moving in, moving on... returning
.... I turned in my keys yesterday... I was excited to sleep-in this morning and drive straight 'home'. This is home now. It's really crazy and amazing at the same time. I did not think that I would ever be able to take this risk with anyone again. And I step lightly this time. We haven't committed to forever yet. It's good to make room for protections, emergencies, and stems breaking.
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I went to a funeral on Saturday. J2's babysitter of 74 years of age passed away. It was difficult, started crying as soon as I sat down. She raised so many children in her home and never stopped, never failed, was always there... and she was dirt cheap - treated your children like gold. Many of my co-workers were there because she cared for their children when they were younger, too (hey, we're the public interest attorneys, right). My boss's college-aged daughter was at the funeral. She clearly cried the entire time, as well. I don't know. It's hard to thank someone who made it seem so unnecessary. I don't know how to thank the many people who I've been able to trust with the life of my children without a second thought. And, the smile never faded from J2's face. Within the first week, she could tell he was a picky eater and knew exactly what he liked to eat, and you could tell she genuinely like him - spoiled him a bit - but really liked him. When she was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't know what to say, nobody did. Her daughters and grand-daughters became ever-present in the house. The daycare still ran smoothly. When she came out, she had the same bright smile. She made it seem like she'd never end, that it would never be too late.
But it was... on Friday, she was in the hospital. On Monday, she was in the hospital, and before I could pack up the neighbor and get to the hospital, the next morning, she was gone. And there I was on Saturday, broken-hearted and terribly thankful that someone so beautiful, peaceful, and giving had it in her to care for my son.
All week, I've been praising God for her - giving it back to the universe. I mean, sometimes we forget that we are raised in a certain spirit. That language is a code, but the spirit is universal. I won't ever let anyone take that away from me again, and I hope she hears it on her higher plane.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF87TPplBsM
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I went to a funeral on Saturday. J2's babysitter of 74 years of age passed away. It was difficult, started crying as soon as I sat down. She raised so many children in her home and never stopped, never failed, was always there... and she was dirt cheap - treated your children like gold. Many of my co-workers were there because she cared for their children when they were younger, too (hey, we're the public interest attorneys, right). My boss's college-aged daughter was at the funeral. She clearly cried the entire time, as well. I don't know. It's hard to thank someone who made it seem so unnecessary. I don't know how to thank the many people who I've been able to trust with the life of my children without a second thought. And, the smile never faded from J2's face. Within the first week, she could tell he was a picky eater and knew exactly what he liked to eat, and you could tell she genuinely like him - spoiled him a bit - but really liked him. When she was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't know what to say, nobody did. Her daughters and grand-daughters became ever-present in the house. The daycare still ran smoothly. When she came out, she had the same bright smile. She made it seem like she'd never end, that it would never be too late.
But it was... on Friday, she was in the hospital. On Monday, she was in the hospital, and before I could pack up the neighbor and get to the hospital, the next morning, she was gone. And there I was on Saturday, broken-hearted and terribly thankful that someone so beautiful, peaceful, and giving had it in her to care for my son.
All week, I've been praising God for her - giving it back to the universe. I mean, sometimes we forget that we are raised in a certain spirit. That language is a code, but the spirit is universal. I won't ever let anyone take that away from me again, and I hope she hears it on her higher plane.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF87TPplBsM