(no subject)
I haven't cut for a Really REALLY long time.
I am currently faced with a situation where I may end up with no where to live.
This all depends on other peoples decisions (ie: my mom, the boyfriend, the friend)
My current job is seasonal. how much work I get depends on how well my home team does in the NHL. My home team did not make it into the playoffs this year so I have practly no work right now (6 shifts from now to september) I have difficulty getting work because I dye my hair and have piercings (I got this job because I wear a wig) The only jobs I can get are either night shift, call centers or stock monkey jobs. I am sick and tired of working nightshifts and weekends only. I never saw any of my friends when I worked my last job and it drove me insane. Then I finaly get a break by snatching this job only to have it fall out from under me.
Sure I could take out my piercings and just wear the wig all the time or better yet grow my hair out. But fuck that. I feel fucking special with my hair and piercings. These non mod friendly people are just a bunch of corprate jackasses with sticks up there cunts who make up stupid ass rules about this and force all of their stores to conform to them because they "think" that it offends customers or is unprofesinal.
Because of all this there is no way RIGHT NOW that I could live on my own. My boyfriend wants to move to BC but isn't sure he will have everything together in time for when my mom moves out of our place (which just sold today) My mothers boyfriend (who is the reason my mother is selling the place) is being such a jack ass to me and her and I think she is making a huge mistake.
So with all this going on I have been super upset and crying alot and all I can think about is cutting. I have fought it off every time the thought has come to me (which is a friggin lot) and I just let myself sit and be depressed or angry or whatever untill I either get over it or I go to sleep. But right now I am so tired of fighting it. I just wanna give in and feel that little bit of relaxation again. That feeling of "I'm the mother fucker who is in charge right now not you basterds!" I've also tried replaceing the feeling by getting drunk a few times but I never seem to get drunk enough (alochol is expensive ya know and taste kinda gross after a while) I'm just sick of it all and all I fucking want is my litte "treat" my exscape my fucking specail thing that no one else can give to me or take away. I fucking WANT IT!
I am currently faced with a situation where I may end up with no where to live.
This all depends on other peoples decisions (ie: my mom, the boyfriend, the friend)
My current job is seasonal. how much work I get depends on how well my home team does in the NHL. My home team did not make it into the playoffs this year so I have practly no work right now (6 shifts from now to september) I have difficulty getting work because I dye my hair and have piercings (I got this job because I wear a wig) The only jobs I can get are either night shift, call centers or stock monkey jobs. I am sick and tired of working nightshifts and weekends only. I never saw any of my friends when I worked my last job and it drove me insane. Then I finaly get a break by snatching this job only to have it fall out from under me.
Sure I could take out my piercings and just wear the wig all the time or better yet grow my hair out. But fuck that. I feel fucking special with my hair and piercings. These non mod friendly people are just a bunch of corprate jackasses with sticks up there cunts who make up stupid ass rules about this and force all of their stores to conform to them because they "think" that it offends customers or is unprofesinal.
Because of all this there is no way RIGHT NOW that I could live on my own. My boyfriend wants to move to BC but isn't sure he will have everything together in time for when my mom moves out of our place (which just sold today) My mothers boyfriend (who is the reason my mother is selling the place) is being such a jack ass to me and her and I think she is making a huge mistake.
So with all this going on I have been super upset and crying alot and all I can think about is cutting. I have fought it off every time the thought has come to me (which is a friggin lot) and I just let myself sit and be depressed or angry or whatever untill I either get over it or I go to sleep. But right now I am so tired of fighting it. I just wanna give in and feel that little bit of relaxation again. That feeling of "I'm the mother fucker who is in charge right now not you basterds!" I've also tried replaceing the feeling by getting drunk a few times but I never seem to get drunk enough (alochol is expensive ya know and taste kinda gross after a while) I'm just sick of it all and all I fucking want is my litte "treat" my exscape my fucking specail thing that no one else can give to me or take away. I fucking WANT IT!