Bring Forth the Jury!

[kainasilverbane]

Title: Shards
Author/Penname:Kainasilverbane (ME!)
Rating:PG-13
Chapters: Chapter 7 (WIP) (EDITED!)
Pairings: (optional) Fujitaka/Kaho
Summary:OMG PLOT MOVEMENT! XD Things take an unexpected turn while Fujitaka and Kaho are out visiting a grave site.
Warning, Notes: er...none this time...

Link to previous chapter:Read more... )

Comments

[claire_chan]

Yay, I get to steal sheila_chan's typo police job!! XD I think the way to go as far as making people review it again is to edit the post, and then make a post saying "I fixed it go read it again" XD But we'd have to check with her to make sure that's legal. If not.. you can just make people go read it again over IM or whatever.

First of all, I want to say, yay Suppi free ^__^ and I'm glad that they're going to try and free Eriol as well. I guess this chapter made me happy. XD

One thing, I didn't really understand why Kero-chan was blue. o_o; It was sudden.

Kaho was stunned for a moment at how the little guardian had turned himself blue without dying, but that stunned feeling didn’t last long and was quickly swallowed up by irritation and she threw off her blanket and began to get up, “Get back here fuzzball!” Whoa, run on, girlfriend. XDD Break it up, break it up! Unless you want it to be so rambly like that.

Comma police. “Kero(,) I told you not to wake her up!”

That of which meant she had had very little sleep and was rightfully a smidge crabby. This sentence is awkward. Maybe "That of course meant"?

Kaho, who was wearing socks, lost traction on the smooth wooden floor as (she) made to follow the guardian.. Inserted a "she" for you. By the way, that scene is cute, reminiscient of Nadeshiko falling into his arms.

Kaho scowled over the mans shoulder, before realizing her exact situation and made to pull away. You like your "made to" verbs XD I think it would be less awkward if you said "Kaho scowled over the man's shoulder before she realized her exact situation and made to pull away."

Though the disturbing images had been only (a) dream, the actual incident was real enough. A insert. XD

It had been her final jump from the Chinese eastern coast all the way into Tomoeda, and, with Eriol surprising her with an attack, that had brought her back into contact with Sakura and her father. This is convoluted. @-@ I'd suggest breaking it into smaller sentences too. Same thing with the next sentence in the fanfic.

“Good, then come eat,” Fujitaka said, and was surprised when he didn’t receive and complaint or and resistance. Any complaint or any resistance?

He’d mumble her name now and again and it’s get her to eat a few bites It'd get her.

"I’m not an idiot and I can see it quite clearly." This seems a little sharp and biting for Fujitaka's character. Then again, it's not so wrong because he could have had some development throughout the fic.

“To go pay our respects to you father,” Fujitaka said.. your. XD

Outside were small headstone placed close together.. headstones. Poor you, typo typo XD

Kaho found in fairly quickly it XDD

Fujitaka mirrored her stance half a second later Period please. XD

"You shouldn’t be able (to) survive unless your master willfully releases you.” Added a to.

He consciously set me free, against the demons control. demon's.

Kaho blinked for a moment, letting the revelation works its way through her mind. Work.

Get you big fuzzy butt off of me!” Your. XD

“Okay! Off! I need air!” Kaho said and the guardian removed himself and she sat up with a gasp. Run on yay.

“You’re planning on going to England to release that boy from a that demon, all by yourselves?” A or that, not both. XD

“It’s happens,” Fujitaka said with a shrug. It happens.

She wasn’t bringing it up to be mean, but more for safety sake... for safety's sake

but people understand teleportation better than mater phasing matter?

break down of everything in the human body to it’s basic cells and moving them all at an un-clocked speed its basic cells.. *getting lazy*

And your weather research is quite excellent except..

“You two should run a whether service…” Weather, weather XD

Yay, finished XD *collapses* Naptime now.

[kainasilverbane]

*Is giggling at her own writing stupidity....still!*

I *giggles* will *giggle* fix *giggle* all I swear!!!!! *dies laughing at all her typos*

I'm such a bad writer! XD

[claire_chan]

Hey, we all make mistakes XD *giggling too* I've seen worse, believe me D: