international tug of war
we just had all the butlers over, so it was:
my dads brothers uncle mike and aunt martha, and uncle steve and aunt maxine.
mike and marthas sons michael, then matt and his wife stephanie and their 10 month old sam, and also my cousin nikki and her husband bryan and their two sons julian who is 3 an djack who is 1.
then my cousin tommy who is mike and marthas son, and his wife jennifer and their daughter brook who is 9 months old.
i got to play with the little babies and they were sooooooooooooo cute.
its weird, because bein ghome and seeing all my family, especially my sister and ryan, and then all my cousins and their little families, and then like ryans family (i saw them the other night), it makes me feel like regardless of where i actually want to live, that i should live here whenever im done travelling. but i dont know if thats exactly what i want. do you ever struggle with that? i think it would absolutely kill my mom if i lived somewhere far away forever. and i'd hate being so far away from my sister. but at what point do you sacrifice what you actually want for the needs/wants of others?
its not like i would be unhappy here, i really love north carolina, and as much shit as people give the USA, it is a really great country. there's a lot of really great places here. i was looking at my friends pictures today, and shes travelled all out west in the deserts and canyons, and shes also got pictures of alaska. i want to go to alaska so badly. so we dont have rainforests, but we have deserts, we have rocky mountains, smokey mountains, appalachian mountains, more that i cant think of, alaska and glaciers, nevada and the grand canyon, tropical islands off the coast of florida, bermuda off the coast of nc, more really tropical islands in hawaii with volcanoes and stuff, wilderness all throughout, bayous in the south... and thats just what i can think of right in this moment. theres a lifetime of travel and sightseeing just to be done here. not to say that the rest of the world doesnt merit a lot and have a lot more to see and do, but this is a really beautiful country. and people here, even though we get a bad rap, aren't as retarded as english people. well, i guess maybe americans are just retarded in a different way.
i guess its a tossup where to live. live here and be close to my family, be in a familiar environment, be able to raise hypothetical children with a really strong support network, and the schools in my area are pretty good, and very prestigious universities. there's a lot of opportunity here. as cheeseball and cliched as it sounds, the "american dream" really is a real thing. my dad never went to college. he worked in a textile mill while he was young (where his parents and everyone in the town worked) got drafted for vietnam young, used his VA (veterans administration) money to put himself through flight school while working the graveyard shift in a hotel, was a flight instructor / charter pilot for a while then worked for a construction company then started his own, had 3 companies at one point and now has merged them into one. same story with my grandparents, they grew up and worked on farms but worked their way through university, my grandmother became a teacher and my grandfather a CPA.
i know that you can do that in a lot of places. im sure people in england do it, im sure people in australia (especially, being a young country like america) do it. i feel like it really is a land of possibility. its a place that probably 95% of the time (because there are always exceptions), no matter who you are, if you put your mind to someone and work at it hard enough, you can accomplish it, be it starting a business or whatever. the ideals that america was founded on, i suppose. maybe thats really baloney and i'm just naive (i can never remember how to spell that word). i don't know.
then there's europe. growing up at the doorstep to countless cultures and languages, ridiculously rich history, take a train two hours and you're in a completely differnet world. i think children growing up in europe develop a much better sense of world consciousness than americans, since we're somewhat isolated. i mean, there's mexico and canada, but they barely count as different countries or cultures. (by the way, i noticed since ive been home that now every sign you see is in both english and spanish. before there were a lot, but now everywhere there are both. just found that interesting). but in europe i believe there's a heavier emphasis on learning other languages besides english. which i think is a really valuable thing.
sure as hell not living in england, and as much as i loved ireland i wouldnt want to live permanently there.
and then the holiday time is a big plus for europe. between holiday and sick days, rachel gets about 2 months paid per year. in america, you'relucky to get 2 weeks. unless you're really high up or you've worked somewhere for ages, no more than 2 weeks. as a receptionist in dublin, i started out getting 4 weeks a year. paid. one week for every 3 months you work. thats amazing! and more holiday each year makes travel more possible, especially to places that require long flights, like home.
ann, the lady in manchester, says you cant do something just for your family, you have to do what you want and what makes you happy.
but i don't really know what that is. i wonder if i can be happy knowing that ive caused so much stress on the rest of my family. i wonder if i can be happy living the rest of my life knowing that i didnt do what i really wanted to do. who's happiness is more important?
i know they understand why i want to travel, but i also feel like a shitty daughter and sister and granddaughter for not sticking around here, or coming back sooner.
i suppose when it comes down to it, either way i'll deal, and my family will deal, and we will learn to make it work.
of course my mother being a complete psychopath isnt giving life in the US any bonus points. maybe compromise and live in hawaii.
