Stoned Thoughts...
Gus called me twice last night. He made me feel like I haven't felt in a long time. To be honest, not since the beginning with Peter. I'm going crazy with this. I'm not supposed to feel this way. I can't feel this way. I'm going to get so hurt with this. One way or another, this is not going to end well. He has yet to go to all of those bad emotional places I've been, and he has no idea how low one can go. He doesn't understand why I am the way I am. And I don't want to tell him. He doesn't understand that I am not beautiful, how dirty it has been, that I'm no angel. And I don't want him to see the truth. But he will.
I can't help this. I'm falling so hard. This isn't lip service. He drives me crazy, and I can't take it. But I'm going to be me. Me is mean, me says the wrong things and is selfish. He holds the door for me, he rubs my back before I fall asleep. He knows to kiss me good bye even if he's just going to the kitchen. He pays attention to me even in a crowd of 20 people. He doesn't deserve someone who is absentminded and easily distracted, someone who purposefully avoids his gaze.
But he's already grabbed me, and he's going to get me. He has me, shit. Now he's going to see the real me coming out in all my stupidity.
Fuck. I can't help this.
I can't help this. I'm falling so hard. This isn't lip service. He drives me crazy, and I can't take it. But I'm going to be me. Me is mean, me says the wrong things and is selfish. He holds the door for me, he rubs my back before I fall asleep. He knows to kiss me good bye even if he's just going to the kitchen. He pays attention to me even in a crowd of 20 people. He doesn't deserve someone who is absentminded and easily distracted, someone who purposefully avoids his gaze.
But he's already grabbed me, and he's going to get me. He has me, shit. Now he's going to see the real me coming out in all my stupidity.
Fuck. I can't help this.