my father...
you know i realized something and today just cemented that realization for me... i hate my father... like ive always know i hated him but what gets me the most is he is the worlds biggest asshole, when i was younger, he could be an asshole, but hes gotten worse with age...and of course my mother keeps telling me that he is trying to make it up tome for not being a father all thos eyears to me, and for not being there for me all those years...well i love my mom, but i cant agree with her on this one...he is absolutely out of control...all that he does is scream, yell, belittle, and just overall be hateful... i cant put up with it much more...he started on me today and had me so angry, i litteraly wanted to punch him in his mouth, and i literaly would have called the cops on myself because i wanted any excsue to get away from him, even to go to jail...you know i know many people might not understand...but i do...hes a monster, hes like every other pyschopath in this country...hes seems sooo nice and such a great guy when there people around, but when its behind closed doors at our house, or when theres no one around, mr. hyde comes out...seriously and i was sooo mad today and it wasnt just at my dad, it was at my sister too, because first thing she did today, was nail me in the ribs, my sisters isnt a little girl, shes only 10 but she weighs a good 120pounds, and so when you have that crashing into your ribs, not only do you lose your breath, but it doubled me over in pain.. i thought she broke a rib or two... then this afternoon, the thing that started it all off, me and my sister i agreed to play some gamecube with her, well we were walking off to go play the game cube, and she was being slow and i was playing around, and trying to hurry her up, and she turns around with her grape juice bottle in hand, and smashes my fingers, and yet again, at that point in time i swear to god my fingers felt like she broke every bone in two fingers...but it hurt soo bad, and she took off, and i was soo pissed off, i threw my full water bottle at her... now mind you, if i really wanted too i would have hit her in the back of the head and took her down, but it wasnt so much throwing my water bottle at her as to just throwing it in genral because i was in severe pain... and of course then my fatehrs at it, fucking up and screaming in my face, blaming it all on me saying i hit her first and so forth and so on, and just screaming, literally screaming in my face..i dont appreciate that at all, i dont care who it is... so my mom was on the phone with my grandma, and she comes out and of course my grandma thinks everythings my fault, that im supposed to just put up with the abuse and it will be okay...but she only does it because she thinks i need my father in my life... I DONT...so after threating my mother that i wanted to move out and find somewhere else to live...anywhere...she tries to calm me down and i told her, i said you keep him away or he gets hurt and i go to jail...my mother knows me, and i think she als knows now, that there is no hope for him to ever be my father...hes back to being what he was classified before and thats sperm-donor.... thats all he is to me, he donated the sperm to make it possible that im here today, thats it...im sorry, and most people dont agree with me here, but to me, just because two people gave birth to you doesnt mean they automatically gain the right to the title mom and dad, mother or father... it takes work to be a mother and to be a father... my mom and i havent always seen eye to eye, but shes worked at being a good mother to make up to me for all the wrongs in the past, and she assured me that he had changed now too... i see now, she was deluded by him, my mother has always been a bit blind when it comes to him... but it doesnt matter, i have a call for an interview tommorow, and hopefully i get it, because its VERY good money, starting off 65k a year, and everything is looking good for it...and i want it bad...and if i get it, let me tell you what, i know with making that kind of money i can afford a place of my own and pay my bills off, i dont want too do that, but i also dont think i can continue to live under his roof...