Returning rain: Part 2.1 of 2
Title: Returning rain: Part 2-End.
Author: reyahh321
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Aiba-centric. Sakurai Sho x Aiba Masaki, Sakurai Sho x Matsumoto Jun, Ohno Satoshi x Ninomiya Kazunari (hint!)
Length: Multi-chaptered. (Short!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Arashi... It a back track of their life, specifically Aiba's... but I just made it up according to my imagination.
Summary: Aiba reminisces his love for someone. The dark sky and rain reminded him for it.
A/Notes: Hello, This is the last of the minichaptered fic. Hope you'd enjoyed reading this. Time and setting: Arashi's pre- and post-debut.
This fic is beta-ed only by me. Forgive me for any fail writings.
13 years ago…
I’m new here. I just entered Johnny’s, without knowing what this was all about. As I observed the room, I saw all the kids are trying to impress, to those guys who… what are they called? Dance Instructors?
Why did I join this place? Oh yeah, I wanted to see SMAP, with hopes of playing with them, and seeing them face to face.
I never knew that I audition to become an idol. Since I enjoy seeing people perform, whether it’s dancing or singing, I guess I’ll go for it.
It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?
But what should I do first? It’s been a week since I’ve joined, and I still don’t know anyone who’d make friends with me.
I noticed an empty corner at the side of the mirror wall.
I’ll just go and rest there for a while, I thought.
While walking towards that area, someone bumped at me, making me fall forward, with my face almost hitting the floor.
“Augh! ” I groaned. I sensed someone approached and helped me stand up. It was a short, pale guy with a visibly cute mole on his lower right chin.
“Oh my, are you okay? I’m so sorry… uh- your name please?”
“Ah, I guess I’m alright. It’s okay. I’m Aiba. Aiba Masaki. “
“Hi, I’m Nino. Ninomiya Kazunari. I’m sorry, for bumping you. We were practicing volleyball. I’m guessing you’re new here right?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Cool.” He said, giving me an interesting smile. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the others!”
“No, that’s okay. Sorry for interrupting your game.” I was shy, trying not to cause a scene.
I wonder how he’s able to talk to me so casually…
He suddenly grabbed my arm, and said, “No worries. I’ll introduce to you to my fellow junior friends here.”
I never thought friendship could start in that short accident.
“Hey, Aiba-chan! This pretty boy over here is Takizawa Hideaki… we call him Tackey. Next to him is Ikuta Toma, who loves to show off his wide grin… Matsumoto Jun here is the same age as me,” then he came close to my ear and whispered, “but he’s our elite junior here… so careful!” I replied with a nod. I know him. I met him during my audition and he was the first person to talk to me. He was kind enough to help me with dancing, but I never got to ask his name before.
“Behind Jun-kun is Ohno Satoshi, ‘My Oh-chan’. He’s our eldest junior who is with us for a while and keeps on picking his nose. Will you stop that?” Nino slapped immediately the silent guy’s hand. The guy just smiled and gave a nod.
“and…” He stopped. “wait. Where’s Sho?” He kept on jumping up and down, searching for this ‘Sho’ guy.
The not so chubby yet handsome little guy who helped me once before suddenly approached me. Jun was it?
“He went back to grab his stuff. He says he’s still got homework to do and he says he needs to finish it. Sho-kun is so cool. I’ve always admired him.”
I couldn’t help but grin when he suddenly showed his dreamy eyes, and flashed me his cute crooked teeth.
“Who’s Sho?” I asked.
Nino answered, “Sho, like Ohno-kun, is our older ‘senpai’ here. He came as a junior a year earlier than us, so he’s well known for balancing his studies, at the same time, working as a junior in Johnnys. I heard others say he’s studying hard for Keio university! Such a smart guy! He’s pretty short, almost the same height as Jun-kun here. Jun-kun admires him so much, that he proclaimed himself his first big fan.”
“I see. That’s cool. I hope I could see him too.”
“Yeah. So Aiba-chan, let’s all be friends, okay?” Nino smiled at me with a hand stretched out.
“Thank you Nino.” I took his hand and smiled back.
Nino is my first friend. I’m glad. Maybe he’ll eventually be my best friend.
