fic: a thousand years I have loved you, a thousand years more I will.
Title: A Thousand Years
TV Series: Merlin, Doctor Who
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is an AU fic, a slight crossover with Doctor Who. In the distant future, Merlin meets The Doctor but as Jethro Cane. Title is obtained from Christina Perri's song, A thousand years. It is also based on this post
a thousand years I have loved you, a thousand years more I will.
Thirty lifetimes he has lived and in each one he watches Arthur die. It reminds him of that old TV series, Supernatural. The episode where the younger brother gets stuck in a time loop and his brother dies in many creative ways. Thirty is nothing compared to the number of times Sam watches Dean die. But it’s enough for Merlin to fear the time Arthur finds him. And they will meet. It’s only a matter of time.
Their story will be as follows. Merlin will grow up with memories of the blond man with the brightest smile he has ever seen. He will dream of horses, castles, the sun, their very first moments together as King and Manservant. Puberty will hit, then the dreams switch to more erotic ones, they will teach him about lust and love and how to angle his hips just right. His heart will pound each morning as the whisper of Arthur’s touch sets his body ablaze.
What comes next is actually meeting Arthur. Arthur changes all the time. Sometimes he would be taller than Merlin and have perfect teeth. Sometimes he would have brown hair and brown eyes. One time, he was even born ginger. And Merlin laughed and laughed because ginger is not his colour. But each time, Merlin recognises him. That fire within Arthur. It never changes. In every lifetime, Arthur will still be surrounded by a bunch of men. Silly, but loyal. His knights. But sometimes there won’t be a Lancelot. Instead, there will be a Cedric. Or a Valiant. Those times suck because then Arthur will resist the idea of them longer.
It is the year 2639 now. Merlin is not named Merlin by his current parents. Instead, they opted for Jethro. Jethro Cane. He is 19 and has the same black hair and blue eyes. Funny how the Fates choose to keep him the same way. Tall and gangly. Every bloody lifetime. For once, couldn’t he be a little less bony? Maybe with green eyes instead of the same old blue?
To switch things up this time, Merlin picks a gothic exterior the moment he hits his proper growth spurt (always a late bloomer). Leather cuffs, studded belts, black, black, more black. He plans to get a single earring soon too. With a name like Jethro Cane, he’s the coolest he has ever been.
Jethro is antsy. He’s stuck on a journey to see something called the Sapphire Waterfall in a stuffy cruiser. He should be excited, happy, taking the opportunity to enjoy the marvellous-ness of the future. But he’s not. The dreams of Arthur’s death have begun and they are usually a prelude to the first of their meeting.
It could be days, or weeks, or even, he hesitates to think, hours. To be honest, Merlin’s just about given up all hope on saving Arthur. He is tired. He is angry and he hurts. The Fates always treat him cruelly. They bring him back only to torture him with the emptiness of lost magic, give him the same eyes that have seen too much. And when he finally feels whole again, they take away the one thing that matters the most.
He dreams of Arthur’s deaths over and over again. They come and they go amongst dreams of Arthur’s smiles. And very much like the waves, they pull him down under, leaving him gasping, choking, tearing at sky, praying for change.
He could focus on the good memories as they too, are abundant. One particular lifetime is his favourite, in it, he is a baker and Arthur is a painter. Not a business man because he rebelled against his father’s orders. Yup, in every lifetime there’s an Uther too. Only Merlin’s own parents change. Arthur had magical fingers that brought life to anything he painted. Arthur had painted Kilgharrah and they kept it in their bedroom. The Dragon keeping watch as they slept entwined. And then in another, sometime in the early twentieth century, Arthur was the Prince of Wales and suffice to say they caused massive scandals.
But the bad never leaves. It lingers around the edges and Merlin goes crazy day by day keeping it hidden, never telling Arthur what will happen. Arthur somehow never knows that he will die in Merlin’s arms. Arthur will promise Merlin of a future, a future so beautiful and bright and full of laughter, and one that never comes. He doesn’t want to be pessimistic, he wishes to hold onto hope and he does, just not enough. Because with every passing lifetime, the deaths leave bigger impacts upon his soul.
And then he meets the Doctor. The Timelord with the power to change the essence of Time itself.
“You don’t belong here. You are something else, Jethro.” He says, curiously scanning Jethro with his wand-thing and Jethro merely smiles.
Can he tell how broken Merlin is?
“There’s only one place I’d like to go.” Jethro says and he clenches his fist. Maybe… Maybe if he saves Arthur that first time, maybe then he wouldn’t die over and over again in his arms.
