Foundations
I'm realizing I defiantly, if for nothing else just self esteem/letting go of tautological thought patterns, need to write more. How to write is a question that is asked of myself, meaning what to write. Simplistic everyday things, or continue with the rant filled madness that comes across as me entirely, though people who actually KNOW me will tell you that is only a small side, a side rarely seen in social interaction unless it is with those whom I feel I can be truly open, and those people are few and far between. So, the question still stands, to which I believe the answer is free thinking type of style here.
The title "Foundations" will probably be a tag, for I believe I'm wanting to help build something, as if I'm seeking to tear down what was before in a matter like Descartes, in order to truly see what lies within the rubble and even to build anew, better and more refined, a proper foundation must be first.
I'm also trying a little tactic in a book Frequency I'm reading, which is all about oneness, reading people, and overall occult themes that I seem to be inextricably drawn to. The style is simply writing, and not rereading what lay before until you are finished, just letting any and everything just fall out, like I'm puking my thoughts out (in digital form) on the proverbial sidewalk.
So where to begin, I suppose I'll begin at the present. I've been seeing a counselor, which is helping actually, but in a way I feel is different then before with the entire mental breakdown type deal. In a lot of ways it's helping myself claim come to better grips with my esteem and overall acceptance of who this "me" is. All in all though, I cant help but feel slightly cynical, partly because a lot of things are running a tad counter to previous thoughts and notions, but I suppose it's more because I'm tossing notions aside that I realize are foolish, though even that seems odd to grasp. A lot of this makes me question my own possibility into entering the world of counseling, something I'll talk about later at some point, but for now it reflects solely upon my own thought patterns. I'm getting off topic, let me start again, or rather, simplify it.
I'm learning, and I mean it in the actually embedding type way, not the simple scholastic remember recite way, about fear. That is truly is at the root of all we do, more or less anyway. Though to make it better understood, its at the root of what I do. My thoughts, my critiques, my reasonings, are fear based. An odd thought to grasp at first, but really I actually agree to the most part. The true self, the real you, doesn't worry about these things that bother, or annoy, or worry. It just is, and it will be. It is mutable, changing, and always truthful, because when you act inside your true self, you are acting as truthful to yourself as you can.
This, is what I'm trying to build a foundation towards, though how fast the construction crew can work is unknown, possibly a lifetime.
I feel in a lot of ways, and possibly the source of the attraction, that occult (I hate using that word but it's the first one that comes to mind) is where I can find a lot of answers. It's hard to describe, but the best way I know how is that feeling of just knowing when you read or do something, you just KNOW it fits. Oneness, the self, something other than what we can touch or feel, is truthful to me. Is this religious and prove there's a god? No.
As sociological programming seems to have ingrained with us, I feel the need to answer the religious question, for everyone makes their assumption about someone based on such, which is bullshit by the way.
Am I religious?
Depends. IF anything I identify more with Buddhist methodology, but whether it can be defined as a religion is somewhat questionable based upon one's definition or religion, but I digress. No, as a whole, no. Really I worship my self, or rather am devoted to the bettering of myself, for I TRULY feel that if I let someone else guide me, meaning define who I am as a person because of some decree, the less I will learn and grow.
Do I believe in God (notice the capital G)?
Never had an epiphany on God, so...don't know. The notion of God, I find tyrannical, misguided, and nothing more then a scare tactic. Hence, I will never follow a typical western religion.
Do I believe in a maker?
Philosophically speaking, perhaps. It stands to rational reason that perhaps someTHING created all that is observable and material and whatnot, but does it denote a divine one whom I as a male is oppressive (feminist wise) by chastising women for giving me the apple of knowledge? Dear GOD no.
See what I did there?
All in all, "religion" to me is ethics, codes to denote your life by because you trust others have figured it all out and laid it before you. And in a sense, sure this works, because the human condition says we have X number of whatever unit of time measurement on this planet (as far as we know), so there's no way you can learn everything there is to know. Shit, Buddha was a MAN, and it took him reincarnations to learn what he learned.
Do I believe in reincarnation?
Depends on your definition of it. Return to life as a human? I don't know, perhaps, though life is showing me that humans are truly flawed, and mankind as a whole is broken and battered, a point I feel many, especially in the current era of mass socialization, have screamed and shouted, yet we choose to ignore or even embrace such a doctrine, rather then focus on it.
Power, man is obsessed with it. That is my conclusion. Though power stems from fear. That is my conclusion.
Power is safety from failure. Power is safety from hurt. Power, is being cradled again by your mother as you suck on her tit.
We feel a need to defend ourselves so much, to not let others get at the "ME" that we instead put up fear barriers. Name them what you life, respect, disrespect, anger, resentment, even charity I can argue is a way of allowing others to see yourself as being something that'll boost your own ego.
Even if one does act within the confines of his true self, power can still grip hold and consume.
Why do you need your material goods? Why do you need to make others below you on the hierarchy that is troublesome and hurtful.
Life, in many respects, is painful. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being truly morose, rather truthful to what I'm feeling. I do believe there's also good out there.
