I blame my IPod for too much bitterness, angst and drama. It's Christmas, for crying out loud!
Title: Lips of an Angel
Author/Penname:
little_kraeheRating: PG
Pairings: Hiiragizawa Eriol/Daidouji Tomoyo
Summary: Realizations are always a part of late-night calls.
Note: This... is actually supposed to be a sequel to
Close to the End. And yes, it's another songfic, based on the song
Lips of an Angel by Hinder.
Disclaimer: CCS and all its characters belong to CLAMP
“Hi, this is Tomoyo. I’m busy at the moment so please leave your name and message after the tone and I’ll call you back. Thanks.”
He hung up the wireless phone after hearing her sweet voice recorded on her machine, pressing his lips together. His dark blue gaze wandered around the dimly-lit room for a moment before they landed on the glowing arms of his watch, lying on his bedside table. It was already past midnight. She couldn’t still be awake at this time of the night.
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try. She just might be awake. It just might be one of those nights that she couldn’t sleep herself. Just like him.
He dialed once more her number and listened patiently on the receiver, his fingers tapping noiselessly on the silky covers of his bed.
“Hi, this is Tomoyo. I’m busy at the moment so please leave your name and message after the tone and I’ll call you back. Thanks.”
The same message and voice on the recorder answered him and after hearing the tone, he was then faced with a problem: What was he supposed to say to her?
He quickly hung up, frowning at himself for being an idiot. He was trying to call her, trying to get a hold of her, and yet he had no idea what he was going to say. Why did he even call her in the first place? Because he couldn’t sleep? Would she even buy that excuse for disturbing her in the middle of the night?
Summoning his courage once more, he picked up the handset and started dialing her number. He had done this several times in the past already. The number of times he had called her was more than what he could count. Why then was he having trouble?
One ring. Two rings. Three rings. He was ready to hang up, to give up and just go back to bed. He was ready to force himself to sleep when his call was answered yet again. He thought of something to say, anything to say, once the recording played again.
But it wasn’t the machine that answered him this time.
“Hello?” A sleepy, dream-filled voice replied inquiringly, with its usual cheerfulness unwavering.
The words he was about to say got lost in his throat and he couldn’t find the courage nor his voice to say anything, much more greet her. He was an idiot indeed. And a coward to boot. He had spoken to her a lot of times in the past. Why was he hesitating now?
“Hello?”
Her voice served as an alarm and a reminder to him and it woke him up from his reverie. If he wasn’t going to say anything, then he might as well hang up. But he had something to say. He wanted to speak to her at least.
“Hello, Tomoyo,” he greeted quietly in a pleasant tone, closing his eyes.
“Eri-Hiiragizawa-kun?”
He could hear rustlings in the background and he could imagine her rolling to her side, her hair tousled and her pajamas wrinkled, to turn to her silver antique alarm clock that she had bought while she was in England. She must be frowning that moment, wondering if the time was correct or not.
“It’s past midnight, Hiiragizawa-kun,” she exclaimed over the line in surprise. “It’s already late.”
“I know.”
Hiiragizawa-kun. Formality had settled once again in her tone and manner of speaking, distancing herself from him again. Just like in the past.
“Were you the one who called twice earlier?” she asked, amusement seeping in her voice.
“Yes.”
He heard her giggle lightly from the other side and it took his entire strength to keep himself still.
“Silly. I’m quite sure I didn’t request for a wake-up call. And even if I did, I would’ve requested to have me woken up at a later time.” She giggled again. “What then made you call me, Hiiragizawa-kun? Is everything all right?”
Hiiragizawa-kun. That cold, formal name again. He couldn’t believe that she called him that name again. It sounded so… unfamiliar to his ears, being spoken by someone like her.
“It was ‘Eriol-kun’ before, wasn’t it?”
He couldn’t stop himself from saying those words to her in a bitter tone and he could almost see her, blinking confusedly at his statement.