“Jethro…” The Doctor says all mischief in his eyes gone and that’s when Merlin just knows.
“Arthur cannot be saved. His death is a fixed point in time and will remain as one. I am sorry but I cannot change it.”
Merlin shuts his eyes. Arthur will die in his arms again. And he will stay helpless as the last few stuttering breaths leave Arthur and Arthur… Arthur will try to say I love you, even as his hands grow weak, even as the cold seeps in and the darkness begins, even as Merlin begs him to hang in there, begs with his voice hoarse and tears drip, drip dripping on Arthur. Arthur will chuckle, arrogantly saying he never thought he’d see Merlin crying for him and then with every bit of energy in him he will swipe at the tears and say Merlin looks silly. He will kiss Merlin’s hand, say I love you and then close his eyes, sleeping as if enchanted, a contented smile on his face. Idiot. Idiot. Only he can smile and be happy with dying in his lover’s arms. He will leave Merlin yet another time.
“Merlin.” The Doctor places a hand on his shoulder and jolts him out of his imagination, his memories.
He chokes out a laugh. “No one’s called me that in years.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s hell. Living like this, every day. Knowing that one day, you’ll meet the one person who will make you whole and then he will be ripped away from you in the worst way possible. Did you know, one time, he died because he refused to give a robber our money? Of all the hobos in the world to fight, he just had to fight one with a gun.”
Merlin rants and he feels tears run down his face and he just knows he must look an awful lot like a panda, smudged eyeliner around his eyes. His heart is heavy and it hurts but at the same time, it feels liberating to finally be able to tell someone after so long. Only thrice before this he’s ever told anyone and those three times happened about centuries ago.
“You are still welcome to come along. I’m sure Donna will love you. She’ll nag at me for picking up a stray but I bet one look at you and she’ll be smothering you with all sorts of food.” The Doctor offers when Merlin quietens up.
Merlin laughs and then shakes his head. “The Universe is tempting. It really is. But I think I will stay. I can’t run away from my destiny, can I? No matter how long it takes, no matter how painful it gets, I will stay and wait for him.”
The Doctor flashes him a big smile and then Merlin has his face smothered in brown trench coat.
“You, Merlin, are brilliant...” and before The Doctor can finish his sentence, he is interrupted.
“Oi Spaceman! Have you forgotten about our not date-date?” A woman in purple yells five feet away and The Doctor thumps Merlin on the back and half jogs towards the lady.
Merlin waves at him dazedly as The Doctor salutes him.
“Who is that boy?”
“Hmmm,” The Doctor hums, “just the wizard Merlin.”
“No.” Donna gasps. “Merlin Merlin?”
“Yup.” The Doctor grins.
“But he’s just a scrawny goth emo pretty boy! How can he be Merlin? As in Wizard Merlin, Counsellor to King Arthur from the legends? Shouldn’t he be all old with a long beard and you know, a cane or something??”
“Oi! Watch what you’re saying! He can hear you and may just turn you to a frog you know?”
“Psh. I could take him.” Donna punches The Doctor’s arm and then yanks them to a halt.
“What are you doing standing there for? Come on, the Doctor’s treating us to lunch in the Anti-Gravity Restaurant. You look like you haven’t been fed in millenniums.” Donna quips at him and Merlin blinks once before following.
Donna is interesting and he likes her. And maybe, maybe if he went with them, the adventures would be amazing; from Donna’s tales he can tell they would be. The Universe at his fingertips, travelling everywhere, seeing so much. But it wouldn’t be the same. Not without Arthur. Never without him.
He waves goodbye to the Doctor and Donna as they enter the blue telephone box, an anomaly really. His hands stuffed in his leather jacket, he walks away and suddenly, suddenly he hears that golden laugh amidst the whooshing of the TARDIS disappearing. Merlin frantically looks about and he catches sight of the man that has always sent his heart soaring.
Arthur. Arthur is there. He is as beautiful as always. Hair that exact same shade of gold as his first self. For the first time in ages, his hair is gold. And something in him just slides into place.
Merlin stands in shock and awe and stares as Arthur splashes about in the pool, surrounded by little children with water guns. He looks up, catches Merlin staring and the brightest of smiles blooms across his face as he waves.
Merlin can feels his heart literally skip a beat and there is a surge of power awakening underneath his skin. He has never been more aware of his surroundings and it’s been a long, long time since he last felt this way. He's almost forgotten about this. Forgotten about the touch of magic, stirring in the pits of him. Arthur beckons him over and Merlin, Merlin walks forward to meet his destiny.
And maybe, maybe this time, his magic will be enough. Maybe the Fates will leave them be.
