(no subject)
So. The big question I'm asking myself is this: Am I okay?
And the answer is, maybe. At this very moment, yes. I've figured out that whatever this is, it's like a swimmer's hair in water... if I keep moving, it stays behind me. It's there, but it's not drowning me. So I just won't stop.
You know better than anyone what I've had to put up with from you. You've lied to me (forgiven), used me (accepted), and now this. See, I know I mostly did it to myself. Fool me twice, right? I have no backbone, either because I was born without one or because I'm so tired I just can't hold myself up anymore. I don't learn from my mistakes, because no matter how many times people cross my line I keep letting them.
Thing is, it's not even that hard. All I've ever asked of you is that you follow the basic moral codes that come along with being a person. Not even. I let you use me, on the one very obvious condition that you didn't hurt me, and I made it easy by not having feelings for you. I never asked you to make me trust you. That was your choice, and you crossed the line when you decided that wasn't what you wanted after all. I can't believe you were that short-sighted. I don't care what your intentions were: that's downright cruel.
And you know how much time you gave me? You know how much time I was worth to you? Two days. Less than that, but I'll round up to spare myself from having to add up the actual hours and from having to actually ask you when you were and weren't faking it. Two days, and then a few more for the time it took for you to decide that the "spark wasn't there" after all. (Which I think is bullshit, because your decision was obviously influenced by how you felt on the days when you didn't see me.) What are you waiting for, anyway?
I can handle a lot of shit, but what I have never been prepared for is being important one minute and not enough the next. That's why I said the major difference between you and Ryan is guilt... you said you're not him, but you are him, with a conscience. He did the same thing you did to me, on a much larger scale. I'm interested to see how far the parallels go, actually. You've been doing a fabulous impression of him so far.
I've said that you've used me at least twice now. I want to address something before you even think that that's not true... Actions speak louder than words. I don't care what baggage you have on you or that people aren't perfect. If I think about everything you've done with the sound off, it's unforgivable, regardless. That is why I have disabled the comments on this post, because I really don't want more of your easy words.
So that's it. That's all I have to say. If this post is no longer available you can consider everything taken back, but for now I want you to read this. I do and don't want you to talk to me. Mostly I do, but I can't until I no longer want to kill you. Call me then? I told you I'd pick up.
And the answer is, maybe. At this very moment, yes. I've figured out that whatever this is, it's like a swimmer's hair in water... if I keep moving, it stays behind me. It's there, but it's not drowning me. So I just won't stop.
You know better than anyone what I've had to put up with from you. You've lied to me (forgiven), used me (accepted), and now this. See, I know I mostly did it to myself. Fool me twice, right? I have no backbone, either because I was born without one or because I'm so tired I just can't hold myself up anymore. I don't learn from my mistakes, because no matter how many times people cross my line I keep letting them.
Thing is, it's not even that hard. All I've ever asked of you is that you follow the basic moral codes that come along with being a person. Not even. I let you use me, on the one very obvious condition that you didn't hurt me, and I made it easy by not having feelings for you. I never asked you to make me trust you. That was your choice, and you crossed the line when you decided that wasn't what you wanted after all. I can't believe you were that short-sighted. I don't care what your intentions were: that's downright cruel.
And you know how much time you gave me? You know how much time I was worth to you? Two days. Less than that, but I'll round up to spare myself from having to add up the actual hours and from having to actually ask you when you were and weren't faking it. Two days, and then a few more for the time it took for you to decide that the "spark wasn't there" after all. (Which I think is bullshit, because your decision was obviously influenced by how you felt on the days when you didn't see me.) What are you waiting for, anyway?
I can handle a lot of shit, but what I have never been prepared for is being important one minute and not enough the next. That's why I said the major difference between you and Ryan is guilt... you said you're not him, but you are him, with a conscience. He did the same thing you did to me, on a much larger scale. I'm interested to see how far the parallels go, actually. You've been doing a fabulous impression of him so far.
I've said that you've used me at least twice now. I want to address something before you even think that that's not true... Actions speak louder than words. I don't care what baggage you have on you or that people aren't perfect. If I think about everything you've done with the sound off, it's unforgivable, regardless. That is why I have disabled the comments on this post, because I really don't want more of your easy words.
So that's it. That's all I have to say. If this post is no longer available you can consider everything taken back, but for now I want you to read this. I do and don't want you to talk to me. Mostly I do, but I can't until I no longer want to kill you. Call me then? I told you I'd pick up.