things that dont matter, they matter a lot
I don't get it. I'm always so bothered by insagnifigant things that shouldint matter.
I shouldint keep dwelling on the past.
And nobody seems to understand whatever's wrong... becuase it's always more than it seems. Sometimes I'll make up things for reasons why I'm down to people. I'll blame it on people that didint ever hurt me.
I'm really sorry for everything I've done.
All this time, I just wanted to have friends. I didin't want to be that kid nobody like anymore. I didin't want to be known as "that kid", I didin't want to be the kid nobody would want to sit next too.
Thats why I thought moving would make me happy. But everything I think will make me happy just hurts me. I've never actually talked about those days to anyone... every time I did, they don't understand, they think I'm exaggerating.
I had the greatest desire to have friends, to have people I could casually call up on the phone, to have people miss me and call me and talk to me and walk with me on their own without me making them. Without being annoying.
I craved acceptance... every person I met at Buchser I'd try so hard to get them too like me. I'd manipulate my opinions so they didin't think I was a dork. I tried so hard to make people think I was interesting and worth their time.
Every moment matters. Every glance, every word you say I cling on too... every minute that passes that you don't call. Everytime you dont sit next to me or talk to me or yell at me I remember it and make up witty, random, cool things in my head to say to you when you see me, so you'd think I was a cool, random, spontanius fun original person.
Every backstabbing, heartbreaking tear revolves around that circle. It never goes away. I see that Kid walking by himself. Nobody will talk to him... nobody would ever love him.
I was that kid.
I don't want to be known as that anymore. I wish I could have my childhood back but I can't. It's gone, it never was there.
I suck.
In elementry school every new year I'd love, another chance to redeem myself, to escape the hole, to not be alone, to have friends to talk to at recess and play and laugh with. And I would make a friend for a while. And they would talk to me and I would think everything was going to be different and things were going to change and all the people that ignored me would start to talk to me and like me. But then they would just leave me.
Theyd stop talking to me. Make new friends. forget about me. regret nothing.
and I would just watch them walk away. and I'd be standing there, alone. Nobody to talk too, nobody to complain too, nobody at all.
There simply was no reason to keep on going.
And I don't know how I ever got through...
but I don't want that too ever happen again.
please?
I shouldint keep dwelling on the past.
And nobody seems to understand whatever's wrong... becuase it's always more than it seems. Sometimes I'll make up things for reasons why I'm down to people. I'll blame it on people that didint ever hurt me.
I'm really sorry for everything I've done.
All this time, I just wanted to have friends. I didin't want to be that kid nobody like anymore. I didin't want to be known as "that kid", I didin't want to be the kid nobody would want to sit next too.
Thats why I thought moving would make me happy. But everything I think will make me happy just hurts me. I've never actually talked about those days to anyone... every time I did, they don't understand, they think I'm exaggerating.
I had the greatest desire to have friends, to have people I could casually call up on the phone, to have people miss me and call me and talk to me and walk with me on their own without me making them. Without being annoying.
I craved acceptance... every person I met at Buchser I'd try so hard to get them too like me. I'd manipulate my opinions so they didin't think I was a dork. I tried so hard to make people think I was interesting and worth their time.
Every moment matters. Every glance, every word you say I cling on too... every minute that passes that you don't call. Everytime you dont sit next to me or talk to me or yell at me I remember it and make up witty, random, cool things in my head to say to you when you see me, so you'd think I was a cool, random, spontanius fun original person.
Every backstabbing, heartbreaking tear revolves around that circle. It never goes away. I see that Kid walking by himself. Nobody will talk to him... nobody would ever love him.
I was that kid.
I don't want to be known as that anymore. I wish I could have my childhood back but I can't. It's gone, it never was there.
I suck.
In elementry school every new year I'd love, another chance to redeem myself, to escape the hole, to not be alone, to have friends to talk to at recess and play and laugh with. And I would make a friend for a while. And they would talk to me and I would think everything was going to be different and things were going to change and all the people that ignored me would start to talk to me and like me. But then they would just leave me.
Theyd stop talking to me. Make new friends. forget about me. regret nothing.
and I would just watch them walk away. and I'd be standing there, alone. Nobody to talk too, nobody to complain too, nobody at all.
There simply was no reason to keep on going.
And I don't know how I ever got through...
but I don't want that too ever happen again.
please?