zen.
I am so bored in my life (besides my daughter of course) that I am focusing on...rather obsessing on things that are not happening....things that probably will never happen....because that part of what my life used to be like....those types of things that could happen to me...can't happen to the new me.
I'll sit around here obsessing over things that I read about or imagine.......but sit around non the less.
I'm turning 26 and I feel like i'm turning 66. I am so bored and so ready for a change in my life right now.
I set that up for myself not long ago and it didn't turn out so good....I ended up loosing a baby because all of it.
Now,look what I want. Something more again. No path seems to be a good path for me right now.
I'm sinking in a black shiny hole...slippery sides and rough patches all the way down,down,down...to the center of it all......
I thought my new found friend would bring changes to my life....and a new horizon....now I'm starting to see that she has her own life...and her own friends and duties and i'm not really going to be a part of it....not because she doesn't want me to be but because she just isn't equipt for me to be.
I'm relying on a bridge to cross....when I need to be making my own....but how can a women like me make her own? I honostly can't. I mean, I think i CAN do anything....I just know I can't in these situations......I have to have a bridge...a path....something laid out before me....maybe it is more like a ladder...something to climb...that sounds like i'm a user...haha,but that isn't what I mean. Two things with a huge body of water between them need a common ground, a connector of some sort. a bridge,ladder,boat ride even....just something to be able to come together.
I can see it in my future...but how do I GET there......i guess i can only be patient and time will only tell......
Unhealthy obsession is beginning.....
I'll sit around here obsessing over things that I read about or imagine.......but sit around non the less.
I'm turning 26 and I feel like i'm turning 66. I am so bored and so ready for a change in my life right now.
I set that up for myself not long ago and it didn't turn out so good....I ended up loosing a baby because all of it.
Now,look what I want. Something more again. No path seems to be a good path for me right now.
I'm sinking in a black shiny hole...slippery sides and rough patches all the way down,down,down...to the center of it all......
I thought my new found friend would bring changes to my life....and a new horizon....now I'm starting to see that she has her own life...and her own friends and duties and i'm not really going to be a part of it....not because she doesn't want me to be but because she just isn't equipt for me to be.
I'm relying on a bridge to cross....when I need to be making my own....but how can a women like me make her own? I honostly can't. I mean, I think i CAN do anything....I just know I can't in these situations......I have to have a bridge...a path....something laid out before me....maybe it is more like a ladder...something to climb...that sounds like i'm a user...haha,but that isn't what I mean. Two things with a huge body of water between them need a common ground, a connector of some sort. a bridge,ladder,boat ride even....just something to be able to come together.
I can see it in my future...but how do I GET there......i guess i can only be patient and time will only tell......
Unhealthy obsession is beginning.....