I’ll look forward to what happens every day.
************************************************************
It’s been 2 months since I joined Johnnys. I didn’t expect that being a junior is fun, and I could get to enjoy and brag to my family that I could actually appear on television.
It’s fun, now that I have friends other than the ones I have in school. Nino and I became so close that we now even go home together, and we spend some time together with the other juniors I also met. The day after I met Ohno-kun, he left for a training in kyoto and said he would soon be busy performing until next year. Nino was sad, and I noticed it when Ohno told us about it before he left. I think Nino has a soft spot for Ohno-kun. I wish Ohno-kun could come back soon.
One day, the president told me that I could join Nino and the others as backup dancers for the upcoming concert of our senior idol group. I was so excited, for I never thought that only after two months, I would be performing in front of a huge crowd of audience, which was a first for me.
I was truly grateful for this. And because of this experience, I guess I realized, with no regrets…
Someday, I want to become a famous idol too.
While we were busy warming up for the concert rehearsal, I finally met Sakurai Sho.
“Sho-kun!” Nino, who sat beside me, shouted out and called him. The little, but handsome guy heard Nino, and he’s now walking towards our place.
“Welcome back! It’s been a while, ne, Sho-kun? How are you doing at school? You’ve been gone for almost 2 months! I thought you won’t ever come back” Nino said with a pout, his arms over Sakurai-san’s shoulder.
He tried to remove the arm clinging unto him and replied, “Nice to see you too, Nino. I was busy with the exams, and I needed time to focus on my studies. But I’m back, so quit whining.”
I laughed silently. He’s my senpai, but he doesn’t seem to look like one.
“Oh yeah, I wasn’t able to introduce you to this guy over here.” He pointed at me. “He’s Aiba-chan. He joined the jimusho two months ago.”
“My name is Aiba M-Masaki. N-Nice to meet you, Sho-chan. Iya, Sakurai-san.” I slipped.
Oh no. It’s Sakurai-san and not Sho-chan stupid. I’m so embarrassed.
I kept bowing down.
He was stunned for a second, then he flashed me a short smile, that I felt my heart thump for a second.
“uh, Aiba, right?” He scratched his head. “You can call me uhh, Sho-chan, I guess. I understand. It must be because you’re spending a lot of time with this brat over here. Just tell me if this guy becomes too much to handle, alright?”
“Yes. Thank you.” I said shyly. I could feel blood flowing beneath my cheeks.
Then Jun came out of nowhere and hugged him from behind. “Sho-kun! You’re back!”
Is it just me? I saw his shy smile when he heard Jun’s voice.
“Yeah, I am. Come on and let’s practice.” He left and went to their position.
I know their just friends, but I suddenly felt weird.
I wonder why.
The concert today went well. It was my first time, and I couldn’t help but get nervous. Luckily, I was able to back dance about 2-3 songs and finish it perfectly, at the same time enjoyed it. I sat down behind the stage, and watched the other older senpai’s back dance to more songs. While waiting, my eyes have somehow drifted to Sho’s area.
I smiled. He’s still on stage, dancing energetically.
I will work harder, just like him.
************************************************************
I am now sixteen years old, and I can’t believe time flies by so fast. I’ve become popular lately that I started to have fans. Yes, it’s been three years since I joined Johnny’s. Five days ago I was just simply playing basketball with the other juniors like me in Japan. Later, they called me for a recording or something and I started rehearsing for a certain performance.
So, what am I doing here in Hawaii?
Oh yeah. I was told by a certain manager that I would debut in a group called Arashi.
Arashi? really?
I’m astounded, because I’ve dreamed of becoming an Idol, but I was also confused. I couldn’t believe it all of a sudden. The manager told me I was the last one to join, and I don’t even know what the president was thinking of making me part of this new group.
I just flew here suddenly, and I haven’t told my parents about this yet.
Why me? Does the other juniors know? Is it alr-…
And then I stopped thinking, remembering yesterday, back when I was in Japan:
I opened the door of a room I was supposed to go. I saw four people waiting, looking back… eyes on me.
Jun is here. Good for him.
Nino’s here. This is great!
