Along time...
I am trying to remember a time when I was truely happy. When I always had a smile on my face. That was so many years ago though, almost to beyond the point of rememberence. So much has happened in the past month that has really just got me thinking about the life that I want to live. I want to be able to smile at life and enjoy it, but for some reason I can't. I am trying to go on with my everyday life and concentrate on things (like school), but I just can't. I am failing my college algebra class...I just feel as though I don't do anything right. Today we had a homework quiz in it...I know for sure that I missed two questions because it was the day that I checked out because I was crying to hard (when I found out about Matt's death). I almost cried in class about it. Savannah and I were talking about things the other day and we really are thinking on the same level. She said that she doesn't see how she can sit there and concentrate on school work when her life is so messed up. I know that I have this amazing life that some people would absolutely love, but I am just so depressed. I feel as though I am sitting on the outside and watching it rotate around me. The only time I feel as though I am in my world is when I am with my friends. They allow me to put up my front and just pretend to be happy. I asked a friend of mine the other day....what can I do to make myself feel whole, or atleast be honestly happy for one day? She didnt know what to tell me. I dont know what to tell myself sometimes when I have to cry myself to sleep. I just wish that there was someone out there with all the answers for me. I am so sorry that this entry is so depressing, but I just had to make an attempt to explain things.