Out of step
My entire life i've always felt out of step with those around me.
Always acting/doing slightly the wrong thing, actions and words sometimes just seeming awkward. Friendly gestures and buddy-buddy cuddlings that seems so natural when other people do it just seem to come out wrong when I try with certain people.
i've always wondered if I would ever find a group of people that I felt I fit into entirely, that I didn't feel somewhat of an outsider with and that understood who i was, and accepted me as a fun person nonetheless. I've always felt like I've had to put forth such an effort to do what others seem to accomplish naturally. and i wonder, does it really come naturally to them? Or are they feeling the same as I feel, and we are all just feeling this together? If so, why can't we all just encourage each other and make the people around us feel welcome? It seems to me that in social gatherings, everyone is so focused on themselves. Whether they are in the middle of a chatty/fun group and whether they are getting positive attention from others, rather than truly being nice and trying to include everyone in the group.
i feel like some people are only nice to others when it makes them look good in the group. and this bugs me like no other.
i hate trying to put myself out there. I don't like having to prove what a fun and loving person i am, i prefer just being me and letting others figure it out on their own. But with some groups, the people just don't seem to care enough to get to know someone who doesn't advertise their own personalities. So it is worth it? Or is that socializing? networking? Why do I have to prove myself? Why can't they just see that i'm a nice person, and respect me because I don't toot my own horn?
Why are the loud horn blowers the ones who are rewarded? And why is it that "nice" people don't lose their "nice" label when they are rude to others? Why is it just not seen with certain people?
socialization can be so frustrating. I want to spend time with my Jesus, He knows me through and through and there is no hen-pecking or proving necessary.
Always acting/doing slightly the wrong thing, actions and words sometimes just seeming awkward. Friendly gestures and buddy-buddy cuddlings that seems so natural when other people do it just seem to come out wrong when I try with certain people.
i've always wondered if I would ever find a group of people that I felt I fit into entirely, that I didn't feel somewhat of an outsider with and that understood who i was, and accepted me as a fun person nonetheless. I've always felt like I've had to put forth such an effort to do what others seem to accomplish naturally. and i wonder, does it really come naturally to them? Or are they feeling the same as I feel, and we are all just feeling this together? If so, why can't we all just encourage each other and make the people around us feel welcome? It seems to me that in social gatherings, everyone is so focused on themselves. Whether they are in the middle of a chatty/fun group and whether they are getting positive attention from others, rather than truly being nice and trying to include everyone in the group.
i feel like some people are only nice to others when it makes them look good in the group. and this bugs me like no other.
i hate trying to put myself out there. I don't like having to prove what a fun and loving person i am, i prefer just being me and letting others figure it out on their own. But with some groups, the people just don't seem to care enough to get to know someone who doesn't advertise their own personalities. So it is worth it? Or is that socializing? networking? Why do I have to prove myself? Why can't they just see that i'm a nice person, and respect me because I don't toot my own horn?
Why are the loud horn blowers the ones who are rewarded? And why is it that "nice" people don't lose their "nice" label when they are rude to others? Why is it just not seen with certain people?
socialization can be so frustrating. I want to spend time with my Jesus, He knows me through and through and there is no hen-pecking or proving necessary.