my dads brothers uncle mike and aunt martha, and uncle steve and aunt maxine.
mike and marthas sons michael, then matt and his wife stephanie and their 10 month old sam, and also my cousin nikki and her husband bryan and their two sons julian who is 3 an djack who is 1.
then my cousin tommy who is mike and marthas son, and his wife jennifer and their daughter brook who is 9 months old.
i got to play with the little babies and they were sooooooooooooo cute.
its weird, because bein ghome and seeing all my family, especially my sister and ryan, and then all my cousins and their little families, and then like ryans family (i saw them the other night), it makes me feel like regardless of where i actually want to live, that i should live here whenever im done travelling. but i dont know if thats exactly what i want. do you ever struggle with that? i think it would absolutely kill my mom if i lived somewhere far away forever. and i'd hate being so far away from my sister. but at what point do you sacrifice what you actually want for the needs/wants of others?
its not like i would be unhappy here, i really love north carolina, and as much shit as people give the USA, it is a really great country. there's a lot of really great places here. i was looking at my friends pictures today, and shes travelled all out west in the deserts and canyons, and shes also got pictures of alaska. i want to go to alaska so badly. so we dont have rainforests, but we have deserts, we have rocky mountains, smokey mountains, appalachian mountains, more that i cant think of, alaska and glaciers, nevada and the grand canyon, tropical islands off the coast of florida, bermuda off the coast of nc, more really tropical islands in hawaii with volcanoes and stuff, wilderness all throughout, bayous in the south... and thats just what i can think of right in this moment. theres a lifetime of travel and sightseeing just to be done here. not to say that the rest of the world doesnt merit a lot and have a lot more to see and do, but this is a really beautiful country. and people here, even though we get a bad rap, aren't as retarded as english people. well, i guess maybe americans are just retarded in a different way.
i guess its a tossup where to live. live here and be close to my family, be in a familiar environment, be able to raise hypothetical children with a really strong support network, and the schools in my area are pretty good, and very prestigious universities. there's a lot of opportunity here. as cheeseball and cliched as it sounds, the "american dream" really is a real thing. my dad never went to college. he worked in a textile mill while he was young (where his parents and everyone in the town worked) got drafted for vietnam young, used his VA (veterans administration) money to put himself through flight school while working the graveyard shift in a hotel, was a flight instructor / charter pilot for a while then worked for a construction company then started his own, had 3 companies at one point and now has merged them into one. same story with my grandparents, they grew up and worked on farms but worked their way through university, my grandmother became a teacher and my grandfather a CPA.
i know that you can do that in a lot of places. im sure people in england do it, im sure people in australia (especially, being a young country like america) do it. i feel like it really is a land of possibility. its a place that probably 95% of the time (because there are always exceptions), no matter who you are, if you put your mind to someone and work at it hard enough, you can accomplish it, be it starting a business or whatever. the ideals that america was founded on, i suppose. maybe thats really baloney and i'm just naive (i can never remember how to spell that word). i don't know.
then there's europe. growing up at the doorstep to countless cultures and languages, ridiculously rich history, take a train two hours and you're in a completely differnet world. i think children growing up in europe develop a much better sense of world consciousness than americans, since we're somewhat isolated. i mean, there's mexico and canada, but they barely count as different countries or cultures. (by the way, i noticed since ive been home that now every sign you see is in both english and spanish. before there were a lot, but now everywhere there are both. just found that interesting). but in europe i believe there's a heavier emphasis on learning other languages besides english. which i think is a really valuable thing.
sure as hell not living in england, and as much as i loved ireland i wouldnt want to live permanently there.
and then the holiday time is a big plus for europe. between holiday and sick days, rachel gets about 2 months paid per year. in america, you'relucky to get 2 weeks. unless you're really high up or you've worked somewhere for ages, no more than 2 weeks. as a receptionist in dublin, i started out getting 4 weeks a year. paid. one week for every 3 months you work. thats amazing! and more holiday each year makes travel more possible, especially to places that require long flights, like home.
ann, the lady in manchester, says you cant do something just for your family, you have to do what you want and what makes you happy.
but i don't really know what that is. i wonder if i can be happy knowing that ive caused so much stress on the rest of my family. i wonder if i can be happy living the rest of my life knowing that i didnt do what i really wanted to do. who's happiness is more important?
i know they understand why i want to travel, but i also feel like a shitty daughter and sister and granddaughter for not sticking around here, or coming back sooner.
i suppose when it comes down to it, either way i'll deal, and my family will deal, and we will learn to make it work.
of course my mother being a complete psychopath isnt giving life in the US any bonus points. maybe compromise and live in hawaii.