I hate me. But that's ok.
I don't understand why no matter what I say it's taken as an annoyance. I can't have friends other than one or two very good ones. I hate who I am. I can't converse normally. I can't help it. I feel like I'm being more accepting of other people than other people are of me, as I have very many people I like, and a couple I like enough to say I have a crush on them. Yet, they just think I'm annoying, stupid, non sensible, and devoid of anything they hold important. I even try to bend to their rules, and fail. Maybe I'm just as unaccepting as they. I guess that's ok. I go through little periods when I think I have friends, ones of both genders. And I don't. It's just an illusion created by how my treatment is affected by the extreme moods of other parties leading to the glossing over of my otherwise egregious failures and faults. Sometimes I look at people and want to give them a hug, or to show them I care about them. But if I even so much as imply that I'm going to attempt to do some such thing, they look at me as if it's completely out of character for an idiot of my being to act in such a way. It is as if they've constructed who I am before seeing my blueprints. But I guess that's also ok. I guess what I'm saying is...well, I don't know what I'm saying. But I guess that's also ok, as everything is ok in the sense that it exists to me.
~Roy
~Roy