Random thought.

[revolutionary13]

When I was about 11, I was at the Tushkahoma labor day festival, and there was an elephant there doing tricks and such. I stood there with the rest of the crowd laughing and oohing and ahhing at the spectacle until it hit me that was this animals poor life. Immediately tears tried to well in my eyes, but I was too calloused to actually cry then. I just swallowed the lump in my throat and was about to walk away, knowing I could do nothing about this. Then the trainer told a short story about how much the elephant ate, and how much it cost to feed it. Then, she asked that everyone donate one dollar for an apple and the elephant would come and take the apple from your hand and eat it. I quickly rummaged through my pockets and found that I had $45 left of the money I'd been saving for months for this festival. I wanted to give them the money, but I didn't want to feed the thing. It was big and scary--and it wasn't supposed to be tame. I stood there for a second holding the money in my hand and looking at the elephant, the trainer was walking towards me and I knew she was about to try and give me an apple to feed it. I quickly looked around and saw a boy that was about 8 standing there looking sad--he wanted to feed the beastly thing. I quickly shoved the $45 in his hand and told him, "Give all of this to them. Feed him as many apples as this will buy." I took one last look at the elephant and the trainer, that was now looking at me with a confused expression on her face, and ran as fast as I could until I was safely hidden in a huge crowd of people that I didn't know.   I sat at a bench and wondered if I'd done the right thing. Later, when my mother asked me where the money went--she made me go back and tell the trainer what I'd done. She acted as if I'd stolen something. Like I'd done something bad. I walked slowly to the trainer's tent and waited for her to emerge. When she did I told her that I didn't like that elephant--at all. It was scary and I thought it was mean of her to keep him and make him do stupid tricks to amuse stupid people it was belittling to the animal. I didn't like that elephant at all, it wasn't normal for it to be here. But, I didn't want that elephant to go hungry if I could possibly help it. So, I told her that I'd got all of my money and given it to the little boy next to me and ran because I was too afraid of the elephant to try and talk to her about taking the money without giving me apples. She listened to my story with a very blank expression on her face, as my mom stood in a distance watching the whole thing. Then her expression changed...I wasn't sure what it was then, but tears were welling in her eyes and she told me "Thank you. You're an amazing girl. Thank you so much," and she hugged me.  I walked away not understanding what had just happened and asked my mom why I had to tell her, and she never answered me.

It's strange. I always felt like I'd done something wrong in that situation, now thinking about it--I was a really charitable little girl. I have a lot of stories like this one...maybe I'll share more of them some other time.