Suppose nows a good of a time as any...
So a small update.
I've been dating a girl who is amazing, and despite previous statements, she is quite younger than me, 20 in fact, but despite this, she doesn't act the age, and really we are super similar in a shit ton of ways. Haven't found anything that annoys me about her in any way, which is a huge plus, and is someone that I immediately felt/feel I can be 100% open and honest with, which is rare and previously pretty exclusive to Gene.
With that said, she got out of a 3 year relationship with her ex about 6 months ago, and last night hung out with him to see if they could still at least be friends. I told her I was fine with it, and I am, because I trust her and her word, but last night into today, I felt worried. I suppose I felt worried that my heart would get hurt by her realizing she still had feelings for him and would want to end things with me. In no way am I about to, or ever going to tell her what she can and can't do, and she is also 100% free to do whatever she wants in life, still doesn't mean I wouldn't get hurt in the process.
So I texted her a bit ago and told her this, and she said they both agreed to only be friends, and she realized last night again why she didn't want to be with him, and I trust her word. I suppose it's a I am hating the fact that I feel this way...worried I suppose, and it sucks. In some ways I want to think, I dunno that I'm better then this, though I'm supposing that I am just human I guess, but it's the one emotion I hate feeling. Jealousy or even worry, I hate feeling it. It tends to consume me, and put me on edge, can't fucking stand it.
I suppose it stems from the thought process of feeling like I always get hurt, or in the sense of always putting myself out there full trust and all, and get stomped on in the process. Even now when nothing is in the least clearly definitive, just these feelings consuming me.
Ugh, so yea there's a small update, as well as stating I need more sleep, 3rd shift job is going to be fun once school starts, and I dunno whether its just a temp gig now or something that I'll be at for a while, but only time will tell. I suppose I just need to dwell on it in a calm mind for a while, and let life fall where it may.
I've been dating a girl who is amazing, and despite previous statements, she is quite younger than me, 20 in fact, but despite this, she doesn't act the age, and really we are super similar in a shit ton of ways. Haven't found anything that annoys me about her in any way, which is a huge plus, and is someone that I immediately felt/feel I can be 100% open and honest with, which is rare and previously pretty exclusive to Gene.
With that said, she got out of a 3 year relationship with her ex about 6 months ago, and last night hung out with him to see if they could still at least be friends. I told her I was fine with it, and I am, because I trust her and her word, but last night into today, I felt worried. I suppose I felt worried that my heart would get hurt by her realizing she still had feelings for him and would want to end things with me. In no way am I about to, or ever going to tell her what she can and can't do, and she is also 100% free to do whatever she wants in life, still doesn't mean I wouldn't get hurt in the process.
So I texted her a bit ago and told her this, and she said they both agreed to only be friends, and she realized last night again why she didn't want to be with him, and I trust her word. I suppose it's a I am hating the fact that I feel this way...worried I suppose, and it sucks. In some ways I want to think, I dunno that I'm better then this, though I'm supposing that I am just human I guess, but it's the one emotion I hate feeling. Jealousy or even worry, I hate feeling it. It tends to consume me, and put me on edge, can't fucking stand it.
I suppose it stems from the thought process of feeling like I always get hurt, or in the sense of always putting myself out there full trust and all, and get stomped on in the process. Even now when nothing is in the least clearly definitive, just these feelings consuming me.
Ugh, so yea there's a small update, as well as stating I need more sleep, 3rd shift job is going to be fun once school starts, and I dunno whether its just a temp gig now or something that I'll be at for a while, but only time will tell. I suppose I just need to dwell on it in a calm mind for a while, and let life fall where it may.