Bring forth the jury!

[claire_chan]

Title: The Hiiragizawa Threesome Handle the Holidays!
Author/Penname: Claire-chan
Rating: G
Chapters: Complete one shot
Summary: Remember the second Christmas episode? This is it and the time around it from Eriol-tachi's point of view.
Warning, Notes: It's Christmas in August, I know. XD Originally a tsukimineshrine prompt. The length was too

Comments

[dropsofviolet]

I would change the title. It doesn’t seem to do anything for the fic. I love Suppi’s characterization here in the beginning. That definitely seems like a book he would read and the tinsel thing made me laugh

[dropsofviolet]

“Composing himself to regain energy” feels awkward. He was just resting for a moment and those words are too much for the action

[dropsofviolet]

“Clearing these negative thoughts from his head, which were clouding his music…” This is a suggested correction. Otherwise you have two run-on clauses here. This paragraph about Eriol’s thoughts kinda feels preachy. Is this your view? It’s okay to include it in fic, but it doesn’t feel right here

[claire_chan]

Wow, you really went into depth, thank you so much

[dropsofviolet]

You're welcome! You write a lot like a friend of mine, who is also an incredibly writer with phrasing issues. She hasn't given me anything to beta for a while, and I'm putting off writing a difficult fic, so I found some time to comment. I enjoyed doing it, no problem. ^_^

[claire_chan]

icon FTW. XD

What fic are you writing? ^_^ We'd all love to see it here too.

[dropsofviolet]

Ah, just a silly challenge fic that bit me in the butt. I suck at Eriol/Tomoyo, and it was trying really hard to get there... It's done now--finally! After I made 13 icons, redesigned my LJ, and wrote a Fullmetal Alchemist fic, I finished it. *sweatdrop* Maybe I'll post it later.

[claire_chan]

Hahaha, I see. Sometimes those challenges are pretty tough.