(no subject)
my final rant about my mother's drinking(i swear)
you love alchohol more than me. and you arent sorry for anything youve ever done. the person you are when you're drunk is still a part of who you are and that part of you isnt sorry for shit. i secretly hope that you find your way into trouble when you're drunk and never get out of it. and i can look back and be self-righteous all i want and no one will be able to say shit. i hope someone ties you down, drinks themselves retarded and yells in your face about whatever theyre thinking for four years on and off. just like you've done me. i hope they they spit in your face and say things to you that you would never want to hear, even from someone you hate. things that cut you deep and leave you with demons in your head for the rest of your life. becasue i've got them from you. you've made me doubt my belief in humanity, my own sanity, my sexual orientation, even my ability to love. there are things that youve left imprinted in my head that i can never overcome. things that wrap their hands around my neck when im not paying attention. i feel a physical pull on my heart from time to time. there is a different and completely complex level of awareness inside my head. thoughts i think that no one hears. i feel like a giant box of psychological complexes when im by myself. its not something that i think anyone can understand. even if you think you do, you dont.
you love alchohol more than me. and you arent sorry for anything youve ever done. the person you are when you're drunk is still a part of who you are and that part of you isnt sorry for shit. i secretly hope that you find your way into trouble when you're drunk and never get out of it. and i can look back and be self-righteous all i want and no one will be able to say shit. i hope someone ties you down, drinks themselves retarded and yells in your face about whatever theyre thinking for four years on and off. just like you've done me. i hope they they spit in your face and say things to you that you would never want to hear, even from someone you hate. things that cut you deep and leave you with demons in your head for the rest of your life. becasue i've got them from you. you've made me doubt my belief in humanity, my own sanity, my sexual orientation, even my ability to love. there are things that youve left imprinted in my head that i can never overcome. things that wrap their hands around my neck when im not paying attention. i feel a physical pull on my heart from time to time. there is a different and completely complex level of awareness inside my head. thoughts i think that no one hears. i feel like a giant box of psychological complexes when im by myself. its not something that i think anyone can understand. even if you think you do, you dont.