(Shades of Grey)
I really need to apologise to Dr Walsh, at work, for being absent so often. I feel awful about it, but between the [former?] demon in the house, and Ethan, I've been rather distracted of late. I don't know what's the matter with me, I just can't bring myself to care too terribly much about work, or duty, or anything that's been a watchword (sic) of my life.
Perhaps I've just been fooling myself all these years. Ethan, the things we do... the things I do to him... Once in a while I'll catch a brief glimpse of the damage I've done, and I can't help but be horrified because I think of myself as a civilised person. He tells me I shouldn't ever have to feel sorry, because he's not, but I do wonder if he's wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but I've always heard that drowning was a pleasant way to go.
Perhaps I've just been fooling myself all these years. Ethan, the things we do... the things I do to him... Once in a while I'll catch a brief glimpse of the damage I've done, and I can't help but be horrified because I think of myself as a civilised person. He tells me I shouldn't ever have to feel sorry, because he's not, but I do wonder if he's wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but I've always heard that drowning was a pleasant way to go.