For Comfort....for solace
I hate anticipation of things that will never be. We cling to hope so hard that it ends up crumbling in our own minds and we end up being defeated before we even get a chance. In the end it just leads to a disappointment that will neither help you nor restore any kind of confidence in the power of our aspirations. How easy it must be for people who know what they are doing, where they are going, or even what they have done in life that means so much to them now. I just wish I could look back on things and smile. I just want one smile. I have yet to look back on anything I have done that merits anything. I f anything it just makes me wish either I hadn't been born or that someone could have shaken me and warned what kind of life I would lead. Maybe if I had changed one thing I wouldn't even associate the people I do now. Thats almost a melancholy notion to know that if you were to do it over again the ones you cling to for support now would vanish. They would only be a memory in what could have been. Is that so bad though? Maybe they would be happier for not having met you and known of your existence. Depends on how selfish you want to be on that current topic. What could have been? Who the fuck knows? Or cares for that matter. The present is so much more interesting right? Especially when one considers the fact that soon this moment will be in the past too. It will only be another stored memory that reflects as a moment where something could have been done, said, shown....and somehow it would have turned out better. You would have been happier. Or even a little bit wiser for knowing that there is good in this world it just has to be found and the searching ground begins with you. I just wish I could find something worth remembering and then maybe I'd have something to look foward to