sick and depressed
This cold won't GO AWAY. If it's not one thing that's wrong, it's another. And I was pretty much vomiting for an hour or so last night, that was SO GREAT.
Before that, though, I was incredibly depressed. It was a horrible day. Not work, but when I was on the bus. You know that heavy, sinking feeling you get that's says you're tired? Yeah, I got that, and intense emo followed like an alcoholic shooter.
*retches a bit*
Yeah, I was just...I dunno, I haven't done shit with my art in months. I never improve because I always end up doing the same thing because I'm scared for some reason (and doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results means I'm INSANE). It seems like everybody else can, I just can't. Jesus, I keep doodling FACES and STRAIGHT LINES. I do them over and over and I still don't get those right, either, and I've got a lot more to do. My brother emailed my mom some of his art last night--okay, one piece didn't impress me, but the others were cute. Guh. Even he's more awesome. Well I admit that, now.
So, yeah...just haven't been feeling too hot.
Man, I've been meaning to ask this, but...meh. DA forums are mean and I'd rather not go there: how do you study art? I feel like it's different from studying anything else. I can't explain it, it just feels like I'm not able to do it.
I also have this irrational belief that I can't do art because I'm too fat to do it. I know it's ridiculous. I know of lots of artists that are great at it and are fat. But I always reply in my head "Not as fat as me," and don't learn at all. That's my reply to EVERYTHING, I think. I'm, like, the queen of negative rationalizations.
Jesus, I'm dumb, I know. and I'm emoing rather than doing, I know.
Honestly, it started with thinking about this, I believe. I'm, like, insanely jealous of the two of them, -Patches- and Neolucky. Not just because of their talent (because they aren't without their problems. I'm just not good enough to see them), but because they don't take months and months to do gift art for one another, and it's GOOD. People like it, too, which is a bonus. I imagine it takes two days at their very worst and not working on it all day like some people. That's what I wanna do. Be able to draw gifts or funny sketch things in a timely manner. That's all. I don't have to be Internet famous. I can hardly talk to four people on AIM, for god's sake. And that's if three aren't being very active.
I'm just a big, fat ball of jealous.
Envy. Yes, envy. I don't feel ill will towards them. If they're happy, fine. I'm only talking about myself, here.
Bah. That's all.
Before that, though, I was incredibly depressed. It was a horrible day. Not work, but when I was on the bus. You know that heavy, sinking feeling you get that's says you're tired? Yeah, I got that, and intense emo followed like an alcoholic shooter.
*retches a bit*
Yeah, I was just...I dunno, I haven't done shit with my art in months. I never improve because I always end up doing the same thing because I'm scared for some reason (and doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results means I'm INSANE). It seems like everybody else can, I just can't. Jesus, I keep doodling FACES and STRAIGHT LINES. I do them over and over and I still don't get those right, either, and I've got a lot more to do. My brother emailed my mom some of his art last night--okay, one piece didn't impress me, but the others were cute. Guh. Even he's more awesome. Well I admit that, now.
So, yeah...just haven't been feeling too hot.
Man, I've been meaning to ask this, but...meh. DA forums are mean and I'd rather not go there: how do you study art? I feel like it's different from studying anything else. I can't explain it, it just feels like I'm not able to do it.
I also have this irrational belief that I can't do art because I'm too fat to do it. I know it's ridiculous. I know of lots of artists that are great at it and are fat. But I always reply in my head "Not as fat as me," and don't learn at all. That's my reply to EVERYTHING, I think. I'm, like, the queen of negative rationalizations.
Jesus, I'm dumb, I know. and I'm emoing rather than doing, I know.
Honestly, it started with thinking about this, I believe. I'm, like, insanely jealous of the two of them, -Patches- and Neolucky. Not just because of their talent (because they aren't without their problems. I'm just not good enough to see them), but because they don't take months and months to do gift art for one another, and it's GOOD. People like it, too, which is a bonus. I imagine it takes two days at their very worst and not working on it all day like some people. That's what I wanna do. Be able to draw gifts or funny sketch things in a timely manner. That's all. I don't have to be Internet famous. I can hardly talk to four people on AIM, for god's sake. And that's if three aren't being very active.
I'm just a big, fat ball of jealous.
Envy. Yes, envy. I don't feel ill will towards them. If they're happy, fine. I'm only talking about myself, here.
Bah. That's all.