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Sep 27, 2006 02:55


[ Private: Well, it seems I've been foolish, and not for the first time.

I know that I have enemies here, in this house. I was hoping that I wouldn't, but there they are, in plain sight, in my own bathroom, even. It will be enough, there, to keep my necessities under lock and key. Beyond that ... we shall see.

I'll have to be on my guard again. It isn't just the cameras that are watching, unfortunately, so I must be aware of myself and my appearance. I must. I cannot afford to lose, this time. It must be different. I refuse to let him get away. There's too much of him under my skin, in my bones. He's infused himself, imprinted; there's no way it can change, now.

He's meant so much to me, after all. I remember nights of holding him, to stop his tears, to distract him; I remember falling asleep with him after the end of his last relationship. One simply doesn't forget things like that. One doesn't simply toss out all that was good because of ... whatever this was.

A mistake, perhaps; yes, I suppose it could be called that, much as I am loathe to admit it. I've misstepped and thrown off the rhythm of the entire dance, and now -- what am I doing but moving in double time in order to catch myself up? I'll trip over my own feet if I don't watch them, and that will be a problem, because there are too many eyes on me. On all of us, really.

So no more of that, oh no. There'll be no more displaying my own weaknesses like such a fool.

I must do something to get my mind off of this. And possibly to ensure that we need not share a restroom. That just won't do. ]

Thank you for tea, today, Haginosuke. Your company was quite pleasant; I'm glad we had a chance to talk. You're always more than welcome to stop by, if you so desire. I anticipate getting more of those scones that you love so much -- if you have any flavour preferences, do let me know? Next time I promise I will have a better variety; as I may have mentioned earlier, I found myself out of my usual stock today.


[ Echizen-kun, I do wish to apologise for my ... little outbursts in your journal. That was both rude and uncalled for. Let's chalk it up to a one-time incident -- a fluke, really. ]
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