hey myspace buggers.
all that preparation for the holidays, and it was over in a snap. mine was worth it tho, very much so. this morning i decided to have a long talk with the one i consider unable to align her thoughts with mine. how ironic. she still amazed me and was able to satisfy my hopes and relieve my tension with my place in life. i told her of my disappointment with myself and my lack of direction. i feel that i am at a standpoint, with a circle of doors around me. why have decided to give myself an ultimatum? as if i am supposed to open one right away. i feel that i need to be someone. instead of walking around with my shoulders hunched and looking down at my feet. or i need to be somewhere. else. why am i so lazy and inconsiderate of my future? i feel this strong intention in my bones, i ache so badly for what i want to achieve but i dont care to do anything about it. I need to move on, find out what it is that drives me. i am not finding it here and it is getting to me. its eating me alive because i'm watching my opportunities roll right by me. gallantly, with so much promise in them, just like clouds swirling over rolling hills. i want to catch that ride, i want to go with the flow. instead i feel stuck, like a bad routine. my life as of now is boring to me, minus a few highlights that i care so dearly for. i only wish the best for them too. i strive for independence though i don't show it. from now on, i need to prove it. i need to prepare. i hate feeling this way because it makes me feel left behind. this is not of my nature to just accept this. i am above and beyond my potential. i want to experience this, whatever this may be.. and if all else fails, i can come back and try again.
i'm moving to santa barbara.