Ohno-kun? I’m happy that he’s back already~
and finally… Sakurai Sho.
It’s been a while since I last saw him. He’s also here. He’s grown taller, and he’s gotten more handsome now.
I closed the door behind me; walked slowly in front and told them, “Please take care of me.”
I realized, the moment I stepped inside that room, Arashi was finally born, and I need to work hard… because I need them, and I hope they need me… too.
************************************************************
Dramas. Concerts. Live performances. Recording. It was exhausting. I never thought how hard it is to become an Idol. But instead of complaining, I always think of the bright side of it.
I am blessed to have these four important people near me, for we work together, enjoy together and grow up together. Without them I wouldn’t be here.
Since we became Arashi, in an instant, we’ve all become closer.
When our group debuted, somehow, I became close with Sho-chan. Yeah, Sho-chan. I can confidently call him that, now we’re on the same group.
I still don’t know how it happened. Maybe because we’ve gotten to know each other lately or maybe we learned that we were born on the same year, and our age was close… that I was now able to talk casually with Sho-chan.
Sho-chan was my senpai for three years before our debut. Ever since I met him, I have been secretly admiring him, and though we are seen together in tv shows or concert stages, we don’t talk at all. It’s more like, I was not confident enough to talk to him because I’m just a mere junior.
But it came to a point that I realized that I don’t just admire him anymore. I came to fall for him.
************************************************************
We were busy practicing for our first ever concert. While I sat on a chair behind the stage waiting for my turn, I heard Sho’s footsteps and him panting, behind me.
Sho was late because today he had to finish his final exam.
I’m glad he made it.
I was startled when he suddenly evaded my personal space. He stopped, grabbed my shoulders from behind, as he tried to relax his breathing.
“Is it my turn yet?” He asked. I could hear his heavy breathing.
“No, not yet. Sit down first and I’ll go get you some water.” I stood up, made him sit, then turned around to get some water, but he suddenly pulled my hand, made me sit beside him.
“Can you just stay here for a minute? I’m tired.” He placed his head on my shoulder and felt him breathing, with his eyes closed.
I felt a tingle in my skin. And for a minute, just as he requested, I gave him my shoulder, and let him rest.
After a short while, I heard somebody shout,” Sho’s next! Enter in 30 seconds!”
Then suddenly, I felt the weight on my shoulders leave me, and he stood up.
“Thanks Aiba-chan.” Then he left and walked up the stage.
I took a peek behind the dark curtains, and when the music for his solo started playing, I saw him dance on stage.
I saw the tired guy, was gone in a flash… The eyes that were gentle a while ago, became extremely seductive. I just find it… find him hot. Later on, he turned around and I saw his gaze was within my direction.
Did he saw me looking at him? I thought, and tried to avoid eye contact by looking to my left, but then I realized, Jun was now beside me, waving at him… so I glanced back at Sho, seeing him smile so sweetly.
I looked down at my shoes to hide my embarrassment.
Then I halted. What is exactly happening to me?
I don’t like Sho-chan… or do I?
After that moment, I definitely became more cautious when Sho’s around.
Why? Well ever since that had happened, I’ve become weird. I’ve kept on noticing people around me being sweet and cuddly.
I grew up learning that guys should fall in love with girls and girls should fall in love with guys. period.
But then I’m a guy… why did I start to fall in love with a guy… too?
Maybe love can also exist between two men.
Like Ohno and Nino for example. I could see Nino spending a lot of time with Ohno now. I’m happy for Nino. I really am. Though we still go home together, when we’re at work or just inside the green room, I could see Nino always sticking like glue with Ohno. Ohno doesn’t mind, but I sometimes feel jealous of their closeness… which looks pretty intimidating, I think.
Then there’s Jun. He clings even more around Sho, and though I know they’re already close since junior years, I couldn’t help but feel gloomy, when they’re all doing together something, while I sit here near the mirror, pretending to read and just flipping the magazine in front of me.
I sighed. I think this is just me getting all weird.
I must ignore my feelings for him. I must.
*********************************************************
It’s been five years since that day, and I have met and have been dating some girls. They were all pretty, sweet and nice. I liked them, that is why I dated them. But I know that somewhere deep inside of me, my heart beats for someone else. And it still continues to throb… my unrequited love for Sho-chan.
