Read at your own risk... Not ment to be a funny title. Just a warning.
I don't know why, but tonight was a bad night. I feel like crawling into a hole or bottle. Maybe a bottle then I could hop into the fridge. I feel like sitting in a cold place. Let the heat leak from me for a while, feel life ebb away so that I realise I'm still of this world. I'm glad its getting cool again... I can wear my hoodies. I know I haven't said much on here at all. I'm sorry. I haven't posted since febuary. I'm kind of in a rut. The weather has made work unbarable. "Oh nowes!! I'm going to get wet!! Ewwwww rain....!!!!!!!!!" >.> Stupid people. Granted we've gotten 6 inches and that's very unusual, but its still only rain. Its so terribly boring here. No one wants to get groceries... no one wants to get their pets health checked up. Most people don't want to hear how my day has gone... Some times I don't want to know how my day has gone. No one want's to hear that I saw blood pouring from a ear hematoma... or that the pusy nastyness from a pyometra looks like queso dip. Who wants to know that I've watched animals crash and die from an ailment that we didn't know about. Watch a doctor fraticly try to shoot adrinaline into the heart of a dog that just did the "play dead" move for real.... legs stretched out... neck craned back... then just goes limp. I don't even want to watch a sweet, beautiful dog waste away before my eyes. Watch her go from a stubbed toe to not eating, not drinking, not moving, and having to be put down. Dropping a fifth of her body weight in a month... from nothing to horrible. Trying despretly to treat it... moving through her... from one paw to another. Eating a hole through her paw, exposing bone. Healing her. Making progress. Treating vasculitis... a somewhat common disease of Grey Hounds. And then her giving up the fight. NO Why did you have to give up. I had talked about how I didn't want to be there if we would have to put her down. Another girl said the same thing, but when I saw that she was here and the other girl had gone to lunch... I stayed. I had seen this dog come in every time she had treatment. I was attached and I couldn't walk away. I stayed and watched the needle go in. I watched her relaxe one last time. And I watched the light fade from her eye. I bagged her and tagged her and carried her to the freezer so that she could be cremated. Your no longer in pain. No longer too weak. May you rest in peace Oasis, I'll never forget.
Guess I kept that bottled up. Its weird to feel you face twich while half crying.
I never feel like I have much to say. Leaving out the kind of stuff like what's above, not a lot happens. There are itchy dogs, vomiting dogs, diarriha dogs, dogs getting their yearly shots... Normal surgeries... I have been present for two ACL repairs which are cool. I was there for an amputation of a leg that was probably going to kill the animal due to infection anyway. I got to play with ferrets today. They really are tubes of fur. They feel so odd since their long and thin. One escaped throuh the cage bars to some how get into another cage and couldn't get out.
MMM... crown and coke.. well pepsi actually. I remember the last time I had it while alone, but I wasn't then, but I am now. I just want to craw inside my self and reminess about the good times. Not how I'm feeling now. Is it bad that I thought I had more whisky to drink than a few shots of Crown and maybe two shots of Woodford? Oh well. Oh wait... there's tequela. >.> Hmm... do I want to loose my clothes or not? Eh... I'm alone and only in boxers... would it really matter? Or theres the Johnny Walker. And then there all the vodka. Or I could do shots of liquid cocaine. The fridge of beer is rather inviting.... Sometimes its just a good night to drink. Granted I coulld do other things... Oh... and wine. Can't forget the rotten fruit. I wish someone were here... or at least online. Not that I'm in the best of conditions for socializing.
Its kind of sad to resist the want to drive a 18 guage needle into the skin of the bridge of my nose. But the pain is oh so wonderful. Its fun to watch the blood run down my muzzle. To feel the warmth external. Red contrasting aginst a pale visage. But I promissed I wouldn't. But, only one wouldn't hurt... right? Well... it would, but it would feel good.... so it doesn't hurt. But its bad, but good. Eh... another drink will help... sort of. Ethanol is rather numbing... would take more than just one needle... But at least the ethanol is converting to acetic acid and not something else. Yay alcohol dehydrogenase!! Well... as long as you feed it the right alcohol. Methanol be bad stuff... converts to formeldehyde and oxolic acid. I'd rather not be preserved while I'm alive. Is it bad that i can picture these molecules? w00t for intoxicated biochem.
What's bad is that a year ago I felt like Dr. House. I was chowing down on Naproxen like they were candy. Yay for NSAID's and not worse. I had a scrip for hydocodone... or something like that a year ago when I got wacked in the face and never took them. I didn't even fill the scrip. I hate that my back decided to start hurning 2 years ago. I was in more or less constant pain for a year and a half and then it went away. And randomly stopped for 6 or 7 months. And now its back. >.>
The time is 3:21am and i'm going to bed. NIght alll
Guess I kept that bottled up. Its weird to feel you face twich while half crying.
I never feel like I have much to say. Leaving out the kind of stuff like what's above, not a lot happens. There are itchy dogs, vomiting dogs, diarriha dogs, dogs getting their yearly shots... Normal surgeries... I have been present for two ACL repairs which are cool. I was there for an amputation of a leg that was probably going to kill the animal due to infection anyway. I got to play with ferrets today. They really are tubes of fur. They feel so odd since their long and thin. One escaped throuh the cage bars to some how get into another cage and couldn't get out.
MMM... crown and coke.. well pepsi actually. I remember the last time I had it while alone, but I wasn't then, but I am now. I just want to craw inside my self and reminess about the good times. Not how I'm feeling now. Is it bad that I thought I had more whisky to drink than a few shots of Crown and maybe two shots of Woodford? Oh well. Oh wait... there's tequela. >.> Hmm... do I want to loose my clothes or not? Eh... I'm alone and only in boxers... would it really matter? Or theres the Johnny Walker. And then there all the vodka. Or I could do shots of liquid cocaine. The fridge of beer is rather inviting.... Sometimes its just a good night to drink. Granted I coulld do other things... Oh... and wine. Can't forget the rotten fruit. I wish someone were here... or at least online. Not that I'm in the best of conditions for socializing.
Its kind of sad to resist the want to drive a 18 guage needle into the skin of the bridge of my nose. But the pain is oh so wonderful. Its fun to watch the blood run down my muzzle. To feel the warmth external. Red contrasting aginst a pale visage. But I promissed I wouldn't. But, only one wouldn't hurt... right? Well... it would, but it would feel good.... so it doesn't hurt. But its bad, but good. Eh... another drink will help... sort of. Ethanol is rather numbing... would take more than just one needle... But at least the ethanol is converting to acetic acid and not something else. Yay alcohol dehydrogenase!! Well... as long as you feed it the right alcohol. Methanol be bad stuff... converts to formeldehyde and oxolic acid. I'd rather not be preserved while I'm alive. Is it bad that i can picture these molecules? w00t for intoxicated biochem.
What's bad is that a year ago I felt like Dr. House. I was chowing down on Naproxen like they were candy. Yay for NSAID's and not worse. I had a scrip for hydocodone... or something like that a year ago when I got wacked in the face and never took them. I didn't even fill the scrip. I hate that my back decided to start hurning 2 years ago. I was in more or less constant pain for a year and a half and then it went away. And randomly stopped for 6 or 7 months. And now its back. >.>
The time is 3:21am and i'm going to bed. NIght alll