All of this however, I wonder is nothing more then just a giant biological defense mechanism. Good or bad feelings, actions, reactions, choices, good or bad as a whole. Anything and everything, is programmed biologically from fetal state to whenever, ever changing in an attempt to just learn and adapt. Survival.
Think I'll stop here, dwell a bit more, and continue another time.
The title "Foundations" will probably be a tag, for I believe I'm wanting to help build something, as if I'm seeking to tear down what was before in a matter like Descartes, in order to truly see what lies within the rubble and even to build anew, better and more refined, a proper foundation must be first.
I'm also trying a little tactic in a book Frequency I'm reading, which is all about oneness, reading people, and overall occult themes that I seem to be inextricably drawn to. The style is simply writing, and not rereading what lay before until you are finished, just letting any and everything just fall out, like I'm puking my thoughts out (in digital form) on the proverbial sidewalk.
So where to begin, I suppose I'll begin at the present. I've been seeing a counselor, which is helping actually, but in a way I feel is different then before with the entire mental breakdown type deal. In a lot of ways it's helping myself claim come to better grips with my esteem and overall acceptance of who this "me" is. All in all though, I cant help but feel slightly cynical, partly because a lot of things are running a tad counter to previous thoughts and notions, but I suppose it's more because I'm tossing notions aside that I realize are foolish, though even that seems odd to grasp. A lot of this makes me question my own possibility into entering the world of counseling, something I'll talk about later at some point, but for now it reflects solely upon my own thought patterns. I'm getting off topic, let me start again, or rather, simplify it.
I'm learning, and I mean it in the actually embedding type way, not the simple scholastic remember recite way, about fear. That is truly is at the root of all we do, more or less anyway. Though to make it better understood, its at the root of what I do. My thoughts, my critiques, my reasonings, are fear based. An odd thought to grasp at first, but really I actually agree to the most part. The true self, the real you, doesn't worry about these things that bother, or annoy, or worry. It just is, and it will be. It is mutable, changing, and always truthful, because when you act inside your true self, you are acting as truthful to yourself as you can.
This, is what I'm trying to build a foundation towards, though how fast the construction crew can work is unknown, possibly a lifetime.
I feel in a lot of ways, and possibly the source of the attraction, that occult (I hate using that word but it's the first one that comes to mind) is where I can find a lot of answers. It's hard to describe, but the best way I know how is that feeling of just knowing when you read or do something, you just KNOW it fits. Oneness, the self, something other than what we can touch or feel, is truthful to me. Is this religious and prove there's a god? No.
As sociological programming seems to have ingrained with us, I feel the need to answer the religious question, for everyone makes their assumption about someone based on such, which is bullshit by the way.
Am I religious?
Depends. IF anything I identify more with Buddhist methodology, but whether it can be defined as a religion is somewhat questionable based upon one's definition or religion, but I digress. No, as a whole, no. Really I worship my self, or rather am devoted to the bettering of myself, for I TRULY feel that if I let someone else guide me, meaning define who I am as a person because of some decree, the less I will learn and grow.
Do I believe in God (notice the capital G)?
Never had an epiphany on God, so...don't know. The notion of God, I find tyrannical, misguided, and nothing more then a scare tactic. Hence, I will never follow a typical western religion.
Do I believe in a maker?
Philosophically speaking, perhaps. It stands to rational reason that perhaps someTHING created all that is observable and material and whatnot, but does it denote a divine one whom I as a male is oppressive (feminist wise) by chastising women for giving me the apple of knowledge? Dear GOD no.
See what I did there?
All in all, "religion" to me is ethics, codes to denote your life by because you trust others have figured it all out and laid it before you. And in a sense, sure this works, because the human condition says we have X number of whatever unit of time measurement on this planet (as far as we know), so there's no way you can learn everything there is to know. Shit, Buddha was a MAN, and it took him reincarnations to learn what he learned.
Do I believe in reincarnation?
Depends on your definition of it. Return to life as a human? I don't know, perhaps, though life is showing me that humans are truly flawed, and mankind as a whole is broken and battered, a point I feel many, especially in the current era of mass socialization, have screamed and shouted, yet we choose to ignore or even embrace such a doctrine, rather then focus on it.
Power, man is obsessed with it. That is my conclusion. Though power stems from fear. That is my conclusion.
Power is safety from failure. Power is safety from hurt. Power, is being cradled again by your mother as you suck on her tit.
We feel a need to defend ourselves so much, to not let others get at the "ME" that we instead put up fear barriers. Name them what you life, respect, disrespect, anger, resentment, even charity I can argue is a way of allowing others to see yourself as being something that'll boost your own ego.
Even if one does act within the confines of his true self, power can still grip hold and consume.
Why do you need your material goods? Why do you need to make others below you on the hierarchy that is troublesome and hurtful.
Life, in many respects, is painful. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being truly morose, rather truthful to what I'm feeling. I do believe there's also good out there.
All of this however, I wonder is nothing more then just a giant biological defense mechanism. Good or bad feelings, actions, reactions, choices, good or bad as a whole. Anything and everything, is programmed biologically from fetal state to whenever, ever changing in an attempt to just learn and adapt. Survival.
Think I'll stop here, dwell a bit more, and continue another time.