It was three years ago when I started dating girls. I remember how, because of my selfishness of wanting to work much harder than the others, I got very sick that left a mark near my chest. Whenever I see it, it made me realized I was actually a weak person.
At that time, we were all tasked to level up in different ways. Sho decided to work on his rapping skills, Nino worked on his guitars, Ohno-kun did an acrobatic type of dance (capoeira was it?) and I remember Jun working on his pop dance.
I was in love with saxophone, but I guess it was never meant for me. I remember practicing so hard, because I want to show everyone I can do something beyond just being Aiba-chan. I wasn’t able to do it, and before I knew it, I failed... I became careless with my health and somehow, it felt like I was a burden to everyone, especially to the members.
But they still waited for me. I was in the hospital, and was unconscious for a day after my operation. As soon as I woke up, my parents were there, showed me my phone with lots of ‘get well soon’ message from the people close to me, as well as from the members.
Even though they told me it’s going to be fine or I shouldn’t worry, and that I was never a burden to them, it still hurts to remember how I made all the trouble and I can only repay them back by still being the same Aiba-chan they’ve always known.
I appreciated how Jun-kun, Nino and Ohno-kun visited me, but I still waited for one more person to show up… that person who I know could make me feel alright, both mind and body.
But he never came. I even asked my parents if he came by, but they said they didn’t see him. A message of “take care, and get well Aiba” was the only thing I got from him.
One day while I was still in the hospital bed, a former classmate of mine came by. After our few talks, she suddenly confessed to me. I guess with all the emotions building inside of my head, and without really thinking, I accepted her feelings.
Maybe I was too kind to reject her, that’s why I agreed. But then I thought, if my feelings for Sho won’t go away, maybe she could help me forget. Maybe I wanted to forget so badly all the things that just happened to me, and since she offered to stay by my side, I took that chance. But eventually, we soon broke up, I dated other women and my feelings for him never left my heart.
And it sucks to realize that ever since I came back for work, Jun and Sho were closer than ever before... and I never saw that coming because I was weak, stuck and confined in that damn hospital.
************************************************************We’ve just finished shooting the udauda yukata special for D no Arashi, our midnight show, and we are all waiting for our managers to signal us so we can now go home.
I don’t have new stories to share to the members right now, and since I just broke up with a girl I dated a month ago, I didn’t want them to talk about my break up. Well there’s not much to tell, but they seemed to understand and avoid the topic. But I guess the girls I’ve dated realized I’m not doing anything to make our relationship work… because I love someone else… who I think, does not (or maybe he does?) prefer men like me… at all.
So I’m sitting here again in front of the mirror, with a harmonica on hand. Behind me was a couch, where Ohno-kun sat down, with Nino’s head lying on his lap. Sitting in front of them was Jun-kun, who was busy talking about his next drama to him and Sho-chan. I think it was Hana Yori Dan-something. Danshi… Danjo? or was it Dango? So while waiting, I was engrossed with playing my harmonica, when I heard my phone beep a message.
I stopped playing and opened my phone. I recieved 1 new message. Then I gasped.
From: Sho-chan
To: Me
Aiba, can we talk later? in private? I’ll treat you for dinner.
Huh??
I took a glimpse at the mirror in front of me and saw Sho, who saw me staring at him shortly, then he glanced back to Riida, Nino and Jun who was still deeply conversing on something about hobbies on fishes and games, then going back talking about his drama.
I looked again at my phone. It’s really a message from him.
That was sudden. Oh God. What’s happening?
From: Me
To: Sho-chan
Ah, sure, I guess? I’ll see you at the restaurant next to this building.
I’ve sent my reply. Then the manager came and told us we can now go home. Next thing I knew, Sho stood up, took his bag, said his goodbyes and went ahead in a hurry. After a minute of fixing and preparing my things, I told Nino to go home first because I’ll be meeting someone. Nino took a glance at Ohno-kun whose eyes were fixed on him. I think Riida’s gaze tries to tell him something… But then Nino’s eyes went back to me and he gave a small nod. Without further explanation, I left the room, and went to our meeting place in a flash.
part 2.2 here.
