Questioning one's sanity.
So, I'm writing a book. A borderline silly fiction novel about vampires, werewolves, and witches. My main villain, Lazareth has recently began starring in my dreams. That's not too unusual, I don't think. I mean, I spend a lot of time thinking about this book--practically every spare moment of the day--it wouldn't be too strange for me to dream of it too, only I'm not really dreaming of the book--I'm dreaming of Lazareth.
In the first dream I had of him--I was so completely mesmerized by him that I can't even put it to words. He was sardonic and seductive at the same time...it was strange. He seemed to prefer to call me, "my little typist," and take credit for my story. I guess that sounds a bit silly, but he was so very intense about it that it was almost frightening and certainly intimidating.
The second dream was more of an argument between the two of us, him claiming he would be the hero--I'd see...and me telling him it's my novel I'll do as I wish to his character--including killing him off in an incredibly degrading manner. He then proceeded to tell me, in a voice so smooth and calm that I believed him, that he would crush the very life out of my body if I continued to challenge him. It was very odd. I was intimidated to the point of being absolutely still and quiet--anyone who knows me will tell you this is not very common for me. I tend to be loud, obnoxious and rowdy most of the time.
Then, today, I had a dream that topped both of the previous ones. I was sitting at my desk writing, and he came and put his hand on my shoulder like he had the other two times and he was being very encouraging and sweet. He was telling me that I knew the right thing to do, and he was sure I'd do it...then when I was so completely unsure of myself and my story that I was almost to the point of tears he lashed out at me. He was talking incredibly fast in this voice that was just--razor sharp. It was almost like his voice was literally cutting me--it hurt to hear him. He was just going on and on about my incompetence and how little I really knew about him, blah blah blah.
I think I've gone insane. I'm having arguments with my characters, and I've also kind of been arguing with him all day--I'm sure this is all my imagination but it's alarming. I know that when I'm arguing with Lazareth, I'm really arguing with myself because I don't like him being a villain but I hear his voice and it's so real...oh my..
It's official.
I'm crazy.
In the first dream I had of him--I was so completely mesmerized by him that I can't even put it to words. He was sardonic and seductive at the same time...it was strange. He seemed to prefer to call me, "my little typist," and take credit for my story. I guess that sounds a bit silly, but he was so very intense about it that it was almost frightening and certainly intimidating.
The second dream was more of an argument between the two of us, him claiming he would be the hero--I'd see...and me telling him it's my novel I'll do as I wish to his character--including killing him off in an incredibly degrading manner. He then proceeded to tell me, in a voice so smooth and calm that I believed him, that he would crush the very life out of my body if I continued to challenge him. It was very odd. I was intimidated to the point of being absolutely still and quiet--anyone who knows me will tell you this is not very common for me. I tend to be loud, obnoxious and rowdy most of the time.
Then, today, I had a dream that topped both of the previous ones. I was sitting at my desk writing, and he came and put his hand on my shoulder like he had the other two times and he was being very encouraging and sweet. He was telling me that I knew the right thing to do, and he was sure I'd do it...then when I was so completely unsure of myself and my story that I was almost to the point of tears he lashed out at me. He was talking incredibly fast in this voice that was just--razor sharp. It was almost like his voice was literally cutting me--it hurt to hear him. He was just going on and on about my incompetence and how little I really knew about him, blah blah blah.
I think I've gone insane. I'm having arguments with my characters, and I've also kind of been arguing with him all day--I'm sure this is all my imagination but it's alarming. I know that when I'm arguing with Lazareth, I'm really arguing with myself because I don't like him being a villain but I hear his voice and it's so real...oh my..
It's official.
I'm crazy.