End.
TV Series: Merlin, Doctor Who
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is an AU fic, a slight crossover with Doctor Who. In the distant future, Merlin meets The Doctor but as Jethro Cane. Title is obtained from Christina Perri's song, A thousand years. It is also based on this post
a thousand years I have loved you, a thousand years more I will.
Thirty lifetimes he has lived and in each one he watches Arthur die. It reminds him of that old TV series, Supernatural. The episode where the younger brother gets stuck in a time loop and his brother dies in many creative ways. Thirty is nothing compared to the number of times Sam watches Dean die. But it’s enough for Merlin to fear the time Arthur finds him. And they will meet. It’s only a matter of time.
Their story will be as follows. Merlin will grow up with memories of the blond man with the brightest smile he has ever seen. He will dream of horses, castles, the sun, their very first moments together as King and Manservant. Puberty will hit, then the dreams switch to more erotic ones, they will teach him about lust and love and how to angle his hips just right. His heart will pound each morning as the whisper of Arthur’s touch sets his body ablaze.
What comes next is actually meeting Arthur. Arthur changes all the time. Sometimes he would be taller than Merlin and have perfect teeth. Sometimes he would have brown hair and brown eyes. One time, he was even born ginger. And Merlin laughed and laughed because ginger is not his colour. But each time, Merlin recognises him. That fire within Arthur. It never changes. In every lifetime, Arthur will still be surrounded by a bunch of men. Silly, but loyal. His knights. But sometimes there won’t be a Lancelot. Instead, there will be a Cedric. Or a Valiant. Those times suck because then Arthur will resist the idea of them longer.
It is the year 2639 now. Merlin is not named Merlin by his current parents. Instead, they opted for Jethro. Jethro Cane. He is 19 and has the same black hair and blue eyes. Funny how the Fates choose to keep him the same way. Tall and gangly. Every bloody lifetime. For once, couldn’t he be a little less bony? Maybe with green eyes instead of the same old blue?
To switch things up this time, Merlin picks a gothic exterior the moment he hits his proper growth spurt (always a late bloomer). Leather cuffs, studded belts, black, black, more black. He plans to get a single earring soon too. With a name like Jethro Cane, he’s the coolest he has ever been.
Jethro is antsy. He’s stuck on a journey to see something called the Sapphire Waterfall in a stuffy cruiser. He should be excited, happy, taking the opportunity to enjoy the marvellous-ness of the future. But he’s not. The dreams of Arthur’s death have begun and they are usually a prelude to the first of their meeting.
It could be days, or weeks, or even, he hesitates to think, hours. To be honest, Merlin’s just about given up all hope on saving Arthur. He is tired. He is angry and he hurts. The Fates always treat him cruelly. They bring him back only to torture him with the emptiness of lost magic, give him the same eyes that have seen too much. And when he finally feels whole again, they take away the one thing that matters the most.
He dreams of Arthur’s deaths over and over again. They come and they go amongst dreams of Arthur’s smiles. And very much like the waves, they pull him down under, leaving him gasping, choking, tearing at sky, praying for change.
He could focus on the good memories as they too, are abundant. One particular lifetime is his favourite, in it, he is a baker and Arthur is a painter. Not a business man because he rebelled against his father’s orders. Yup, in every lifetime there’s an Uther too. Only Merlin’s own parents change. Arthur had magical fingers that brought life to anything he painted. Arthur had painted Kilgharrah and they kept it in their bedroom. The Dragon keeping watch as they slept entwined. And then in another, sometime in the early twentieth century, Arthur was the Prince of Wales and suffice to say they caused massive scandals.
But the bad never leaves. It lingers around the edges and Merlin goes crazy day by day keeping it hidden, never telling Arthur what will happen. Arthur somehow never knows that he will die in Merlin’s arms. Arthur will promise Merlin of a future, a future so beautiful and bright and full of laughter, and one that never comes. He doesn’t want to be pessimistic, he wishes to hold onto hope and he does, just not enough. Because with every passing lifetime, the deaths leave bigger impacts upon his soul.
And then he meets the Doctor. The Timelord with the power to change the essence of Time itself.
“You don’t belong here. You are something else, Jethro.” He says, curiously scanning Jethro with his wand-thing and Jethro merely smiles.
Can he tell how broken Merlin is?
“There’s only one place I’d like to go.” Jethro says and he clenches his fist. Maybe… Maybe if he saves Arthur that first time, maybe then he wouldn’t die over and over again in his arms.
“Jethro…” The Doctor says all mischief in his eyes gone and that’s when Merlin just knows.