************************************************************
Author: reyahh321
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Aiba-centric. Sakurai Sho x Aiba Masaki, Sakurai Sho x Matsumoto Jun, Ohno Satoshi x Ninomiya Kazunari (hint!)
Length: Multi-chaptered. (Short!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Arashi... It a back track of their life, specifically Aiba's... but I just made it up according to my imagination.
Summary: Aiba reminisces his love for someone. The dark sky and rain reminded him for it.
A/Notes: Hello, This is the last of the minichaptered fic. Hope you'd enjoyed reading this. Time and setting: Arashi's pre- and post-debut.
This fic is beta-ed only by me. Forgive me for any fail writings.
13 years ago…
I’m new here. I just entered Johnny’s, without knowing what this was all about. As I observed the room, I saw all the kids are trying to impress, to those guys who… what are they called? Dance Instructors?
Why did I join this place? Oh yeah, I wanted to see SMAP, with hopes of playing with them, and seeing them face to face.
I never knew that I audition to become an idol. Since I enjoy seeing people perform, whether it’s dancing or singing, I guess I’ll go for it.
It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?
But what should I do first? It’s been a week since I’ve joined, and I still don’t know anyone who’d make friends with me.
I noticed an empty corner at the side of the mirror wall.
I’ll just go and rest there for a while, I thought.
While walking towards that area, someone bumped at me, making me fall forward, with my face almost hitting the floor.
“Augh! ” I groaned. I sensed someone approached and helped me stand up. It was a short, pale guy with a visibly cute mole on his lower right chin.
“Oh my, are you okay? I’m so sorry… uh- your name please?”
“Ah, I guess I’m alright. It’s okay. I’m Aiba. Aiba Masaki. “
“Hi, I’m Nino. Ninomiya Kazunari. I’m sorry, for bumping you. We were practicing volleyball. I’m guessing you’re new here right?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Cool.” He said, giving me an interesting smile. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the others!”
“No, that’s okay. Sorry for interrupting your game.” I was shy, trying not to cause a scene.
I wonder how he’s able to talk to me so casually…
He suddenly grabbed my arm, and said, “No worries. I’ll introduce to you to my fellow junior friends here.”
I never thought friendship could start in that short accident.
“Hey, Aiba-chan! This pretty boy over here is Takizawa Hideaki… we call him Tackey. Next to him is Ikuta Toma, who loves to show off his wide grin… Matsumoto Jun here is the same age as me,” then he came close to my ear and whispered, “but he’s our elite junior here… so careful!” I replied with a nod. I know him. I met him during my audition and he was the first person to talk to me. He was kind enough to help me with dancing, but I never got to ask his name before.
“Behind Jun-kun is Ohno Satoshi, ‘My Oh-chan’. He’s our eldest junior who is with us for a while and keeps on picking his nose. Will you stop that?” Nino slapped immediately the silent guy’s hand. The guy just smiled and gave a nod.
“and…” He stopped. “wait. Where’s Sho?” He kept on jumping up and down, searching for this ‘Sho’ guy.
The not so chubby yet handsome little guy who helped me once before suddenly approached me. Jun was it?
“He went back to grab his stuff. He says he’s still got homework to do and he says he needs to finish it. Sho-kun is so cool. I’ve always admired him.”
I couldn’t help but grin when he suddenly showed his dreamy eyes, and flashed me his cute crooked teeth.
“Who’s Sho?” I asked.
Nino answered, “Sho, like Ohno-kun, is our older ‘senpai’ here. He came as a junior a year earlier than us, so he’s well known for balancing his studies, at the same time, working as a junior in Johnnys. I heard others say he’s studying hard for Keio university! Such a smart guy! He’s pretty short, almost the same height as Jun-kun here. Jun-kun admires him so much, that he proclaimed himself his first big fan.”
“I see. That’s cool. I hope I could see him too.”
“Yeah. So Aiba-chan, let’s all be friends, okay?” Nino smiled at me with a hand stretched out.
“Thank you Nino.” I took his hand and smiled back.
Nino is my first friend. I’m glad. Maybe he’ll eventually be my best friend.
