sick and scared...
so i feel like after everything im trying to go through right now, ive been feeling ill, and not a good kind of ill... to me its really scary... because i know what it is... and theres a very very high 90% chance of surgery, if im right... i have diverticlitus... which is a disease of the intestines...and i have it in just one part of my intestines... after three flair ups of it, on the third time they HAVE to its 100% gaurenteed surgery...so ive left it go to watch it the last about two weeks and ive been getting sick, it started off very mild, maybe throwing up every other day, feeling alright, well then its progressed from that to about two to three times a day im getting sick now.. and im putting it off, because im pretty scared that i will have to go get surgery... the last time i was in the hospital with this, i was with my partner at the time and he was with me the whole time and it was still scary being in the hospital and whatnot... but if i have to go in for surgery, then its gonna be 1 million times worse right now than ever... first off dealing with the things i am, the fact that its major surgery, i mean its not like when i went to get my tonsils out, and i went in, and they took them out and i ate some ice cream i went home and it was all good... not this would be cutting my stomach open, and removing a section of my intestines... and i will be going through this alone.. its very very scary for me...im recognizing the early sings... getting sick, not being able to eat much, kinda getting sick after i eat, not being able to sleep, im starting to get the pain... its all like a bad dream again...but if anything, im going to wait until monday... i will have to going to try to hold out until then, because i really dont want to spend easter in the hospital... holidays in a hospital isnt my idea of fun...so i guess i will find out more monday, its the best i can do for now... but until then im frieghtened... im terrified... ive never had any kind of major surgery and even the idea of it is scaring me to death...