remembering

[rezag]

My scars hurt for some reason every once in a while. And God, they are so ugly to look at. I have no idea how I was able to stop the bleeding. I think it's sort of a miracle. I literally just stabbed as hard as I could into my wrist. Everytime I look at them I'm reminded of it. So when they start hurting I'm constantly thinking about it. I don't

Comments

[pinkjammastar]

I do know how you feel, and I sure wish that I could help, but I'm going through the exact same thing right now myself. I visited Jake's grave for the first time, and after a while I allowed myself to get comfortable talking to him, and I felt good promising him that I'd be there every week and that we were always going to be together, in some way or another. But once I had decided that I wasn't going to kill myself, I've let myself have happy moments with my friends, and even when I'm having fun, Jake is always there somehow. I guess that I shouldn't feel bad about having fun and about wanting to meet new people and maybe even date, but it's hard because Jake is of course choice #1, and if there was any way that he could still physically be here and I could be with him, he'd be the one I wanted obviously. But since he's NOT physically here, I'm faced with all these emotions and the love that I still feel for him but also that horrible feeling of loneliness and wanting to be happy with someone. It's a hard hard thing, and I definitely wish you luck sorting out how you feel about it with all your confusion, because I sure wish I could figure out mine.