I’ll look forward to what happens every day.
************************************************************
It’s been 2 months since I joined Johnnys. I didn’t expect that being a junior is fun, and I could get to enjoy and brag to my family that I could actually appear on television.
It’s fun, now that I have friends other than the ones I have in school. Nino and I became so close that we now even go home together, and we spend some time together with the other juniors I also met. The day after I met Ohno-kun, he left for a training in kyoto and said he would soon be busy performing until next year. Nino was sad, and I noticed it when Ohno told us about it before he left. I think Nino has a soft spot for Ohno-kun. I wish Ohno-kun could come back soon.
One day, the president told me that I could join Nino and the others as backup dancers for the upcoming concert of our senior idol group. I was so excited, for I never thought that only after two months, I would be performing in front of a huge crowd of audience, which was a first for me.
I was truly grateful for this. And because of this experience, I guess I realized, with no regrets…
Someday, I want to become a famous idol too.
While we were busy warming up for the concert rehearsal, I finally met Sakurai Sho.
“Sho-kun!” Nino, who sat beside me, shouted out and called him. The little, but handsome guy heard Nino, and he’s now walking towards our place.
“Welcome back! It’s been a while, ne, Sho-kun? How are you doing at school? You’ve been gone for almost 2 months! I thought you won’t ever come back” Nino said with a pout, his arms over Sakurai-san’s shoulder.
He tried to remove the arm clinging unto him and replied, “Nice to see you too, Nino. I was busy with the exams, and I needed time to focus on my studies. But I’m back, so quit whining.”
I laughed silently. He’s my senpai, but he doesn’t seem to look like one.
“Oh yeah, I wasn’t able to introduce you to this guy over here.” He pointed at me. “He’s Aiba-chan. He joined the jimusho two months ago.”
“My name is Aiba M-Masaki. N-Nice to meet you, Sho-chan. Iya, Sakurai-san.” I slipped.
Oh no. It’s Sakurai-san and not Sho-chan stupid. I’m so embarrassed.
I kept bowing down.
He was stunned for a second, then he flashed me a short smile, that I felt my heart thump for a second.
“uh, Aiba, right?” He scratched his head. “You can call me uhh, Sho-chan, I guess. I understand. It must be because you’re spending a lot of time with this brat over here. Just tell me if this guy becomes too much to handle, alright?”
“Yes. Thank you.” I said shyly. I could feel blood flowing beneath my cheeks.
Then Jun came out of nowhere and hugged him from behind. “Sho-kun! You’re back!”
Is it just me? I saw his shy smile when he heard Jun’s voice.
“Yeah, I am. Come on and let’s practice.” He left and went to their position.
I know their just friends, but I suddenly felt weird.
I wonder why.
The concert today went well. It was my first time, and I couldn’t help but get nervous. Luckily, I was able to back dance about 2-3 songs and finish it perfectly, at the same time enjoyed it. I sat down behind the stage, and watched the other older senpai’s back dance to more songs. While waiting, my eyes have somehow drifted to Sho’s area.
I smiled. He’s still on stage, dancing energetically.
I will work harder, just like him.
************************************************************
I am now sixteen years old, and I can’t believe time flies by so fast. I’ve become popular lately that I started to have fans. Yes, it’s been three years since I joined Johnny’s. Five days ago I was just simply playing basketball with the other juniors like me in Japan. Later, they called me for a recording or something and I started rehearsing for a certain performance.
So, what am I doing here in Hawaii?
Oh yeah. I was told by a certain manager that I would debut in a group called Arashi.
Arashi? really?
I’m astounded, because I’ve dreamed of becoming an Idol, but I was also confused. I couldn’t believe it all of a sudden. The manager told me I was the last one to join, and I don’t even know what the president was thinking of making me part of this new group.
I just flew here suddenly, and I haven’t told my parents about this yet.
Why me? Does the other juniors know? Is it alr-…
And then I stopped thinking, remembering yesterday, back when I was in Japan:
I opened the door of a room I was supposed to go. I saw four people waiting, looking back… eyes on me.
Jun is here. Good for him.
Nino’s here. This is great!
Ohno-kun? I’m happy that he’s back already~
and finally… Sakurai Sho.
