(no subject)
Fuck me in the eyes.
I moved. I gave up sleep. I partied. I had time with a friend. Over a 50 hour period of time, I slept for 4 hours, took a handful of substances, and even had a splash of intimacy. What the fuck? Oh, and I moved. I moved from a one-bedroom into a... 8X8 closet.
I'm up and down like a hooker with epilepsy. My emotions are fraught with tremors. I think I know what I'm doing, but it's hard to tell.
Sometimes I feel a great wave of optimism welling up, like a tidal wave of hope set to drench the sands. Other times I feel my head and heart grow heavy, as though the weight of the world is set to pull me down the gravity well to the center of the earth. I had to fight to not cry on the bus.
I want to say that I feel scared and alone, but I know I'm not alone. I've had too much friendship and assistance over the past few weeks to feel alone. I feel crazy blessed by my friends.
I spent a few hours rewatching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas - put some commentary on, enjoyed some perspectives. The movie thrills me almost as much as the book does, sometimes. It grants a bit of perspective.
I spent way more money than I guess I needed to today, buying lunch supplies and snacks and shit to brush my teeth with. I don't think I've brushed my teeth in like 3 days now, which is probably the longest I've ever gone. It's kinda scary. I assume my breath must smell like a cat's asshole.
I should go out and get some food. It's almost 9. I need something to eat, and a walk to have a smoke. I can walk 7 blocks and try some new take-out. I don't really want to spend the money, but I'm willing to suck it up and just say "It's a new day. Treat yourself to some food."
I moved. I gave up sleep. I partied. I had time with a friend. Over a 50 hour period of time, I slept for 4 hours, took a handful of substances, and even had a splash of intimacy. What the fuck? Oh, and I moved. I moved from a one-bedroom into a... 8X8 closet.
I'm up and down like a hooker with epilepsy. My emotions are fraught with tremors. I think I know what I'm doing, but it's hard to tell.
Sometimes I feel a great wave of optimism welling up, like a tidal wave of hope set to drench the sands. Other times I feel my head and heart grow heavy, as though the weight of the world is set to pull me down the gravity well to the center of the earth. I had to fight to not cry on the bus.
I want to say that I feel scared and alone, but I know I'm not alone. I've had too much friendship and assistance over the past few weeks to feel alone. I feel crazy blessed by my friends.
I spent a few hours rewatching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas - put some commentary on, enjoyed some perspectives. The movie thrills me almost as much as the book does, sometimes. It grants a bit of perspective.
I spent way more money than I guess I needed to today, buying lunch supplies and snacks and shit to brush my teeth with. I don't think I've brushed my teeth in like 3 days now, which is probably the longest I've ever gone. It's kinda scary. I assume my breath must smell like a cat's asshole.
I should go out and get some food. It's almost 9. I need something to eat, and a walk to have a smoke. I can walk 7 blocks and try some new take-out. I don't really want to spend the money, but I'm willing to suck it up and just say "It's a new day. Treat yourself to some food."