Life under a rock

[reverberates]

I feel the most at peace when I live in the Spirit. I honestly do. Nothing else fills me with peace more. It is hard to stay there, though. I feel like so many things try to yank me out of it. I let so many things do. I don't know how else to stay in it forever. I want to feel this way forever. It's hard. I am now worrying about furture worry haha. God forbid it, though. I think the key is to stay surrounded by Christian things but my flesh is so much against it. I don't know why, though, because staying in the Spirit is the only thing that keeps me joyful and happy! It's crazy isn't it? Everything else just makes me want to sit and wallow in it without ever feeling at peace. But for some reason it takes a lot out of me to just pick up the Bible and read it. Repeat and actually focus on and feel what I am reading. Life is such a struggle! No duh :) Haha. My poor cross broke but I heard something on the radio today that struck me. I don't need it. All of that is superificial. I don't need that cross around my neck. I don't need any holy water. All I need is what is inside of me. Deep down in my heart. The heart of me that wants what's right for me and all. I can become so carnally minded while I am out in the world that I end up like the man in Ecclesiates. All is vanity and what has been will be again and everyone and everything are vain and empty and are just something I see. Repeated over and over again. This simply isn't true. It may be for some, but when I am in Christ that isn't what I see. I see the beauty in every face. Every face that God is powerful enough to see clearly and love equally. I can't give an equal amount of love and attention to people but God can. What some might see as a cluster of ants .... God sees a multitude of individuals that He loves. I want to see everyone that way. I do most of the time but honestly people can make me so angry sometimes that I can end up thinking like Ecclesiates again. What I must realize is that .... I need to walk in genuine love. I don't need the cross to let people know who I am. It's been said a lot that people can tell someone a Christian by how they walk in love. When I live in the Spirit I have hope ... everything else is hopeless to me.

Also, I know my entries have been pessimistic but I am honestly trying to feel better. When things get better I will eventually talk about how much better things are. :)
Believe me, I can't wait until that happens either.