It’s been a while since I last saw him. He’s also here. He’s grown taller, and he’s gotten more handsome now.
I closed the door behind me; walked slowly in front and told them, “Please take care of me.”
I realized, the moment I stepped inside that room, Arashi was finally born, and I need to work hard… because I need them, and I hope they need me… too.
************************************************************
Dramas. Concerts. Live performances. Recording. It was exhausting. I never thought how hard it is to become an Idol. But instead of complaining, I always think of the bright side of it.
I am blessed to have these four important people near me, for we work together, enjoy together and grow up together. Without them I wouldn’t be here.
Since we became Arashi, in an instant, we’ve all become closer.
When our group debuted, somehow, I became close with Sho-chan. Yeah, Sho-chan. I can confidently call him that, now we’re on the same group.
I still don’t know how it happened. Maybe because we’ve gotten to know each other lately or maybe we learned that we were born on the same year, and our age was close… that I was now able to talk casually with Sho-chan.
Sho-chan was my senpai for three years before our debut. Ever since I met him, I have been secretly admiring him, and though we are seen together in tv shows or concert stages, we don’t talk at all. It’s more like, I was not confident enough to talk to him because I’m just a mere junior.
But it came to a point that I realized that I don’t just admire him anymore. I came to fall for him.
************************************************************
We were busy practicing for our first ever concert. While I sat on a chair behind the stage waiting for my turn, I heard Sho’s footsteps and him panting, behind me.
Sho was late because today he had to finish his final exam.
I’m glad he made it.
I was startled when he suddenly evaded my personal space. He stopped, grabbed my shoulders from behind, as he tried to relax his breathing.
“Is it my turn yet?” He asked. I could hear his heavy breathing.
“No, not yet. Sit down first and I’ll go get you some water.” I stood up, made him sit, then turned around to get some water, but he suddenly pulled my hand, made me sit beside him.
“Can you just stay here for a minute? I’m tired.” He placed his head on my shoulder and felt him breathing, with his eyes closed.
I felt a tingle in my skin. And for a minute, just as he requested, I gave him my shoulder, and let him rest.
After a short while, I heard somebody shout,” Sho’s next! Enter in 30 seconds!”
Then suddenly, I felt the weight on my shoulders leave me, and he stood up.
“Thanks Aiba-chan.” Then he left and walked up the stage.
I took a peek behind the dark curtains, and when the music for his solo started playing, I saw him dance on stage.
I saw the tired guy, was gone in a flash… The eyes that were gentle a while ago, became extremely seductive. I just find it… find him hot. Later on, he turned around and I saw his gaze was within my direction.
Did he saw me looking at him? I thought, and tried to avoid eye contact by looking to my left, but then I realized, Jun was now beside me, waving at him… so I glanced back at Sho, seeing him smile so sweetly.
I looked down at my shoes to hide my embarrassment.
Then I halted. What is exactly happening to me?
I don’t like Sho-chan… or do I?
After that moment, I definitely became more cautious when Sho’s around.
Why? Well ever since that had happened, I’ve become weird. I’ve kept on noticing people around me being sweet and cuddly.
I grew up learning that guys should fall in love with girls and girls should fall in love with guys. period.
But then I’m a guy… why did I start to fall in love with a guy… too?
Maybe love can also exist between two men.
Like Ohno and Nino for example. I could see Nino spending a lot of time with Ohno now. I’m happy for Nino. I really am. Though we still go home together, when we’re at work or just inside the green room, I could see Nino always sticking like glue with Ohno. Ohno doesn’t mind, but I sometimes feel jealous of their closeness… which looks pretty intimidating, I think.
Then there’s Jun. He clings even more around Sho, and though I know they’re already close since junior years, I couldn’t help but feel gloomy, when they’re all doing together something, while I sit here near the mirror, pretending to read and just flipping the magazine in front of me.
I sighed. I think this is just me getting all weird.
I must ignore my feelings for him. I must.
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It’s been five years since that day, and I have met and have been dating some girls. They were all pretty, sweet and nice. I liked them, that is why I dated them. But I know that somewhere deep inside of me, my heart beats for someone else. And it still continues to throb… my unrequited love for Sho-chan.
