"you helped me forget about the broken piece of flesh that hangs between my ribs" - the vacancy
it really seems like my depression is just seasonal. this is both good and bad. it's good because i wont be depressed all yer round. it's bad because i spent the entire begining of my relationship with kristi in a pissy mood.
wednesday night or thursday morning it just really kicked in how great kristi is and it's like i just started feeling what it's like to be in love with someone again. due to my all around shitty attitude it took me this long(almost 4 months) to really accept it. i've still have to get my self to stop catagorizing everyone and understand that most people are different... ok so just a few people are different from the mass of filth, gluttony, greed, and stupidity that is humanity. so over all kristi is different. i've always known she wouldnt cheat on me and probly wouldnt dump me--now i'm sure she wont after sticking with me through the past few months. i just kinda needed to get over and still need to finish getting over my subconcious sexism left with me by my previous relationship.
after some thinking it just seems like the only reason i was as into sara as much as i was is that she was my first and only example of a girlfriend. since it took me so long to get one i longed for a relationship more and basically gained very high expectations as to what a relationship basically was. through this i set myself up for what happened. whe sara came along it seemed like a dream come true and she gained my complete devotion without even earning it. after a year of my understanding of love being destroyed it seems like i had given up on it. when kristi came along i swore to myself i would put forth my best effort and not just give up and leave like i had previously when i was with mandie. after the first few weeks of our relatinship i started feeling guilty. her feelings for me were growing while it seemed as though i was falling behind. there have been several times when i've wanted to call it quits on this relationship but i've known from the start that kristi is something special and have stuck with it because of that. i'm sorry it's taken me this long to truly start treating her the way i should.
it took years of preparation to fall in love with sara, long before i even knew she existed. after that was destroyed it's taken kristi a matter of months to rebuild. i've actually fallen in love with kristi not just the thought of someone.
...if any of that makes any sense in any way at all
wednesday night or thursday morning it just really kicked in how great kristi is and it's like i just started feeling what it's like to be in love with someone again. due to my all around shitty attitude it took me this long(almost 4 months) to really accept it. i've still have to get my self to stop catagorizing everyone and understand that most people are different... ok so just a few people are different from the mass of filth, gluttony, greed, and stupidity that is humanity. so over all kristi is different. i've always known she wouldnt cheat on me and probly wouldnt dump me--now i'm sure she wont after sticking with me through the past few months. i just kinda needed to get over and still need to finish getting over my subconcious sexism left with me by my previous relationship.
after some thinking it just seems like the only reason i was as into sara as much as i was is that she was my first and only example of a girlfriend. since it took me so long to get one i longed for a relationship more and basically gained very high expectations as to what a relationship basically was. through this i set myself up for what happened. whe sara came along it seemed like a dream come true and she gained my complete devotion without even earning it. after a year of my understanding of love being destroyed it seems like i had given up on it. when kristi came along i swore to myself i would put forth my best effort and not just give up and leave like i had previously when i was with mandie. after the first few weeks of our relatinship i started feeling guilty. her feelings for me were growing while it seemed as though i was falling behind. there have been several times when i've wanted to call it quits on this relationship but i've known from the start that kristi is something special and have stuck with it because of that. i'm sorry it's taken me this long to truly start treating her the way i should.
it took years of preparation to fall in love with sara, long before i even knew she existed. after that was destroyed it's taken kristi a matter of months to rebuild. i've actually fallen in love with kristi not just the thought of someone.
...if any of that makes any sense in any way at all