(no subject)
every class i have been in since high school has been somewhat torturous for me unless someone i knew closely enough already was in the same class with me. usually i am by myself so i am stuck in this extremely shy and awkward mode. it isn't fun and it doesn't feel so great but i don't know how to be myself without someone else there who backs me up sort of. lol. i don't know what i am talking about. all i know is i wanna be talkative and speak my mind whatever comes to me that i want to be let out and etc. i am in the school library i always feel like someone is reading this from over my shoulder. yep. i have a midterm in like an hour. i should be studying. i already wasted an hour eating togos and then visiting the galleries w/ someone i work with. um. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i am nervous about my test.
i had to present my flaws + weaknesses today about my midterm drawing. i was so nervous. my head was going to explode from all the blood that was rushing to it. haha. i forgot to mention how my brother's girlfriend spilled her chili dog crap all over it. hahaha. and then when i finished she was like, "that's really great, good job!" YEAH of course you're going to say that you just got your food all over it hahah. she's cute, though. anyway ... back to the presentation .... yeah i didnt know what to say. and she just mentioned how quiet i am and that i need to speak out more and yes. i agree. but she doesnt recognize that sometimes once you're set in a certain way it's kind of hard to break it. and this girl ended up tearing up a bit because she was stressed and i felt so bad. i wanted to help her but others did so i wasnt needed. also, it seemed as if some people were a bit insensitive to the fact that she just cried but i guess you cant really dwell on something like that. i just think its easy for some people to brush something like that off though. it's not really funny at all nor anything to take lightly because that situation could end up influencing her feelings. she could be made to feel worse and i didnt want that to happen but hopefully she's okay.
i really need to be studying right now ... haha .... i am a lot more joyful... can you tell? anyway ..... i'll continue to fight my mind and my inability to speak. it's sad how much of a snail/hermit crab/anything that likes to hide in a shell i can be.
i had to present my flaws + weaknesses today about my midterm drawing. i was so nervous. my head was going to explode from all the blood that was rushing to it. haha. i forgot to mention how my brother's girlfriend spilled her chili dog crap all over it. hahaha. and then when i finished she was like, "that's really great, good job!" YEAH of course you're going to say that you just got your food all over it hahah. she's cute, though. anyway ... back to the presentation .... yeah i didnt know what to say. and she just mentioned how quiet i am and that i need to speak out more and yes. i agree. but she doesnt recognize that sometimes once you're set in a certain way it's kind of hard to break it. and this girl ended up tearing up a bit because she was stressed and i felt so bad. i wanted to help her but others did so i wasnt needed. also, it seemed as if some people were a bit insensitive to the fact that she just cried but i guess you cant really dwell on something like that. i just think its easy for some people to brush something like that off though. it's not really funny at all nor anything to take lightly because that situation could end up influencing her feelings. she could be made to feel worse and i didnt want that to happen but hopefully she's okay.
i really need to be studying right now ... haha .... i am a lot more joyful... can you tell? anyway ..... i'll continue to fight my mind and my inability to speak. it's sad how much of a snail/hermit crab/anything that likes to hide in a shell i can be.