It was three years ago when I started dating girls. I remember how, because of my selfishness of wanting to work much harder than the others, I got very sick that left a mark near my chest. Whenever I see it, it made me realized I was actually a weak person.
At that time, we were all tasked to level up in different ways. Sho decided to work on his rapping skills, Nino worked on his guitars, Ohno-kun did an acrobatic type of dance (capoeira was it?) and I remember Jun working on his pop dance.
I was in love with saxophone, but I guess it was never meant for me. I remember practicing so hard, because I want to show everyone I can do something beyond just being Aiba-chan. I wasn’t able to do it, and before I knew it, I failed... I became careless with my health and somehow, it felt like I was a burden to everyone, especially to the members.
But they still waited for me. I was in the hospital, and was unconscious for a day after my operation. As soon as I woke up, my parents were there, showed me my phone with lots of ‘get well soon’ message from the people close to me, as well as from the members.
Even though they told me it’s going to be fine or I shouldn’t worry, and that I was never a burden to them, it still hurts to remember how I made all the trouble and I can only repay them back by still being the same Aiba-chan they’ve always known.
I appreciated how Jun-kun, Nino and Ohno-kun visited me, but I still waited for one more person to show up… that person who I know could make me feel alright, both mind and body.
But he never came. I even asked my parents if he came by, but they said they didn’t see him. A message of “take care, and get well Aiba” was the only thing I got from him.
One day while I was still in the hospital bed, a former classmate of mine came by. After our few talks, she suddenly confessed to me. I guess with all the emotions building inside of my head, and without really thinking, I accepted her feelings.
Maybe I was too kind to reject her, that’s why I agreed. But then I thought, if my feelings for Sho won’t go away, maybe she could help me forget. Maybe I wanted to forget so badly all the things that just happened to me, and since she offered to stay by my side, I took that chance. But eventually, we soon broke up, I dated other women and my feelings for him never left my heart.
And it sucks to realize that ever since I came back for work, Jun and Sho were closer than ever before... and I never saw that coming because I was weak, stuck and confined in that damn hospital.
************************************************************We’ve just finished shooting the udauda yukata special for D no Arashi, our midnight show, and we are all waiting for our managers to signal us so we can now go home.
I don’t have new stories to share to the members right now, and since I just broke up with a girl I dated a month ago, I didn’t want them to talk about my break up. Well there’s not much to tell, but they seemed to understand and avoid the topic. But I guess the girls I’ve dated realized I’m not doing anything to make our relationship work… because I love someone else… who I think, does not (or maybe he does?) prefer men like me… at all.
So I’m sitting here again in front of the mirror, with a harmonica on hand. Behind me was a couch, where Ohno-kun sat down, with Nino’s head lying on his lap. Sitting in front of them was Jun-kun, who was busy talking about his next drama to him and Sho-chan. I think it was Hana Yori Dan-something. Danshi… Danjo? or was it Dango? So while waiting, I was engrossed with playing my harmonica, when I heard my phone beep a message.
I stopped playing and opened my phone. I recieved 1 new message. Then I gasped.
From: Sho-chan
To: Me
Aiba, can we talk later? in private? I’ll treat you for dinner.
Huh??
I took a glimpse at the mirror in front of me and saw Sho, who saw me staring at him shortly, then he glanced back to Riida, Nino and Jun who was still deeply conversing on something about hobbies on fishes and games, then going back talking about his drama.
I looked again at my phone. It’s really a message from him.
That was sudden. Oh God. What’s happening?
From: Me
To: Sho-chan
Ah, sure, I guess? I’ll see you at the restaurant next to this building.
I’ve sent my reply. Then the manager came and told us we can now go home. Next thing I knew, Sho stood up, took his bag, said his goodbyes and went ahead in a hurry. After a minute of fixing and preparing my things, I told Nino to go home first because I’ll be meeting someone. Nino took a glance at Ohno-kun whose eyes were fixed on him. I think Riida’s gaze tries to tell him something… But then Nino’s eyes went back to me and he gave a small nod. Without further explanation, I left the room, and went to our meeting place in a flash.
part 2.2 here.
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