i've loved enough to know.

[reverence1love]

bethany ann cecchini, my best friend since third grade came out visit me from virginia this past weekend. it was so much fun, despite that i picked her up with a fever of 101.5 and i threw up the entire next day aannnd the morning after that. once i got well, it was shopping at pb with suzie, we went to laguna beach, saw the sights, then hit tj for the day with brendon and jake. good freakin times, i tell you. we meet up once a year, usually in the summer with our family trips and each time, we realize something new about ourselves and help each other get through the rough patch that we are currently facing in our life. in the past its been complaining about parents divorces, hardships of high school without real friends, bad relationships and our current realization is that we are emerging into the era of our life where the people and surroundings we choose to associate ourselves are by choice, finally. no more having to put up with people just because it's social standard, the one we are pushed around with in high school. some may feel that they didn't care in the first place, but now that we are out of that atmosphere, we really don't have to. we don't have to look at them anymore and they don't have to see us either. choices. everything is our own decision, kind of a scary thought if you really think about it. look at where you at now.. how did you get there? or how can you get where you want to be..? i always question the relationships i have established when i visit with bethany, because she sets the standard. she is the most important person in my life, next to my parents and i can say that with no hesitation. everything is clear with her, her emotions are my own and we are each other's half. growing up together molded us into the person we are today. we have the same memories, and the same experiences that shape our thoughts now. isn't that crazy? we were separated at 8th grade when i moved out west so we didn't face the petty issues of high school together but we felt the same emotions. with each visit, we realized we responded the same. now that we are in a new place in our lives, standing in front of our future, no more help from others, no more carefully planned trips by our fathers, just us two on our own... its helping me realize my place. my friendship with her is something so priceless, its of no value that could be restored and held in such high regard in my heart- i can't imagine a future without her by my side. its amazing how distance keeps us apart but we pull each other back in. during this visit, i needed her the most because i've felt so pointless and unproductive lately. she puts my mindset at ease and reminds me who i really am and what i really want. change is something i crave, but she told me i have to actually make it. that is my next step. i also thought it was crazy how well bethany and brendon connected. brendon has become such a staple in my life these past couple of years, i don't know why i was surprised to see the common qualities among the two of them. you know its fate, when you move from the east coast to san diego and find a boy whose family once resided where you hailed from, down to the exact street crossing. the three of us connected so well, it was great. he and i have our moments, but you can't deny a connection that keeps pulling you in for more. for more depth, courage and more experiences.
i know i don't open up to people as much as i should, thus the reason why i do not have a friendship like this now. i am not saddened by it though because its an ongoing process, and i already love each of my friends dearly. after her visit, even though i didn't want her to ever leave, i feel refreshed and eager for our next visit. i am also eager for whatever else is handed to me. this is all for now, i just thought i would share my happy feelings. i hope everyone has a safe and chill ass spring break. i'm going to catalina and of course, working... peace.