Build a Bridge
Make a path, overlook the aftermath...
Make my tears be your bath
If there's a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side...
Fred Durst, you are a lyricist.
I feel like quoting Limp Bizkit tonight folks.
So... why do I keep finding myself in the same predicament?
Even though it's gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even though it's gonna fall apart, break my heart
I'll keep building 'till i die
Build a bridge of memories
Stretch it out overseas
To the end of the world
If there's a way
Build a bridge made of pain
Send my longing down the drain
Have no reasons to complain...
(I love this song, it's amazing, a very loving song really, but depends on who is listening to it, is it creepy? or loving? I think people are just assholes and call nice people creeps...)
I feel like I'm in this bridge building situation, but it exists only in my mind I think... not in reality. I have a fantastic mind, that creates these amazing romantic fantasies that are not real. I should write books to expel these unrealistic cinematic visions that I have, I should make movies... instead I live anticipating these things, these situations to happen that just don't or won't... I horribly misread everything, which is why I always need to talk about everything because I just go off on tangents in my own mind, ruining the reality of a situation, blowing some things out of proportion in a hopeless (I originally wrote hopeful, lol) romanticistic (not a word) way.
If you listen to all these romantic songs... like Wonderful Tonight (fuck you Clapton...)... but uh... if you listen to these songs... how many of them are really from real situations or experiences? Maybe I should start writing songs to expel these thoughts, make the girls weep, sharing the romantic vision... I think it's cheesy and cheap to write a song directly about or to a girl, or to tell her that, unless you're Beethoven (fur Elise... supposed to be Fur Therese somebody fucked up when transcribing his handwriting... I bet the same thing will happen to me someday if I somehow magically become a prolific musician or writer... or if just one person cares, and happens to find the little notebook thing I write all these rants and thoughts in...) It's cheap, because the guys who do things like that, are doucebags, why? because the people who really care, or really like somebody usually don't boldly put forth their true emotions directly to the person... Probably because girls or young girls take things at surface value... but it's not just that, it's because they obviously don't know when the person never tells them, which seems kind of creepy in a way, but it's not creepy in cases like Beethoven's because he truely loved this Therese lady.
Beethoven was going to kill himself at some point. The manuscripts for Fur Elise were found after Therese's death, so she never even knew that one of the greatest classical pieces was dedicated to her.
Dear God,
... WHAT THE FUCK!?...
... ... song called... The Things We Did Last Summer... a Yehudi Menuhin, Stéphane Grappelli song... honestly... insane... iTunes shuffle feature is stocking me. I swear, I don't need to describe my emotions, or what I'm feeling, I'll just let the shuffle do that talking.. Last summer was 2006, after my graduating year... wow, that was a whole year ago, seems so long ago. I feel like I've been out of high school for 15 years. Cereally though, stop speaking my mind iTunes, I think I've channeled into iTunes in some bullshit ESP sort of way.
I don't even know where I'm going with this other than, of all the new girls I found this semester, I find myself falling into a hole that I had already found my way out of a long time ago... (possibly I left this imaginary, poetic, hole empty and should have filled it before trying to walk away, which is possibly why, in this landscape of my mind, I've come back to this hole... In the landscape of my mind, I still can't seem to walk away from a particular hole, so is it a hole? I just filled one not that long ago, and that one is done, so why this one? yep, artists (even bad ones... lol) use lies to tell the truth.)
I kinda like two, one from the painting class, but it's just attraction really, though she seems to have a great personality, I think she gets nervous when I walk into their class, lol, like in a, she has a crush on me sort of way...
and the other is csp ladygirl... yet, I just don't feel much between us? ... something along those lines... Maybe I should ask her out to ice skating sometime over Winter break. I just know that if we were to say, date... it would only be a surface thing, though I like her, and she's cute, I just feel like it would end up being one of those long relationships because you really like the person, and don't want to hurt them, but you don't reaaaaaallly love them to the deepest sense of the word, the way that Khalil Gibran wrote, I think that would be one of the relationships you would end up having to end and feel that heartbreak, be shaken up after, before you really get an idea as what love is... The way Khalil describes it (and maybe he's right maybe he's wrong...) but the way he describes it, you really need to experience a lot of heartbreak, you need to be a stone that is chipped away at until you truly find yourself and know what you truly love, not the puppy love bullshit, before you can find your true love... otherwise...
You don't know what love is... you just do as you're told, just as a child of ten might act, but you're far too old...
To me, that's what those situations are, because you know you like the person, and you would be in a relationship with them, just you would only be in it for the fun, but not really recognize it as that, because on the surface you know but don't acknowledge that things might only be for fun or attraction, a shallow 'love' in a way. I guess... so it would serve it's purpose, to be fun, so remember the good times? But then how would one end a relationship on that level, after a long time, because you wouldn't necessarily have a socially acceptable reason, because you can't tell the other person, I never really loved you, I just wanted to have fun (though that I think is what happened to me over the summer...)
