I have tv dreams too, usually about shows I rarely watch! I think your dream did a reasonable job trying to be funny. ;)
What follows I 100% blame on you:
To Maliciously Dance
Sarah and Daniel were celebrating an organized Valentine's Day together. Sarah had cooked a silky dinner and they ate up a tree by candlelight.
"My darling," Daniel said, stroking Sarah's spleen, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Sarah. "It is but a spicy token of my ugly love."
Sarah opened the box. Inside was a dramatic weed-whacker! She gazed at it darkly. Then she gazed at Daniel darkly. "It's juicy," Sarah said. "Come here and let me dance you."
Just then, a translucent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a spastic squirrel that is climbing up your leg, looking for a treat.. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a wet voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Daniel read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other sweatily as the crone cackled some more. Sarah's earlobe began to tremble. Then Daniel shrugged, pulled out an orchid, and hit the crone on her finger. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Sarah said and kissed Daniel cutely. "This is an over-rated Valentine's Day!"
They overtly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
Not before I get you again!placeboweekFebruary 3 2010, 20:13:59 UTC
The Ripe Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Irma and Tom went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Irma hit Tom in his eyelid with a big bald iceball. It hurt a lot, but Irma kissed it tastily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really smelly snow man!" Irma said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Tom said. "That would be more sensitive and politically correct."
"I know," Irma said. "We can make a snow gorilla. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up heavily and made a hairy snow gorilla. Irma put on a ramen noodle for the nostril. The gorilla was almost as big as Tom.
"It looks shiny," Irma said boringly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Tom said and held up an outrageous thermometer. "I found this under the sea." He put the thermometer onto the gorilla's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the gorilla, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a drunk weasel that has gotten into the bag of potato chips.
Tom screamed sweetly and ran but the snow gorilla chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow gorilla audited him nastily.
"Nobody does that to my little Tangy T-shirt," Irma screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow gorilla through the knee. It fell down and Irma kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Tom said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The thermometer lay in the yard until an underweight child picked it up and took it home.
What follows I 100% blame on you:
To Maliciously Dance
Sarah and Daniel were celebrating an organized Valentine's Day together. Sarah had cooked a silky dinner and they ate up a tree by candlelight.
"My darling," Daniel said, stroking Sarah's spleen, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Sarah. "It is but a spicy token of my ugly love."
Sarah opened the box. Inside was a dramatic weed-whacker! She gazed at it darkly. Then she gazed at Daniel darkly. "It's juicy," Sarah said. "Come here and let me dance you."
Just then, a translucent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a spastic squirrel that is climbing up your leg, looking for a treat.. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a wet voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Daniel read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other sweatily as the crone cackled some more. Sarah's earlobe began to tremble. Then Daniel shrugged, pulled out an orchid, and hit the crone on her finger. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Sarah said and kissed Daniel cutely. "This is an over-rated Valentine's Day!"
They overtly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they overate each other all night long.
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*Dies* OMG He stroked her spleeen! Wow. That is some cracktastic stuff there.
You know, the way Dark City works, they really could be.
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It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Irma and Tom went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Irma hit Tom in his eyelid with a big bald iceball. It hurt a lot, but Irma kissed it tastily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really smelly snow man!" Irma said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Tom said. "That would be more sensitive and politically correct."
"I know," Irma said. "We can make a snow gorilla. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up heavily and made a hairy snow gorilla. Irma put on a ramen noodle for the nostril. The gorilla was almost as big as Tom.
"It looks shiny," Irma said boringly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Tom said and held up an outrageous thermometer. "I found this under the sea." He put the thermometer onto the gorilla's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the gorilla, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a drunk weasel that has gotten into the bag of potato chips.
Tom screamed sweetly and ran but the snow gorilla chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow gorilla audited him nastily.
"Nobody does that to my little Tangy T-shirt," Irma screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow gorilla through the knee. It fell down and Irma kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Tom said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The thermometer lay in the yard until an underweight child picked it up and took it home.
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