my question of what their plans would be if they were to live for just 2 hours more, i thank you. to those who read my livejournal, but did NOT answer my question, your ASSES are MINE. [like david jun. who succeeded in commenting, yet failed to answer my question.]
live. love. burn. die.
--e--