I think over the past year or so, I've become a lot more understanding and reasonable, though I don't like to be reasonable all the time, and allow myself to have these hopeless romantic visions, and I become emotional like this... something like that.
(I love Huxley, I'm going to start writing books like he did, that were just observational / from experience. Books that just try to find the deeper meaning of things... analytical in a sense... I think that's all my life's purpose is... is to try to understand things, so I might as well see if other's want to see things the way I do... there's no right or wrong in anything... so why not?)
I've realized or believe that people see me as this obsessive creepy kind of guy, and all that bullshit, but I'm not, people just don't understand me, and that pisses me off, (when somebody like Mel pretty much called me a creep because I thought she fucking cared, and she started all the bullshit and drama between us, as if there even was any, and yet, somehow she acted like I was a horrible lowlife creep, though I think it's the other way around... it's kinda like, what are you gonna' do when the bad guy points the finger at you? who is the bad guy, at times I wonder... in that case it certainly was not me.) I just really like to try to figure everything out, my mind processes so many thoughts at once sometimes. I used to possibly be obsessive, probably because I don't ... people don't accept it... (... a combo of the two...) ... when you cut to the point or accept it when you are analytical to such an intensive degree at time, or you actually care about a person to a degree beyond their own, or you don't beat around the bush on things to ease somebody in to a concept (societies are slow to change, that's proven, individuals are often afraid of change... fuck fear), because people need time to accept things... That's why I say, it doesn't bother me if people tell me exactly what they feel or are thinking about me at the time, I wouldn't have a problem if somebody just out of the blue told me they loved me, because I can accept those things, I may not love the person back, but it's good to know, and it's not going to make me go, Oh, you creep... I'll say, that's cool, lol... if somebody says... I wanna fuck you, I'm not going to freak out. I wish people wouldn't freak out when I sometimes spew things out like that, lol. I mean sometimes those things do take time to process or to think about, understandable... I guess... I don't know, I guess I'm just a little more understanding, and accepting, a lot less passionate about things, and a bit apathetic, and really fucking lonely. I have no place in anything, with anyone, so I've got nothing, but I've also got nothing to lose.
Sorry, I'm a loser and confused and if you don't understand this, oh well... oh well oh well... Chick-Fil-A the day before Turkey day, wow, this is turning out to be an amazing food week... at least something has me excited / happy... lol I'm going to start eating when I get depressed and become a fattie... though I lift, so I'll become a ... muscular... fattie on the inside...
Make my tears be your bath
If there's a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side...
Fred Durst, you are a lyricist.
I feel like quoting Limp Bizkit tonight folks.
So... why do I keep finding myself in the same predicament?
Even though it's gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even though it's gonna fall apart, break my heart
I'll keep building 'till i die
Build a bridge of memories
Stretch it out overseas
To the end of the world
If there's a way
Build a bridge made of pain
Send my longing down the drain
Have no reasons to complain...
(I love this song, it's amazing, a very loving song really, but depends on who is listening to it, is it creepy? or loving? I think people are just assholes and call nice people creeps...)
I feel like I'm in this bridge building situation, but it exists only in my mind I think... not in reality. I have a fantastic mind, that creates these amazing romantic fantasies that are not real. I should write books to expel these unrealistic cinematic visions that I have, I should make movies... instead I live anticipating these things, these situations to happen that just don't or won't... I horribly misread everything, which is why I always need to talk about everything because I just go off on tangents in my own mind, ruining the reality of a situation, blowing some things out of proportion in a hopeless (I originally wrote hopeful, lol) romanticistic (not a word) way.
If you listen to all these romantic songs... like Wonderful Tonight (fuck you Clapton...)... but uh... if you listen to these songs... how many of them are really from real situations or experiences? Maybe I should start writing songs to expel these thoughts, make the girls weep, sharing the romantic vision... I think it's cheesy and cheap to write a song directly about or to a girl, or to tell her that, unless you're Beethoven (fur Elise... supposed to be Fur Therese somebody fucked up when transcribing his handwriting... I bet the same thing will happen to me someday if I somehow magically become a prolific musician or writer... or if just one person cares, and happens to find the little notebook thing I write all these rants and thoughts in...) It's cheap, because the guys who do things like that, are doucebags, why? because the people who really care, or really like somebody usually don't boldly put forth their true emotions directly to the person... Probably because girls or young girls take things at surface value... but it's not just that, it's because they obviously don't know when the person never tells them, which seems kind of creepy in a way, but it's not creepy in cases like Beethoven's because he truely loved this Therese lady.
Beethoven was going to kill himself at some point. The manuscripts for Fur Elise were found after Therese's death, so she never even knew that one of the greatest classical pieces was dedicated to her.
Dear God,
... WHAT THE FUCK!?...