“Oh, but Hiiragizawa-kun-“
“Eriol-kun,” he insisted in the same quiet tone, his eyes shut peacefully. Perhaps it was a mistake to call her late that evening, especially if it would only cause conflict between them.
Silence and tension filled the atmosphere between them and he strained hard to hear her, every breath, every sigh. She was right there yet she was still out of his reach. He could easily drive up to her to see her but he couldn’t. He mustn’t. They had both agreed.
“Hiiragizawa-kun,” she started, her voice as soft as a sigh. “Does… does she know?”
He stood up from his seat on the edge of his bed and briskly crossed his room to his balcony, opening the French doors without any sound. But not before his gaze landed on a slender figure lying on his bed, sleeping peacefully, long reddish-brown hair splayed like the rays of the sun on the white pillows. He stepped out, not minding the cold air cutting sharply against his exposed skin.
“No. I don’t think she knows,” he told her gently, leaning heavily on the balustrade of his balcony. He could hear her louder and clearer outside, in the silence of the night. “You shouldn’t worry.”
“But Hiiragizawa-kun-“
“Eriol-kun,” he replied, this time, in a light voice, his lips rising slightly at the corners. She was most likely wearing a defeated look, shaking her head in exasperation. “C’mon, let me hear it.”
He heard her sigh on the other line and he smiled knowingly.
“Eriol-kun.”
He closed his eyes as if preserving the way she had just called his name in his mind. His name sounded like it was familiar to her tongue, the way she said it so effortlessly, like she had been calling him over and over again. It was different. She was different. Different from all the women he had met during his travels.
“You know,” he started, murmuring quietly to her like he had done a million times before. “I’ve dreamt of you. Just tonight. I saw you in my dreams…”
She said nothing for a moment and he wondered what she was thinking. She then let out a laugh. A light, nonchalant laugh that sounded so fake.
“Don’t be silly, Eriol-kun. It’s already late for you to be flattering me.”
He felt a sharp pang in his chest and his hands clenched into fists tightly. What did she mean by those words? To him, it seemed to have a double meaning but what about to her? What did those words mean to her?
“I’m not flattering you nor making a joke. I did dream of you. It was you, Tomoyo…”
He suddenly faltered, realizing that she was silent once more. Uncomfortable. Apprehensive. She was afraid. He could sense it. He knew that she was. He was forcing once more his feelings on her and she was scared that she might shatter or break into a thousand pieces again. He had seen the damage he had caused on her and he could never forgive himself.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly, shutting his eyes tightly. “I didn’t...”
“It’s all right, Eriol-kun. No harm done really.”
Her voice was cracked, he noted painfully, and guilt ate him from the inside. He was the cause for all the pain she had suffered. But even before he could say another word, another voice, low and masculine, startled him.
“Tomo-chan, you’re still awake?”
“Ah, Ta-kun, I was just talking to a friend on the phone.”
Although muffled, guessing that she must’ve covered the handset, he could hear them clearly and his heart constricted and throbbed with agonizing pain. Perhaps this was the second gist of her statement. It was already late for him to be flattering her.
“Hello? Are you still there, Hiiragizawa-kun? Hiiragizawa-kun?”
He said nothing for an entire second, noting painfully that she shifted back to formalities. He swallowed hard and forced a cheery smile and tone, his eyes shut and his hands clenched. It was already too late.
“Well, it was really good to hear your voice once more, Daidouji-san. It sounded as sweet as ever.”
“Hiiragizawa-kun, I-“
He hung up the line before she could say another word without even saying goodbye. He leaned heavily on the marble balustrade, a hand running through his dark hair. The cold wind, still cutting against his skin, felt even colder than before. The night seemed darker than it was when he had stepped out.
“Eriol dear, are you still awake?”
He looked over his shoulder and managed a slight smile, his blue eyes hidden behind his bangs. “I was on the phone with a friend, Kaho.”