Why, Georgia, why?
Ohkayso. There's been a surge of bitterness on my part lately, either because of a coincidental turn of events, or karma's really a bitch and it's getting back at me for not understanding the term "monogamy" until recently.
Don't get me wrong, monogamy is a very valuable thing. Believe you me, if I ever caught a boyfriend (now or in the past) even thinking about breaking his part of the monogamy deal, I'd wring his neck. Braxton Meredith can attest to the hell I probably put him through just for hearing rumors about his alleged flirting and fooling around. (Has he disappeared off the face of the earth, by the way?) But, apparently to me, it wasn't something that I really put much stock in myself, up until starting at Transy. I mean, in high school, guys were kind of an accessory for me, something to talk about at lunch, and someone to talk to late at night. Guys were exchangable companions, and as long as I had one, or two, or maybe three, I was just fine.
Okay, well that mentality could only get me so far in life. And I thoroughly apologize to anyone who may have recieved the wrong end of that from me. ...Sorry.
Starting college meant starting some grown up relationships... Well, as grown up as I could get, with Dalton refusing to speak to me for two days because I hit him on the leg. But I loved him. Finally, there was that fleeting feeling I had been yearning for, there was that something to live and die for, there was that something that drove me crazy.
Turns out, too crazy. Dalton wasn't grown up himself. But I learned, if you care about someone, even if there is temptation (drunken temptation, at that), you simply don't just make out with whomever you please. It's a simple enough lesson, lord knows why it took me so long to figure it out. And when I met Chris, I was so completely faithful. It was a testament to my growth in relationships. I mean, I know emotions, I know how to deal with people, and I've had my fair share of break ups, but I'd never really experienced monogamy. And I thought, "So? This is it? A clean conscience and a more grown up relationship?"
I realize why I had to change: in college, the stakes are WAY higher. You, most of the time, practically live with the person. He or she becomes more than just an "accessory," they're a real companion that go through so much of what you do. You have to really value this person to be able to go through all that. So that, to me, meant... time to grow up, Julie.
So after all this dumb break up shit I've been through recently, after the crying and the anger and the bitterness and the hope, and then repeating the cycle a few times... I consented to have dinner with a good friend of mine. At least, sometimes I consider him a good friend. He was also one of those casualities of my stance on relationships in high school. Who knows if it was a date? Who knows his real motives?
Who knows? He didn't show up. I totally understand now, but I was pretty pissed at the time. I went into my evening with a strike on the record thinking, "Wow, guys just don't seem to like me anymore." Of course, this was a jovial attitude that wasn't completely serious. In fact, I met two more guy friends at Common Grounds to hang out for a while. Uh... I should mention. Both of these guys were also casualities of mine.
Wherein, a short while later, I ran into Chris Jones... who, normally, is very excited to see his "Little Apple Blossom." He texts me at early hours, telling me we should get together, we should see each other, he misses me, etc. But get this: two strikes. I'm almost out! He ignores me! He gives me one glance and goes back to his texting! What?!
What have I, Julie Blankenship, done to make the men in my world treat me with such disdain?!
Ah, take a second look, Julie. The world is often tinted with one's own individual lenses... All in all, not really a big deal. But I think karma's coming back to get me. Two extremely disastrous relationships that have done anything but help my self esteem... yes, that's karma's way of saying, "Told you so..."
And karma's so not done yet. I can just tell. My next boyfriend is going to be either a druggie or cheat on me. A lot. Whoopie!!
God's telling me to stay away from men. I might listen.
Don't get me wrong, monogamy is a very valuable thing. Believe you me, if I ever caught a boyfriend (now or in the past) even thinking about breaking his part of the monogamy deal, I'd wring his neck. Braxton Meredith can attest to the hell I probably put him through just for hearing rumors about his alleged flirting and fooling around. (Has he disappeared off the face of the earth, by the way?) But, apparently to me, it wasn't something that I really put much stock in myself, up until starting at Transy. I mean, in high school, guys were kind of an accessory for me, something to talk about at lunch, and someone to talk to late at night. Guys were exchangable companions, and as long as I had one, or two, or maybe three, I was just fine.
Okay, well that mentality could only get me so far in life. And I thoroughly apologize to anyone who may have recieved the wrong end of that from me. ...Sorry.
Starting college meant starting some grown up relationships... Well, as grown up as I could get, with Dalton refusing to speak to me for two days because I hit him on the leg. But I loved him. Finally, there was that fleeting feeling I had been yearning for, there was that something to live and die for, there was that something that drove me crazy.
Turns out, too crazy. Dalton wasn't grown up himself. But I learned, if you care about someone, even if there is temptation (drunken temptation, at that), you simply don't just make out with whomever you please. It's a simple enough lesson, lord knows why it took me so long to figure it out. And when I met Chris, I was so completely faithful. It was a testament to my growth in relationships. I mean, I know emotions, I know how to deal with people, and I've had my fair share of break ups, but I'd never really experienced monogamy. And I thought, "So? This is it? A clean conscience and a more grown up relationship?"
I realize why I had to change: in college, the stakes are WAY higher. You, most of the time, practically live with the person. He or she becomes more than just an "accessory," they're a real companion that go through so much of what you do. You have to really value this person to be able to go through all that. So that, to me, meant... time to grow up, Julie.
So after all this dumb break up shit I've been through recently, after the crying and the anger and the bitterness and the hope, and then repeating the cycle a few times... I consented to have dinner with a good friend of mine. At least, sometimes I consider him a good friend. He was also one of those casualities of my stance on relationships in high school. Who knows if it was a date? Who knows his real motives?
Who knows? He didn't show up. I totally understand now, but I was pretty pissed at the time. I went into my evening with a strike on the record thinking, "Wow, guys just don't seem to like me anymore." Of course, this was a jovial attitude that wasn't completely serious. In fact, I met two more guy friends at Common Grounds to hang out for a while. Uh... I should mention. Both of these guys were also casualities of mine.
Wherein, a short while later, I ran into Chris Jones... who, normally, is very excited to see his "Little Apple Blossom." He texts me at early hours, telling me we should get together, we should see each other, he misses me, etc. But get this: two strikes. I'm almost out! He ignores me! He gives me one glance and goes back to his texting! What?!
What have I, Julie Blankenship, done to make the men in my world treat me with such disdain?!
Ah, take a second look, Julie. The world is often tinted with one's own individual lenses... All in all, not really a big deal. But I think karma's coming back to get me. Two extremely disastrous relationships that have done anything but help my self esteem... yes, that's karma's way of saying, "Told you so..."
And karma's so not done yet. I can just tell. My next boyfriend is going to be either a druggie or cheat on me. A lot. Whoopie!!
God's telling me to stay away from men. I might listen.