... ... song called... The Things We Did Last Summer... a Yehudi Menuhin, Stéphane Grappelli song... honestly... insane... iTunes shuffle feature is stocking me. I swear, I don't need to describe my emotions, or what I'm feeling, I'll just let the shuffle do that talking.. Last summer was 2006, after my graduating year... wow, that was a whole year ago, seems so long ago. I feel like I've been out of high school for 15 years. Cereally though, stop speaking my mind iTunes, I think I've channeled into iTunes in some bullshit ESP sort of way.
I don't even know where I'm going with this other than, of all the new girls I found this semester, I find myself falling into a hole that I had already found my way out of a long time ago... (possibly I left this imaginary, poetic, hole empty and should have filled it before trying to walk away, which is possibly why, in this landscape of my mind, I've come back to this hole... In the landscape of my mind, I still can't seem to walk away from a particular hole, so is it a hole? I just filled one not that long ago, and that one is done, so why this one? yep, artists (even bad ones... lol) use lies to tell the truth.)
I kinda like two, one from the painting class, but it's just attraction really, though she seems to have a great personality, I think she gets nervous when I walk into their class, lol, like in a, she has a crush on me sort of way...
and the other is csp ladygirl... yet, I just don't feel much between us? ... something along those lines... Maybe I should ask her out to ice skating sometime over Winter break. I just know that if we were to say, date... it would only be a surface thing, though I like her, and she's cute, I just feel like it would end up being one of those long relationships because you really like the person, and don't want to hurt them, but you don't reaaaaaallly love them to the deepest sense of the word, the way that Khalil Gibran wrote, I think that would be one of the relationships you would end up having to end and feel that heartbreak, be shaken up after, before you really get an idea as what love is... The way Khalil describes it (and maybe he's right maybe he's wrong...) but the way he describes it, you really need to experience a lot of heartbreak, you need to be a stone that is chipped away at until you truly find yourself and know what you truly love, not the puppy love bullshit, before you can find your true love... otherwise...
You don't know what love is... you just do as you're told, just as a child of ten might act, but you're far too old...
To me, that's what those situations are, because you know you like the person, and you would be in a relationship with them, just you would only be in it for the fun, but not really recognize it as that, because on the surface you know but don't acknowledge that things might only be for fun or attraction, a shallow 'love' in a way. I guess... so it would serve it's purpose, to be fun, so remember the good times? But then how would one end a relationship on that level, after a long time, because you wouldn't necessarily have a socially acceptable reason, because you can't tell the other person, I never really loved you, I just wanted to have fun (though that I think is what happened to me over the summer...)
I think over the past year or so, I've become a lot more understanding and reasonable, though I don't like to be reasonable all the time, and allow myself to have these hopeless romantic visions, and I become emotional like this... something like that.
(I love Huxley, I'm going to start writing books like he did, that were just observational / from experience. Books that just try to find the deeper meaning of things... analytical in a sense... I think that's all my life's purpose is... is to try to understand things, so I might as well see if other's want to see things the way I do... there's no right or wrong in anything... so why not?)
I've realized or believe that people see me as this obsessive creepy kind of guy, and all that bullshit, but I'm not, people just don't understand me, and that pisses me off, (when somebody like Mel pretty much called me a creep because I thought she fucking cared, and she started all the bullshit and drama between us, as if there even was any, and yet, somehow she acted like I was a horrible lowlife creep, though I think it's the other way around... it's kinda like, what are you gonna' do when the bad guy points the finger at you? who is the bad guy, at times I wonder... in that case it certainly was not me.) I just really like to try to figure everything out, my mind processes so many thoughts at once sometimes. I used to possibly be obsessive, probably because I don't ... people don't accept it... (... a combo of the two...) ... when you cut to the point or accept it when you are analytical to such an intensive degree at time, or you actually care about a person to a degree beyond their own, or you don't beat around the bush on things to ease somebody in to a concept (societies are slow to change, that's proven, individuals are often afraid of change... fuck fear), because people need time to accept things... That's why I say, it doesn't bother me if people tell me exactly what they feel or are thinking about me at the time, I wouldn't have a problem if somebody just out of the blue told me they loved me, because I can accept those things, I may not love the person back, but it's good to know, and it's not going to make me go, Oh, you creep... I'll say, that's cool, lol... if somebody says... I wanna fuck you, I'm not going to freak out. I wish people wouldn't freak out when I sometimes spew things out like that, lol. I mean sometimes those things do take time to process or to think about, understandable... I guess... I don't know, I guess I'm just a little more understanding, and accepting, a lot less passionate about things, and a bit apathetic, and really fucking lonely. I have no place in anything, with anyone, so I've got nothing, but I've also got nothing to lose.
Sorry, I'm a loser and confused and if you don't understand this, oh well... oh well oh well... Chick-Fil-A the day before Turkey day, wow, this is turning out to be an amazing food week... at least something has me excited / happy... lol I'm going to start eating when I get depressed and become a fattie... though I lift, so I'll become a ... muscular... fattie on the inside...