“Arthur cannot be saved. His death is a fixed point in time and will remain as one. I am sorry but I cannot change it.”
Merlin shuts his eyes. Arthur will die in his arms again. And he will stay helpless as the last few stuttering breaths leave Arthur and Arthur… Arthur will try to say I love you, even as his hands grow weak, even as the cold seeps in and the darkness begins, even as Merlin begs him to hang in there, begs with his voice hoarse and tears drip, drip dripping on Arthur. Arthur will chuckle, arrogantly saying he never thought he’d see Merlin crying for him and then with every bit of energy in him he will swipe at the tears and say Merlin looks silly. He will kiss Merlin’s hand, say I love you and then close his eyes, sleeping as if enchanted, a contented smile on his face. Idiot. Idiot. Only he can smile and be happy with dying in his lover’s arms. He will leave Merlin yet another time.
“Merlin.” The Doctor places a hand on his shoulder and jolts him out of his imagination, his memories.
He chokes out a laugh. “No one’s called me that in years.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s hell. Living like this, every day. Knowing that one day, you’ll meet the one person who will make you whole and then he will be ripped away from you in the worst way possible. Did you know, one time, he died because he refused to give a robber our money? Of all the hobos in the world to fight, he just had to fight one with a gun.”
Merlin rants and he feels tears run down his face and he just knows he must look an awful lot like a panda, smudged eyeliner around his eyes. His heart is heavy and it hurts but at the same time, it feels liberating to finally be able to tell someone after so long. Only thrice before this he’s ever told anyone and those three times happened about centuries ago.
“You are still welcome to come along. I’m sure Donna will love you. She’ll nag at me for picking up a stray but I bet one look at you and she’ll be smothering you with all sorts of food.” The Doctor offers when Merlin quietens up.
Merlin laughs and then shakes his head. “The Universe is tempting. It really is. But I think I will stay. I can’t run away from my destiny, can I? No matter how long it takes, no matter how painful it gets, I will stay and wait for him.”
The Doctor flashes him a big smile and then Merlin has his face smothered in brown trench coat.
“You, Merlin, are brilliant...” and before The Doctor can finish his sentence, he is interrupted.
“Oi Spaceman! Have you forgotten about our not date-date?” A woman in purple yells five feet away and The Doctor thumps Merlin on the back and half jogs towards the lady.
Merlin waves at him dazedly as The Doctor salutes him.
“Who is that boy?”
“Hmmm,” The Doctor hums, “just the wizard Merlin.”
“No.” Donna gasps. “Merlin Merlin?”
“Yup.” The Doctor grins.
“But he’s just a scrawny goth emo pretty boy! How can he be Merlin? As in Wizard Merlin, Counsellor to King Arthur from the legends? Shouldn’t he be all old with a long beard and you know, a cane or something??”
“Oi! Watch what you’re saying! He can hear you and may just turn you to a frog you know?”
“Psh. I could take him.” Donna punches The Doctor’s arm and then yanks them to a halt.
“What are you doing standing there for? Come on, the Doctor’s treating us to lunch in the Anti-Gravity Restaurant. You look like you haven’t been fed in millenniums.” Donna quips at him and Merlin blinks once before following.
Donna is interesting and he likes her. And maybe, maybe if he went with them, the adventures would be amazing; from Donna’s tales he can tell they would be. The Universe at his fingertips, travelling everywhere, seeing so much. But it wouldn’t be the same. Not without Arthur. Never without him.
He waves goodbye to the Doctor and Donna as they enter the blue telephone box, an anomaly really. His hands stuffed in his leather jacket, he walks away and suddenly, suddenly he hears that golden laugh amidst the whooshing of the TARDIS disappearing. Merlin frantically looks about and he catches sight of the man that has always sent his heart soaring.
Arthur. Arthur is there. He is as beautiful as always. Hair that exact same shade of gold as his first self. For the first time in ages, his hair is gold. And something in him just slides into place.
Merlin stands in shock and awe and stares as Arthur splashes about in the pool, surrounded by little children with water guns. He looks up, catches Merlin staring and the brightest of smiles blooms across his face as he waves.
Merlin can feels his heart literally skip a beat and there is a surge of power awakening underneath his skin. He has never been more aware of his surroundings and it’s been a long, long time since he last felt this way. He's almost forgotten about this. Forgotten about the touch of magic, stirring in the pits of him. Arthur beckons him over and Merlin, Merlin walks forward to meet his destiny.
And maybe, maybe this time, his magic will be enough. Maybe the Fates will leave them be.
End.